https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4109#M1246 I think it does get a little easier (I know this sounds very cliched) . Either that or we just learn to manage our responses better - as we do with so many aspects of our lives these days! S Fri, 23 Apr 2010 07:59:42 GMT samex 2010-04-23T07:59:42Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4095#M1232 I returned to work in January this year and and am finding it very difficult to relate to people. My job is not my life and I have no interest in office politics or drama. How do I explain to someone that finding the photocopier needs to be restocked with paper is not the end of the world? That because there is no cyan toner you can still do your job. Most days I sit and observe the interactions taking place around me and think back to when these seemingly unimportant things were so important to me. It feels like it was a lifetime ago. Funny how surgery, chemo, radiation and more surgery can change your perspetctive. Some days I wake up with dread knowing that I will soon be seeing the "characters" that are in most offices. eg. The guy who thinks he's clever and funny when in reality he's a middle aged man who makes offensive and inappropriate comments. The guy who thinks everyone is against him. The girl who needs to create dramas. The guy who thinks he is a very important person. The girl who dresses like she's going to the opening of a club. I could go on and on. What can I do so that I don't go crazy? I like my job but I can't relate to anyone as I like to look at the big picture and not worry about the things that I can't control. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Sometimes I think maybe i should get another job but the rational part of my brain tells me that I'll come across the same trivial dribble no matter where I go or what I do. So what do I do? Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:31:18 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4095#M1232 MissRen 2010-04-14T12:31:18Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4096#M1233 You are so right thinking another job won't make any difference. The trivialities of life will still be there. The people you work with do not have your insight and therefore place importance onto different things than you do. It is not their fault, nor is it yours. I came across the same problems you are facing today, not because I was sick just because I was getting older and therefore wiser. People acquire wisdom at different stages in their life, some sooner rather than later, depending on what life brings them. So keep going to work with the knowledge that you are wiser, and leave then to their petty problems. You do not have to become involved in their dramas, just listen if they require you to, and then forget about it. We know there are more important things in life... I think it is wonderful that you are well enough to work again......... that is not trivial. Have a good day Wed, 14 Apr 2010 21:44:09 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4096#M1233 vinouche 2010-04-14T21:44:09Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4097#M1234 Hi Reena and Vinouche, I found that I had the same response - both because of my experiences and age. I am a teacher so I am able to lose myself in the job and just not worry about the "nonsense" anymore. I have been back at work for 2 years, and I only have 2 1/2 to go until I retire so I am rather fortunate. The way i dealt with it was to just sit back and observe and try to rationalise that what others are complaining about is their reality and that mine is different. I was lucky in having 2 very good friends, a good Principal and an understanding Head Teacher (all female) who were able to often see things from my perspective, particularly on days when I wsn't coping. Like all of this, it just takes time and constant readjustments. You see, it is the same all over - "they" haven't changed - we have. Good luck and take it slowly and gently. Samex Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:13:20 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4097#M1234 samex 2010-04-14T23:13:20Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4098#M1235 Thanks Samex and Vinouche for your advice. I am so conscious of not coming across as a "know it all confucius" and have been overthinking it all. You are right, I will sit back and listen and be an ear when needed and be mindful that it may be a very big thing in the other persons reality ( : Thu, 15 Apr 2010 05:01:53 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4098#M1235 MissRen 2010-04-15T05:01:53Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4099#M1236 Vinouche and Samex you are both wise ladies with sound advice. Miss Reena, I had a similar experience at work. I was able to continue working thru treatment… (kept the mind occupied).. however, at times I felt disjointed from others and also struggled with the seemingly minor complaints I was hearing from others. My world had changed but theirs had remained the same… my perspective had changed, theirs had remained the same… Thank you Vinouche…your words have brought clarity to my mind: “People acquire wisdom at different stages in their life, some sooner rather than later, depending on what life brings them”. I hadn’t thought of it like that before! Such wise words. Through our cancer experiences, it seems we have gained wisdom and now it is our choice how we want to use that acquired wisdom. Life is about making choices and the experiences those choices bring. Miss Reena, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself a settling in period at work and let the ensuing weeks unfold before you. Time really is a great healer. Take care, Reindeer xxx Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:06:26 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4099#M1236 2010-04-15T08:06:26Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4100#M1237 I know what you mean for sure, Miss Reena. I suspect that you might find - if you put out some subtle feelers - that there are a lot of people who share your impatience with superficial concerns. I think it's just the noisy wheels getting the oil, that's all. I did things like put the book I was reading on the train each day on top of my desk so people could see it and choose to say something if they wanted to. Worked a treat. Lots of conversation, none of it about clubbing or photocopy paper. I was very tickled when I left Bram Stoker's Dracula out for all to see. I got a nibble with that. "Why are you reading Dracula?" she asked, a bit hesitantly. I just gave the best Dorevitch look I could muster. What fun. H Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:34:47 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4100#M1237 harker 2010-04-15T10:34:47Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4101#M1238 I love it Harker - hehehe - I will have to try that at the office!!! I think this is very common - I thought I was the only one feeling like this - but this site has openened my eyes on more than one occasion that lots of people after cancer find feel that other people's trivial matters - which are overwhelmining important to them - are quite irritating. I try to remember that I don't know what their stories are - I don't know what their struggles in life are - everyone has struggles - and we also have the knowledge that almost everyone in the future will face somesort of major struggle - just some earlier than others - then they too will gain the wisdom ................... but lordy it can be hard until they do !!! Vinouche you are a very wise woman!! Nicole xoxoxox Thu, 15 Apr 2010 20:04:46 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4101#M1238 WishingStar 2010-04-15T20:04:46Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4102#M1239 I agree Ms Reena. Cancer Council and other organisations talk of a new normal after cancer treatment as it does change us, life changes, our priorities change. This would naturally include work and some people even choose to change their field of work or do move on due to the combination of office pettiness and not really liking their jobs. In your situation you mention you like your job but need to deal with the pettiness and office politics. Perhaps try to identify staff that you do like and connect with and aim to build your working relationships with them and just be neutral and polite with the others especially with those you have to work with. At the beginning of the year I resolved that if I felt another staff member didn't like me (after gathering some evidence of this, for example, never speaking to me first or showing an interest in me after I'd shown an interest in them, say hi, ask how important things are going in their lives and so forth) that for those I have to have a reasonable working relationship with I would say hi but not initiate chit chat and with those I don't have to work with not even bother to say hi unless they do. Having cancer has certainly flushed out who these people are as they haven't ever asked how I am managing treatment or recovered after surgery (with one person I'd asked how he was recovering from his wisdom teeth surgery) or simply showed more an interest in me as support as it can be hard for some to say anything about how we are going with the cancer. Interesting that approach has helped me to notice the really nice people in the office as instead of trying to get on with and befriend everyone I now notice who does say hi and start up conversations and those are the people I want to encourage. Cheers Deejjay Thu, 15 Apr 2010 21:31:56 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4102#M1239 deejjay 2010-04-15T21:31:56Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4103#M1240 Thanks everyone. I realise that for things to change I have to change something so I will approach these situations and people who annoy me with a different mindset.I think a disadvantage to gaining wisdom through cancer in my 30's is that I want family, friends anyone and everyone to have this insight so that they can focus on the great things around them, but I know it is not up to me to do. All I can do is focus on what makes me happy and gravitate towards that. p.s I think i'll take my copy of dracula into work and leave it casually laying around. Sun, 18 Apr 2010 06:36:54 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4103#M1240 MissRen 2010-04-18T06:36:54Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4104#M1241 Dracula won't work in our Staff room as it a set text for study for Seniors. ANy other suggestions? Petra King might be a little blunt perhaps? Interesting how we have all had such simiarexperiences. Samex Sun, 18 Apr 2010 06:43:07 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4104#M1241 samex 2010-04-18T06:43:07Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4105#M1242 John Diamond's C: because cowards get cancer too can be a good icebreaker. It's quite funny as well as being an insightful and articulate personal view of being a cancer patient - in real time, meaning that he wrote it as a series of articles as his cancer developed. It will also be sure to get the attention of male staff members who will immediately all start fantasising silently on what it must have been like being Nigella Lawson's husband. H Sun, 18 Apr 2010 07:07:32 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4105#M1242 harker 2010-04-18T07:07:32Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4106#M1243 I posted this a while ago in the writer's group but thought that it may also be relevant to this discussion. Outside Looking In The new normal - What is it? How this concept has changed. There are times now when a barrier exists - Separating me from the rest. When the others continue with the trivial, the mundane, The whining and complaining, I often find that I watch, observe as from behind an invisible blur Wondering why it is so important to them? While I often partake in banter and conversation, I sometimes notice myself Looking on from another place, Still in the room but somewhere else. Is it that the perspective has altered? Or that the understanding is greater and no longer absorbed by the banal? Does the facing of our own mortality bring us a level of peace along with the fear – Thus excluding ourselves from the perceived triflings of others. Strangely, this isolation can also come with a sense of smugness- “I have been where I hope you never have to go- These insignificant details leave me unimpressed.” While participating in it, the conversation often leaves me unengaged. Ultimately it leaves me saddened and my mind wanders to what may come of my normality inside the bubble, Behind the barrier. Samex Tue, 20 Apr 2010 07:57:35 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4106#M1243 samex 2010-04-20T07:57:35Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4107#M1244 Hi Samex, Excellent, you have captured the feelings that seem to be shared by many. Strangely enough, on the weekend I wrote a verse with a similar theme but didn’t post it on the site. Just goes to show the similarity of experiences. Regards, Reindeer Tue, 20 Apr 2010 23:20:52 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4107#M1244 2010-04-20T23:20:52Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4108#M1245 Samex you captured the feelings really well. I feel like an alien most days but I figure this is all part of my learning experience. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:09:32 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4108#M1245 MissRen 2010-04-23T05:09:32Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4109#M1246 I think it does get a little easier (I know this sounds very cliched) . Either that or we just learn to manage our responses better - as we do with so many aspects of our lives these days! S Fri, 23 Apr 2010 07:59:42 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4109#M1246 samex 2010-04-23T07:59:42Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4110#M1247 I occasionally find some situations (work and social) can be isolating because many people I work with around my age are married already have children. Also, some single people are much younger than me, so there are few people I have anything in common. Sometimes, it is easier to stick to topics like - hobbies, travel, music, news etc which isn't age or family related. It is hard to figure out how to respond to a tricky question - like, "have you done something to your hair" or you look different compared to last year. It helped me to have some answers "pre-prepared" and only disclose info to people that I felt ok with. It gets better with time. Mon, 10 May 2010 10:23:10 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Living-with-and-beyond-cancer/Being-at-work-is-such-hard-work/m-p/4110#M1247 jules_jp 2010-05-10T10:23:10Z