topic Re: How does anyone cope? in Coping with a loved one's cancer

How does anyone cope?

Frostling — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 14:50:32 GMT

Apologies ahead - probably a bit of a sad/panicky/depressed post.

Due to circumstances and my own choices, I am currently staying (with my mother) at a family member's house for the next 6 months while my mother receives palliative cancer treatment. I am completely new to the area though and sadly without a car. My friends and contact before this are now only online or phone based. So far that's been okay as our small but awesome family share laughs and chuckles - occasionally even the dark bit of humor about the cancer.

However some days are harder than others for me and I'm at a loss at what to do and feel so overwhelmed. In a sense - I feel like I'm here just waiting and being present for things to go south and just keep my mother company for it. I don't feel comfortable talking with my mother about this because I want her to focus on being happy as she possibly can while she goes through treatment and whatever else that may happen The other family members are a bust in terms of conversing about this as they're the "tough as nails" sort.

So I guess - any advice for me? Any coping mechanisms to help deal with a such a grim outlook for a beloved parent? Or just anything that someone found useful would be greatly appreciated.

Re: How does anyone cope?

Budgie — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 20:49:31 GMT

Hi Frostling,

I think your mother would be extremely appreciative of you being there for her. Even tho you're in another's house & feeling like the proverbial 5th wheel, you have a very important role to your mum. And while, yes you may be there for when "things go south", how would you feel if they did go south & you weren't there?

Why don't you introduce a special moment throughout the day for you to share such as you reading to her, or something like that? Is she strong enough to play board games or card games? While you may think your presence might be unwarranted, I bet your mum would argue that point. Don't underestimate the strength of your being there.

All the best

Budgie

Re: How does anyone cope?

RealGirl — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 12:28:59 GMT

Hi, I am in opposite boat, I have immigrated and my mom lives a 17 hr flight away and I get depressed over the fact that I can't be there. I have found that having something to look forward to for both of us has helped, and I am thinking that is what you need. I told my mom I don't want us to live to die, if you know what I mean, plan something you can do together when her round of treatment is over, then I think you live to live.

Love,

RealGirl