topic Re: Welcome to the family and friends group in Coping with a loved one's cancer

Welcome to the family and friends group

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:52:03 GMT

Hi everyone, and welcome to the group for carers and partners, family and friends of people with cancer. Feel free to post a message on this page and to invite others who have a loved one with cancer. Looking forward to meeting you on the site. Louisa

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

I_Miss_My_Mums_ — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:56:04 GMT

Im happy to be apart of this group as im a young carer looking after my mum.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

I_Miss_My_Mums_ — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:56:16 GMT

Im happy to be apart of this group as im a young carer looking after my mum.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Michaelna — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 01:09:31 GMT

Im hoping that being part of this group it will help me gain strength and allow me to become positive in the position im in.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 01:59:24 GMT

To those of you still to face this journey - it's a a hell of a trip to come. But... As bad as it got for my Mum, mastectomy + chemo + radiotherapy + IV antibiotics for infection + blood clot + radiation burns (you name it she got hit with it) the end result is the all clear a few weeks ago!!!! It was all worth it. I hope this gives some hope to you out there. It's not a fun trip and can seem like the cure is worse that the disease but in the end the result can be good! Good luck to everyone ❤️

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 04:32:08 GMT

thank you for letting be a part of this group... my mum has pancreatic and omentum cancer.... my brothers,My dad and her sister, my husband, my nephew and i are on this journey with our beautiful mum... I find it hard being in an other state and being to far away ... i feel a sense of gulit not being there to help her. my mum was told nearly 18 months ago that she was told she has cancer.. and a very aggressive one at that... she is terminal she hasnt been given a time frame... so each day is a blessing that we still have her with us ... her sister is in melbourne with my mum and she is a great help not just for mum but my brothers , my dad and myself.... Im waiting around today to see what my mum's ct scan results are im hoping that its good news that the tumor's havent got any bigger....I have been seeing a counseller also to help me through the gulit of not being in melbourne with my mum. I also have ben through the loss of my Nana 4 weeks ago who was my rock and kept me postive through out the last few months. my husband is great he is very supportive as he has been through it with his dad 12 years ago....i get to melbourne as often as possiible.. im heading down there soon.. to have 2 weeks with mum.i dont get down to melbourne as much as i would like to as im trying to have a Baby and i Work also so the time i do have down there with my mum is time well spent I love my mother so much and hate seeing and hearing her in pain.Mum just isnt my mum but my best friend . I love her and I hate what this horribble CANCER is doing to her...Thank you for letting me vent i look forward in hearing from some one soon.... Dooey

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

aussieboone — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 06:12:13 GMT

Hi i hope this message doesn't give anyone the idea that there is no hope. My wife was diagnosed with multiple tumours late February, she has been in & out of hospital since & 2 weeks ago she was moved to a Continuing Care Hospital for Pallative Management. In all she has been in hospital for 5 weeks now & is growing weaker everyday, she has had multiple seizures this week due to the Brain Tumours. I have had to stop work to just be by her side through this time, my wife does not have long to live & will leave behind a stronger husband & 16yr old son & together we are determined to stay strong & help other people who are about to or are going through the same thing. My wife has to this day not given up, she is still fighting this horrible desease & will until the day she closes her eyes for the last time. I urge anyone going through a similar thing to stay positive & ensure your partner, parent, family or friend that you will be behind them 100%, this is what these people need to hear to keep them positive.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 06:57:55 GMT

thank you... you stay strong for your wife but most of all for yourself and your son... My mum has been in having in home pallative care now as there is no more they can do.... she has had a really bad day today with the pain of the tumours....if pain gets any worse that when the nurse come into her home and give her pain relieve...as my mum wants to stay at home.... she cant have no more chemo as her body just cant take it anymore... IM A VERY STRONG WILLED PERSON but i am finding it very hard to deal with the fact that im going to lose my bestfriend being my beautiful mother.. it has been my postitvety that has got me and mum so far in the journey.... you stay strong and poistive ... take care Dooey

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Lorraine — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 22:27:51 GMT

HI all. Certainly, the hardest thing is being 'family,' feeling 'helpless,' feeling your world has changed forever. However, it's exactly in being family where you strength lies. With my mum, her appreciation and deeper love for us every time we do something little - or large is amazing. Anything: sitting with her, talking to her, making her cups of tea, helping her put ointment on her sores etc. are moments of intense love. So go, LOVE HEAPS!!

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

safarigirl — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:20:20 GMT

Hi all,I have just started to read messages from here again. My mum was diagnosed last April and it came as a surprise to as all. Mum went through her frist 6 months of chemo and all was going well until she had a check-up with her surgeon and he told her that her bloods were not right, sent her for a ct scan and colonoscopy. Went to see oncologist and discovered that the cancer is back and had moved, now near her liver,gall bladder and in between the two main blood vessels near her spine and is in-operable. So we are back on the chemo marry-go-round and this time it is hitting her hard. Pain is also a major factor this time round as she has tumor deposits on her head and back, so lying or sitting is very hard. But I am trying to keep her spirits up as much as I can, try and get her out and about.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 04:23:25 GMT

i lost my mum 2 weeks ago today... she fought hard and long with this battle of pancreatic cancer.... if i could wish her back without the pain she was in i would. but i cant ... she got a beautiful send off in our home town... its so so hard for me to deal with as mum just wasnt our mum but our best friend...its hard it will be my first christmas , my first birthday with out her.. but i know she is watching down on all of us... my brothers my dad my auntie my husband and her grandsons will miss her greatly i most probley wont be on here to much now... so take care Dooey

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

choc2rule — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 04:52:03 GMT

Hi Dooey I am sad for you that you have lost your great mum. SHe sounds like a wonderful lady with many people obviously loving her. My dad died in May of lung cancer but not from smoking- he hadnt smoked for 50 odd years so it was not cigarettes. I have had to deal with a few 'firsts' already this year-fathers day in September, the first month anniversary of when he died-every Friday afternoon at 4.30 is still a sad time for me and now Christmas coming-well I was dreading it but I decided I would do anything not to be alone this Christmas. I am on my own with 2 grown sons and both of them asked me to spend Christmas with their families. I will see one on Christmas day and 1 on boxing day. I Cant wait!!!. What I am trying to say is, dont be alone on these days coming up. Do whatever it takes to remember your mum, yes, but dont be alone. Share the days with the people you love and they will know that it is a sad day for you and just let them look after you. The special days we use to spend with our loved one just seem so empty dont they. I saw my dad every Christmas and Easter and his birthday but now he is gone and his house that we grew up in is sold. Life has ended as I once knew it and so it has for you. Dont rush to 'be okay' it will not happen and you need to be sad for as long as you need. Write to me if you want. I am sad yes, but I can see forward now and I know that my dad did love me but life goes on. Margaret

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 08:31:08 GMT

Thanks so much. I had a weepy day on Friday. My Dad is still alive, but has now been diagnosed with leukemia, so I am still on the merry-go-round. I think we are on the same page, when Dad's time comes, it will be the end of the family home of 58 years so far. To never be able to go there again will hurt me so much. But fI guess my children feel that way about my home. I have been on my own for 26 years, and raised 3 alone. I am on the same page as you. Its funny when Mum was ill, she never once said to be that she was proud of me for my achievements alone, nothing - it hurts too, and now Dad is the same. When I tell him I am sad, he is sadder (if that a word). I guess my big brave image on the outside is slipping when I say this to someone who does not know me. Thanks for letting me vent...... Happy, and we will have one, Christmas. Victoria

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 08:33:57 GMT

You will be. There are so many going through this with you.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 08:48:22 GMT

Dooey, This is my first of everything too. Mum lost a finger when she was a 2 year old from an accident. She was so cute with her cartoon 4 fingers. She always had one finger of her glove poked in. Last week I went to do some gardening and found my rubber glove with one finger (the exact one as Mum's) poked in. I felt so wonderful, like she sent me a little cheerio from the cosmos. Mum passed away in late March, and this is when we had to take her away from home and put her in care, as Dad is 86 and was not able to care for her. He has been diagnosed with leukemia. Oh well we just love them for as long as we have them. I will get through Christmas, hard I know, but the little faces of the children restore my cheer again. Good Luck

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

choc2rule — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 08:48:53 GMT

Hi victoria. My dad never said he was proud of me either and that makes me sad but I look at it this way. He never said it to anyone even when he was well. I know he loved me but as he got sicker it was all about him. I know he was sick and I also knew he would not survive this cancer but he never talked to me about my life or what I have achieved either. He just didnt seem to have it in him to show me any praise or support when he was well or sick. My dad lost my mum 8 years ago and I believe he has just been waiting to die. He lived in a depressed state for so long and it was difficult for me to visit him cos he always was so depressed. But now I miss him. I have tried to look past his sadness and not being able to give me spiritual support-he thought money was the answer- no hugs and no kind words. I am determined that my boys, men actually, will always have my support in whatever way I can and the thing is I want to give them support and am not prepared to be a distant grandmother. There is so much I still need to sort out Iknow this and this is the 2nd post I have done today after what seems like months with nothing to say. Enjoy your family Victoria, I know your dad is sick but try and enjoy him as much as you can. At the moment it is all about him but dont forget yourself.YOu will be left so look after yourself and your children now. Margaret

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 08:56:00 GMT

Well we are on the same page! I guess we got the family strength. I hug, cuddle and send wacky emails to my adult children. I get the "your mad Mum", but I am the one they contact first when live is unkind to them. We are Great Mums - a friendly pat on the back to you Take care and thanks for your email

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

choc2rule — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 09:07:58 GMT

Yes Victoria we are great mums and we have great children to prove it and I have 3 grandsons and 1 of them can say I love you grandma,he is 4, and he says I am his favourite. That just makes me feel so good and loved. I return the friendly pat on your back Victoria. Take care Margaret

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Lorraine — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 22:02:55 GMT

Tough stuff. My mum has had 'jaw cancer' It's so terrible, so ín your face - literally! The whole thing is that she has to eat just 'baby food' Try doing that when the whole world is about 'Masterchef', 'My kitchen rules'etc., etc., Just going out as a family makes me tense - will we find anything she can eat, will the 'kitchen hands'give us a hard time if we ask that her food be processed - as has happened. Never knew has central to life food was. I hate it, I deplore the fact that my mum has to put up with all the reminders of her cancer being so problematic to others. Would you believe she was invited to her BEST FRIEND's birthday party and her BEST friend didn't have anything prepared for her! So the whole night mum just sat there looking at everyone dig into the food. LIFE WITH CANCER SUCKS.

Re: Welcome to the family and friends group

Karen_Rose — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 23:42:21 GMT

Lorraine, I couldn't agree with you more. I've had nearly all my tongue removed and my jaw reconstructed and rebuilt with bone from my hip. Not only are we unable to eat and speak clealy, but in many cases our facial appearance is compromised, permanently. It's a devastating disease. Nearly every moment of our daily lives revolve around communcation, socialising and interacting. That's why so many of us can become isolated and withdrawn. Sadly, many people are ignorant and uneducated about the impact this disease has on us. It causes life changing permanent damage to some of us, not only emotionally but also physically. I wish you and your mum all the best. Karen