https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35009#M4383 <DIV>Its a horrid situation - i have given my all to this relationship over 37 years .... i just cant accept that he opted not too say anything until i asked the question !&nbsp; &nbsp;His attitude is that he is always right even when he is clearly wrong!&nbsp; &nbsp;never take ownership of his bad decisions or behaviour.&nbsp; &nbsp;I am tired of it all...... sadly never thought i would feel like that .......&nbsp;</DIV> Wed, 01 Jul 2020 00:29:55 GMT ribs 2020-07-01T00:29:55Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34879#M4369 <P>My partner was diagnosed with Prostate cancer in November 2019 and had Robotic Surgery to remove the prostate cancer in March of this year! It has been very stressful&nbsp; time for us as a couple and also very stressful for our son and daughter! its been rough on us and I have tried my best to help him through this horrific journey!</P> <P>&nbsp;</P> Fri, 26 Jun 2020 02:15:49 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34879#M4369 ribs 2020-06-26T02:15:49Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34931#M4370 <P>Sending lots of hugs to you <a href="https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/user/viewprofilepage/user-id/8067">@ribs</a>, and welcome to the community!</P> <P>&nbsp;</P> <P>I've just moved your post over here so it's a little bit more easily seen by others. My name is Kate and I am one of the admins here at Cancer Council <span class="lia-unicode-emoji" title=":smiling_face_with_smiling_eyes:">😊</span></P> <P>&nbsp;</P> <P>I'm sure some people will be along soon to reply to your post, but I'm sending you an email now with some additional options <span class="lia-unicode-emoji" title=":red_heart:">❤️</span></P> <P>&nbsp;</P> <P>-Kate</P> <P><EM>Cancer Council Online Community Manager</EM></P> Fri, 26 Jun 2020 02:20:16 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34931#M4370 Katekat 2020-06-26T02:20:16Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34971#M4380 Hi ribs,<BR /><BR />How are you?<BR />It's a terrible situation, &amp; I feel for you. Have things improved in the past week, now that the stress of having cancer has gone, has his attitude toward you changed for the better? Do you think he will revert to how he was before the cancer diagnosis?<BR /><BR />Budgie Mon, 29 Jun 2020 04:15:54 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34971#M4380 Budgie 2020-06-29T04:15:54Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34975#M4381 <P>Hi Ribs,</P><P>Yes it is a selfish and mean spirited act. Cancer does not just impact the good people. From how I read your words, your partner was like this before the diagnosis? That his behaviour became worse during the cancer?&nbsp;</P><P>You are very dissappointed by his withholding the news because it would have freed you and the family from all the misgivings and heartache of the unknown.&nbsp;</P><P>You are angry and I don't blame you. It is no way to treat someone who demonstrated they were there for him. What messages can you take away from all this that tell you where you fit in to all&nbsp; this? How does staying serve you? Can it be salvaged and would he try?</P> Mon, 29 Jun 2020 05:04:43 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/34975#M4381 VM 2020-06-29T05:04:43Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35008#M4382 <P>Hi Budgie,</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>No I think he is too set in his ways – he never ever apologises for his actions and I have had enough of doing stuff his way !!&nbsp; its hard going trying to please someone who is never satisfied!&nbsp; I am happy and relieved that his cancer has been treated and with great result!&nbsp;&nbsp; But for now I am going to look at things now that are goods for me!&nbsp;&nbsp; I have given the benefit of the doubt way too often and I am over waiting for Mr Happy too show his face!!</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>Thanks for llistening I really do appreciate it!!</P><P>&nbsp;</P> Wed, 01 Jul 2020 00:29:40 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35008#M4382 ribs 2020-07-01T00:29:40Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35009#M4383 <DIV>Its a horrid situation - i have given my all to this relationship over 37 years .... i just cant accept that he opted not too say anything until i asked the question !&nbsp; &nbsp;His attitude is that he is always right even when he is clearly wrong!&nbsp; &nbsp;never take ownership of his bad decisions or behaviour.&nbsp; &nbsp;I am tired of it all...... sadly never thought i would feel like that .......&nbsp;</DIV> Wed, 01 Jul 2020 00:29:55 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35009#M4383 ribs 2020-07-01T00:29:55Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35011#M4384 <P><span class="lia-unicode-emoji" title=":disappointed_face:">😞</span></P><P>&nbsp;</P> Wed, 01 Jul 2020 02:48:25 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35011#M4384 VM 2020-07-01T02:48:25Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35013#M4385 Do what you need to do to look after yourself. Now that he's been given the all clear, you don't have to feel like you need to stay in the relationship. If a relationship has soured, &amp; you've given it your best, you have the option of leaving. Who knows, maybe he'll change under the threat of you leaving, but I doubt it. Leopards never change their spots.<BR />Whatever you decide to do, don't put up with his crap anymore. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership.<BR />Take care of yourself <a href="https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/user/viewprofilepage/user-id/8067">@ribs</a>.<BR /><BR />Budgie Wed, 01 Jul 2020 03:49:08 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35013#M4385 Budgie 2020-07-01T03:49:08Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35020#M4387 <P>Hi ribs</P><P>I Agree with Budgie ,you need to put yourself first now,I don’t understand people’s behaviour at times,good luck with whatever you decide.</P> Thu, 02 Jul 2020 02:13:46 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Partner-of-37-years-get-all-clear-and-doesnt-tell-me-the-good/m-p/35020#M4387 kj 2020-07-02T02:13:46Z