topic Re: Resentment in Coping with a loved one's cancer

Resentment

Deb1 — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 02:05:53 GMT

My partner has stage 4 bowel cancer. He is having a rest from chemotherapy at the moment because it has affected his memory, quite badly. I feel a great deal of resentment at times because he doesn’t do anything to help me. We are in an isolated area on a rural property, we have at long last leased the property, after much reluctance from him, I do all the domestic duties, all the financial stuff, repairs that I can mange about the place and so on. He can’t be bothered doing anything, and I just simply feel like I have had enough, quite often.

Re: Resentment

little_stitcher — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 06:59:59 GMT

Hi Deb, I belong to a 'wives of men with cancer' facebook group, and I reckon about 2 women per week post something like this. It seems that some men are particularly bad at dealing with their cancer and it negatively affects their relationship. You are definitely not alone!

It may be that your GP or the Cancer Council can link you in with services or resources to help you in practical ways- it might be worth investigating.

I'd package you up some rest and deliver it to you if I could! love and hugs, Emily

Re: Resentment

Deb1 — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 11:14:22 GMT

Thank you

Re: Resentment

Deb1 — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 11:23:16 GMT

I am not sure I can do it anymore. I wish there was an easy way to finish it all. He just doesn’t get it . I drink too much to get me through it. Do I just accept that I have to everything until it’s all over. I am selfish and I wish it was me so he could see howfxxxing hard it is. I am lonely and I am sick of it all.

Re: Resentment

little_stitcher — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 21:37:41 GMT

Hi Deb, it definitely sounds like you need some help now - you're burning out. Is there anywhere you can go, even for a day, just to take a bit of time for yourself? I would also strongly recommend discussing the situation with your husband's dr- it may be that his medication needs to be changing.

I can also recommend joining the facebook group "Caring for Husband's with Cancer"- it's a worldwide group of over 1000 women who are in similar situations to you and I. They are all very supportive, and because it's such a big group it's very active, too.

Sending huge hugs just for you, Emily

Re: Resentment

Deb1 — Sun, 13 Jan 2019 01:56:01 GMT

Thank you Emily, I will look for the Facebook page. I do have to get away for a bit, I just wish it was all different .

Re: Resentment

VM — Sat, 16 Mar 2019 03:04:45 GMT

Hi Deb1. I just feel like checking with you to see how you are going and feeling at the moment

Re: Resentment

Caregiver — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 23:47:04 GMT

It is very hard to be the person in charge. You will earn your angel wings and be a better person. This will not be forever.