topic Re: My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do in Coping with a loved one's cancer

My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do

popsicle — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 10:26:10 GMT

Edit - Removed post because there were too many specifics.

Long story short, my narcissistic, toxic father in law has cancer. He treats everyone cruelly. My husband left home for 3 years (before meeting me), because of his treatment. He is just a horrible horrible man, and my husband knows it. But now because he has cancer, he is putting his dad on a pedestal.

I only want to support my husband, but I cannot pretend that I care for this man, who has caused me to go into depression.

Re: My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do

iloveyoudearly7 — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 10:18:12 GMT

Hello there,

I was about to answer this post but I cannot see it anymore. Just in case, i'll message instead.

Re: My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do

popsicle — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 10:23:08 GMT

Hi there, I removed it because I'm worried that someone from the family will see it. I realised that if they read it, it would be very obvious. So I called LifeLine today to try to get some advice.
Did you read my post? Do you have any advice? Thanks. I just want to be supportive to my husband but truly I am finding it a little hard.

Re: My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do

iloveyoudearly7 — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 11:24:46 GMT

Hi Popsicle,

That sounds like quite the precarious situation especially if the gentleman involved can be defined as a “Thorny rose”. In this particular case due to the troublesome nature of the relationship, I suggest that your level of involvement should stay relevantly the same: Be emotional supportive and available for your husband. E.g. Listen to his worries, let him know your there whenever he is ready to speak, provide physical comfortable – hugging, handholding – simple familiar welcoming touch goes a long way. Or provide the occasional distraction if needed – Go walking together, do hobbies, jokes and talk about anything in general really. It’s the simple things that assist and matter.

But no matter the decision, he decides to select, such as:

Direct involvement: Having some form of deeper involvement e.g. Attending treatments, appointments and etc.

Barrier involvement: Only wanting to receive the news instead and provide limited emotional support to the father but greater support for other family members instead.

Either choice whether limited or direct involvement is selected, he will receive some form of necessary closure from this.

Be directly involved with your husband but keep that necessary barrier between you and the father-in-law. Limit or avoid all direct contact with the individual as much as necessary. You can still be there for your husband but you need to protect yourself as well.

Re: My toxic in law has cancer and I don't know what to do

iloveyoudearly7 — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 11:19:58 GMT

Okay sorry for the quick reply, I redesigned the post now. If your concerned about others viewing, I can delete my post and remove once your ready.