https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Trying-to-cope-with-Negativity/m-p/13176#M1480 Hiya Carlie So sorry to read about your dad. He most likely is just trying to get his head around his diagnosis and I hope that he can come out the other end and start to feel a bit better. Never give up hope. 25 years ago I was given the possibility of a month to live with amelanotic melanoma. NOt trying to offer false hope but not everyone dies from cancer. I am now heading towards 5 years clearance from my 2nd diagnosis with cancer. The cancer council offers a help line and often groups that people can attend. Even if your dad wont go it may be beneficial for yourself and your mum. Take care Julie Mon, 12 May 2014 11:26:27 GMT Jules2 2014-05-12T11:26:27Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Trying-to-cope-with-Negativity/m-p/13175#M1479 Hi there, I find myself sitting here today after a visit with my parents for Mothers Day. Dad has Non Hodgkins Mantle cell lymphoma - relatively new diagnosis, but has so far had 2 rounds of chemo. Dad is doing great this month but I am finding that as i hear mum's versions of their day-to-day coping, Dad's fear predominately overrides any positive thinking. Dad is a very intelligent man and does a lot of research about his cancer and other related health topics. I guess what motivates me to seek help today is that while Dad see's himself as 'helping' by trying to plan for 'their' future, he says and does things that indicate he does not see himself around in the future. He is presuming imminent death, and he is assuming his looming Bone marrow transplant in 4 months time will be the end of him, as 'research' has shown that sometimes things don't go that well…. Mum and I don't know how to cope with this line of thinking. Dad never tells us kids that this is on his mind. It is only Mum that he shares his darkest fears with and she is a mental wreck. She shares this with me and I stay positive for her. Then I come home and i'm a wreck! I am assuming we are not the only ones out there battling such negative thinking but i'd love to hear about ways of combating this in a way that is delicate and sensitive to our loved one. Thank you Sun, 11 May 2014 04:54:59 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Trying-to-cope-with-Negativity/m-p/13175#M1479 Carlie75 2014-05-11T04:54:59Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Trying-to-cope-with-Negativity/m-p/13176#M1480 Hiya Carlie So sorry to read about your dad. He most likely is just trying to get his head around his diagnosis and I hope that he can come out the other end and start to feel a bit better. Never give up hope. 25 years ago I was given the possibility of a month to live with amelanotic melanoma. NOt trying to offer false hope but not everyone dies from cancer. I am now heading towards 5 years clearance from my 2nd diagnosis with cancer. The cancer council offers a help line and often groups that people can attend. Even if your dad wont go it may be beneficial for yourself and your mum. Take care Julie Mon, 12 May 2014 11:26:27 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Trying-to-cope-with-Negativity/m-p/13176#M1480 Jules2 2014-05-12T11:26:27Z