topic Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4 in Coping with a loved one's cancer

Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 01:47:01 GMT

In October last year my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage 4, it had spread to his liver when diagnosed. He started chemo in November and so far has only been able to have had 5 treatments due to being unwell, mainly due to side effects. He is 63 and we have been married for 5 years. He is currently an inpatient in oncology ward, second time this month due to infections. Couple of weeks ago his blood pressure dropped so low that doctors fought to save his life. Doctors keep telling us that with chemo he will have ages with his family but nearly every time he has chemo now he spends up to 1 week in hospital due to side effects. I am no scared of loosing him and find myself in tears quite often. Doctors are telling us his cancer count has dropped by 2 thirds since starting chemo but he has hardly eaten anything for about 5 to 6 weeks now. He has lost over 15 kilos since starting chemo, feels like he is just fading away in front of me. He doesn’t even hard the energy or interest most times to want to work on things that make him happy. I am currently going to the hospital at breakfast and dinner times so he has company ( I am currently working full time) and to try to raise his spirits but some days this is so emotionally hard for me when all he can do is just lay in bed and small amounts of juice or milk. He was discharged from hospital today but is now incontinent and having to wear adult nappies. It was only 3 months ago he received his diagnosis and now is almost completely dependant on me. Trying to get help from palliative care in community for assistance and support. It breaks my heart to see my husband who, 4 months ago fully independent, is now almost full dependent for everything, some days he struggles to feed himself now

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

kj — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 05:33:49 GMT

Patches sorry to read about your husband ,pancreatic cancer can be very aggressive at stage 4,and yet it can be different for others,I hope palliative care are involved very quickly for both your sakes.Its sad that chemo is knocking his body around so much.

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 02:50:56 GMT

His oncology doctor has told us that having chemo is his best option as, if successfully, it will give him more time. It is only within last few days I have reAdthat it takes up to 6mths after chemo stops for body to be rid of side effects. He has decided to keep going with his chemo in hope he gets more time, even though he expects to be unable to do anything for months, and I support his decision but I don’t know if it is worth it

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

BJO67 — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 03:22:15 GMT

Hi Patches

I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer.

It eventually spread to his liver and spine.

In a short time he was unable to even walk unassisted to the toilet. He was told he needed to have radiotherapy otherwise he would be paralysed. 6 weeks after that he died. It did nothing to help with pain which they said it would and he still couldnt walk for more than a few metres. I regret that he was put through that when we knew he was declining.

It really is quality of life and not quantity.

I feel for you and your husband...

This disease is soul destroying

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 07:33:05 GMT

His oncology doctor tells me that my husband will not be in pain, especially toward the end of his life. He tells me that he will increase the pain medication and that if he has pain it will only be minor. My mother-in-law died of stomach cancer in 2014 and all that could be done in the end was morphine injections to try to help with her agony. I am terrified that my husband is going to go through agony pain wise before I lose him

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 16:21:11 GMT

My Heart goes out to you and your family Patches! Sending you a great big hug...❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 16:24:49 GMT

Patches, if he feels strong enough to go thru the chemo and gives him any glimpse of hope, it’s always worth it. Stay strong! We are always here for you...❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Mon, 27 Jan 2020 07:28:54 GMT

Some days he wants to continue with chemo saying that he is not a quitter and is going to keep going regardless what happens. Other days he doesn’t want to have more chemo as is scared he will be back in hospital again very quickly. Today his thoughts are positive about having chemo in hope it will give him more time and that he hopes he will start to have some good days soon. He is due to have next treatment of chemo which usually will see him exhausted and fatigued from Friday afternoons to Monday afternoon, he just starts to feel bit better and then it is time for next chemo treatment. Next week should be his rest week so no chemo, hope so to allow his body to have bit of rest. Not sure what is going on but today he mentioned he had some abdominal pain about 4 hrs after taking his targin..... good thing was 2 Panadol and resting eased majority of his pain. Tonight he is feeling heaps better within himself and is wanting to try to eat something, he has hardly been able to or had interest in food for almost 6 weeks now

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

BJO67 — Mon, 27 Jan 2020 07:32:34 GMT

Sending healing thoughts and hugs

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Tue, 28 Jan 2020 02:51:28 GMT

Hi patches did you receive my long post? I sure hope you did, but I haven’t heard back from you, so I’m just concerned about you and your husband. ❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 03:37:50 GMT

Hi Patches,

Just wanted to make sure you are ok. Sending you and your husband my thoughts and prayers. ❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 08:57:30 GMT

Life in general has been busy last few days and I might not be on here every day. My husband had his next chemo treatment today plus, I suspect, potassium top up as he spent nearly 4 hrs at our local hospital cancer day ward. Last couple of days it has become quite obvious that chemo is starting to have negative impact on his ability to think, remember, talk and process things...... when he is tired it is almost impossible to understand what he says as most times he appears to just mumble.

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 09:23:26 GMT

When he sees me typing things my husband shows jealousy tendencies or gets nasty snapping, “ who you talking to now, telling everyone about the cancer aren’t you”. He was never like this before starting chemo

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 20:27:33 GMT

Patches,

Well you both are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to vent I am here. Please remember to take a minute for yourself, even if it’s just for a short period of time. 🙏🏻❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 20:31:12 GMT

I totally understand, my husband is the same way. Lol. But it’s ok when he does it....but me he says the same thing, you better not be telling them about my Cancer...🙄 ugh...No matter what we do they can pick us apart. It drives me insane...

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

BJO67 — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 22:05:58 GMT

You're an amazing woman .....

Please know we are thinking of you x

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Fri, 31 Jan 2020 18:29:43 GMT

BJ067,

We all think the same about you to Bj067. That you are pretty amazing yourself. We all definitely are here for support. You are all amazing... ❤️

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Patches — Sat, 01 Feb 2020 11:28:16 GMT

I know what you mean. Last night my husband got angry saying that I was pushing him away and that if I don’t want to be with him anymore to just say so. I reminded him that it was himself during the last few days who has said about working on a project himself for his enjoyment only and that when I ask about the project we had been planning for the last couple of months to start, it was himself who said that we might get to it at some time but he just wants to work on this new project on his own. After telling him how those words he hurt me and made me feel that I was not wanted and felt like he was pushing me away he burst into tears, during which I held his hand in attempt to comfort him. Earlier tonight when I got upset and was crying he just sat beside me, no emotion, no attempt to comfort me, no nothing. Times like this it feels like I have already lost my husband which hurts so much

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Eliz — Sun, 02 Feb 2020 00:45:09 GMT

Hi Patches

I am one of the lucky ones who has survived this cancer Pancreas cancer 22 mm tumour in 2010. I had 3 lymph nodes which disappeared while having chemo radiation and Paw Paw tablets (which weren't from my oncologist) I had the Whipple operation November 29th 2010 the tumour had shrunk to 16 mm and the nodes were no longer glowing on a PET scan.

The chemo didn't agree with me either and I used to get sick the evening after receiving chemo each week. When I was having radiation I had a chemo bag attached to me 24/7 during this time maybe because the chemo was going in slower I wasn't getting sick or having to go to hospital with high temperatures. I don't mind if you share this with your husband as it is good to be included. I had the palliative nurses visiting each week they were great answering questions from us both.

Re: Overwhelmed - pancreatic cancer stage 4

Traci-Renee — Mon, 03 Feb 2020 00:52:37 GMT

Hi Patches,

I’m so sorry, I know how it feels to be pushed aside, the feeling is aweful. My husband started again today with me. Ask me about what the dr. Said bc that I don’t forget anything and if he finds out I know something and didn’t tell him that he would be so mad. Well I felt scared and trapped bc I don’t know his dr well enuff, so I didn’t know if the dr would throw me under the bus. So I only shared what I was told and not everything. I told him he was not ever gonna be cancer free and will never be in remission or cured. I was petrified that the dr. Might say he told us. The only thing I didn’t tell him was the stage he was at. But after I said that I started saying the dr said he could treat until he can’t treat, he cut me off. Started screaming and said when were you gonna tell me. You have known for two F-in weeks and didn’t tell me. I’m a big boy I can take good and bad. So I thru my hands up not finishing the rest of my sentence about dr treating till he couldn’t treat. And threw my hands up and said I’m leaving...bc he was getting so upset. Now he says you left me in my room, thinking the worst...your so damn negative. I don’t know why you want to hurt me intentionally or if it’s unintentional. I would never hurt him. I have been here the whole way. He called my daughter, who called me an ASSH$&@. And she candy coated everything again. He said our daughter explained everything to him...and was mad at me. I didn’t tell him bc I wanted to, I told him bc I was kinda threatened, with the thought of the dr. Who didn’t tell him might end up telling him that I knew and then I’m screwed. I also think he should know a little bit, so he doesn’t push him self. I never wanted to tell him. I am now just a mess...I never told him what stage he was. I’m so mad at the dr. Bc he said he was gonna talk to my husband the day after the surgery, and danced around it...now I’m a dumb B...he’s mad at me. I screamed and said I’m so unhappy, I’m leaving....I didn’t throw the word divorce out there, so he is assuming that’s what I meant so telling me how aweful I am for saying I’m gonna leave him thru his cancer. Oh my god...I just feel like I can’t do anything right at all. But his lying cheating friends he sticks up for. I’m just a wife. A very heartbroken Wife. 💔 who comes last on everything...the things this man has put me thru since 2014, no wife should have to bare the heartbreak. Me staying and trying to work out my marriage, I guess like a blind Ass Wife and now he has Cancer and I love him, but the pain and hurt is unbearable. I want to pack my things and never look back, but my heart is with him. I just feel like his heart isn’t in it for me after 22 years and three kids. His friends come first and I will never feel like he has my back, not like his lying cheating friends. I’m sorry to vent, but that is what this is for right. The GOOD, THE BAD and ThE UGLY. I don’t know what to do... and we’ll I honestly can’t ask GoD to point me in the right direction bc he’s already put me in a very very bad place. Sorry everyone...life and Cancer SUCKS!