topic Re: Young widows with children in Coping with a loved one's cancer

Young widows with children

beck2930 — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 13:16:15 GMT

Hi Ive been searching the internet for the past two nights looking for support groups for you young widows with children. Having no luck what so ever. Even tried good old facebook! I lost my partner in May 2011 and we have 3 children. We have done the councelling session and personally I got sick and tired of hearing "how does that make you feel". Bloody hell how do they think it makes me feel? I joined a oesphageal cancer forum on facebook and have made some very good friendships. They know how I feel. The downside is some/most of these people are overseas. It would sometimes be nice to meet up with people for social outings. Unless someone can point me in the right direction, I am thinking of making a group for widows with or without children in the newcastle/nsw area. I think it would be beneficial for us widows and our children to meet as we are all in the same situation and know how it feels to lose a loved one. Trips to the beach, park whatever. Does not need to cost alot of money! If anyone knows of such a group please let me know or if anyone is interested in such a group.

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 02:10:36 GMT

I was worried no one has seen this but have seen there are 12 views! Is anyone interested? Chatting online is good but getting out of the house is beneficial also. I find at times we chat online and at times can bring each other down. This group Is about getting out there and doing positive things for ourselves and out children! It also helps that the group would have people that know how you feel and what the kids go through! For me I made a promise to my partner to try and live the rest of my life happy! I'm trying as I have never broke a promise to him and I'm not about to start!

Re: Young widows with children

Mrs_Elton — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 14:57:02 GMT

Hi Beck2930, I too am a widow with 2 young children, thanks to this insidious disease. There is a support group for widows with young children, it is based in Sydney and I believe they do social outings. I live in Perth, so I am only accessing it online. www.everafterwidowed.com I am sorry to hear of your loss, my husband passed in May 2010 after a primary of oesophageal cancer and a secondary tumour on the brain. My children were 6 & 8 when their Dad died. They have been amazingly resilient and have certainly been the reason that I have got out of bed on many a day over the last 2 years. Kind regards, Jill

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:24:48 GMT

Hi Yeah I have been trying to access the forum on that website with no success. Im in the Newcastle area. Im hoping that there is something on there. Yes the kids have been my reason to get out of bed. Its been bloody hard and it still is, will be until I go. Miss him so much and so do the kids but like I said I made my man a promise I intend to keep it.

Re: Young widows with children

Mrs_Elton — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:30:22 GMT

Hi Beck, the Everafter site was being upgraded, but I believe that is complete now, so you should check it out again.

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:49:08 GMT

yeah i had a look and still cannot get into the forum. I sent an email so fingers crossed

Re: Young widows with children

Melanie — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 12:23:26 GMT

I hope you find a group, you are absolutely correct- time to get out & do some socialising with people who understand, and aren't looking at you with pity. My dear hubbie is fighting a good fight with an astrocytoma brain tumor, and I completely agree- my 2 children aged 3 years & 6 months old are why I keep going everyday. Both of you give me hope that life after this cancer shit is ok!

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 12:32:45 GMT

Ah bloody cancer! Yeah there is life after it all but mate its hard! Some friends drop by the wayside and Well u feel isolated! I've joined ever after widowed as well had 26 ppl Look at the post but no replies! I don't understand why!

Re: Young widows with children

Von — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 10:38:06 GMT

Hi, I am a different stage to you (my husband is still fighting his cancer, but has a terminal diagnosis) but I have asked the palliative care counsellor the same question about support groups for people in my situation & widows with young kids. I am 41 and have a 9 and a 7 year old. In my area there is nothing around. The counsellor said they've tried to set up a number of groups, but they just keep petering out after a year or so. I am in a 'regional city' and it is put down to the size of the population of widows with kids. There are other organisations around like "Parents without Partners" - it isn't quite what you are looking for, but it might help you get out of the house a bit more? I have a few friends who are single mothers and they have been good. One had cancer herself, so she 'gets it'. My divorced friends try to understand & be supportive of what I am going through, but in all honesty I don't expect anyone to 'get' this journey unless they've been down this road. I know I tried to support friends going through this before my husband's diagnosis - but, once you experience it personally you know that you really didn't fully understand. Even though my husband is still around I already feel the separation beginning - many more lonely nights while he is fatigued & sleeps early. Many more weekend outings on my own with the kids to let him rest. I know it is only a taste of things to come - but, it is a distressing window into my future. I am sure you understand where I am at. Hope you find what you are looking for, Von

Re: Young widows with children

maddie86 — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 04:36:30 GMT

im a young widow but dont have any kids (dont know if thats good or bad) but i still feel the pain of not being with my husband 😞 i miss him so terribly and everyday is hard... especially with the christmas stuff coming up... xo

Re: Young widows with children

purpleangels — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 09:27:21 GMT

Widow......wow! That hadn't even occurred to me......... I am 40 with a 7 and 5 year old but am on the Far North Coast of NSW/ Gold Coast. My husband died three weeks ago, but Von, that is me....taking the kids out while dad slept, going to bed alone as he was passed out on pain meds. It is so hard, but I absolutely know what you are going through. I also take your point Beck about getting out and about. I think that will be my saving grace over the next little while. Thanks for the heads up for that website. Take care out there! PA

Re: Young widows with children

G_A_Fisher — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 09:54:51 GMT

Hi. I haven't been online for about 2 years because I joined up when we were starting our journey and I found the website too depressing. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago and like you all, are desperate to find YOUNG people with or without children who are going through what I am. I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old. I gave birth to our daughter while my husband was in hospital due to a complication during surgery to remove the brain tumor and cared for him at home during his final days. I live in the Albury/Wodonga area and there is a greif group but were told that I would be the youngest one there with most people in the 50's and above. There must be more like me in the area. I too am visiting a counsellour which is helping and I have lots of family and friends for support but I don't want to burden them with quite frankly feelings that they can't even start to understand. I think I will be making more time to get online. Would love to chat to anyone that it in a similar situation. Even getting online tonight to see everyones stories has made a difference. I am 33 years old. Amy.

Re: Young widows with children

Von — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 11:25:27 GMT

Hi all, I am in Geelong in Victoria. I am happy to chat / catch up with people. The word 'widow' is confronting. I am 41 now and I'd never imagined facing widowhood this young, although I always knew on the statistics I'd probably outlive my husband. My husband is currently doing better than expected, so although he wasn't supposed to make September this year (and his Super & Life insurance have now paid out) my gut feeling is that he'll do better than 'average'. He's healthy, still working and is tolerating treatment really well. He's had Sirtex therapy on his liver tumours which has been quite successful at significantly reduced his tumour load. After Easter we find out if a second shot at the Sirtex is possible. Amy - I get what you mean about not wanting to burden friends and family. I do not speak to many people about how I am feeling / coping with this journey. Part of me doesn't want to go there - and part of me knows that if I do, I will crumble. I am strong because I have to be strong for my kids and for me. Like you, I don't think most people really understand. I have a good friend who has survived Breast Cancer and she has been fantastic help - she understands that practical help and distraction on nights alone make a big difference. I have another friend who was widowed due to cancer a couple of years ago, and she has been great at bouncing thoughts off (especially those uncharitable thoughts that I'd never share with others like - I wish this would all be over!). LIfe does go on. As time goes on I am accepting that, and planning for two outcomes - a miracle outcome where he lives, and life on my own. Can't quite picture moving on with another partner yet, but I know that day will come too. Happy to chat, Von

Re: Young widows with children

Ktjeffs — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 16:03:11 GMT

I lost my husband 2 and a half years ago. I am 26 with a 12 month old and am 13 weeks pregnant with our number two. This was his third diagnoses, but a fast decline. 8 weeks. Lost 40lbs. Had two surgeries. Just gone. A 26 year widow, now single and pregnant. We also have a 14 year old foster child.

Re: Young widows with children

Ktjeffs — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 16:04:29 GMT

Oops. 2 an a half weeks!!

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Fri, 21 Jun 2013 01:01:53 GMT

Hi All I have started my own group on facebook. NSW widows it is called. Its a secret group so you may not be able to find it. If you look up Rebecca Walker or Petina Snook we will add you to the group.

Re: Young widows with children

G_A_Fisher — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 12:12:27 GMT

Hi bec, can't find nsw widows or petina snook on Facebook . lots of Rebecca walkers. Can you give me more clues? alternatively find me, amy fisher fRom browns plains

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 12:23:24 GMT

oh i think that is my settings I will look you up. Amy Fisher is that right

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 13:02:15 GMT

I cant find you either um oh i can add you via your facebook email

Re: Young widows with children

beck2930 — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 11:24:32 GMT

Have a look now you should be able to find Nsw widows