topic Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3 in Coping with a loved one's cancer

My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Jan75 — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 05:41:59 GMT

We find out mum had cancer mild July, she has had 2 surgeries so far. My mum is 72 years old and has COPD as well. I go to every appointment with her, and will be going to her treatment with her. My sons are struggling with their nan having cancer. I’m trying to do everything for everyone but someone said to me “ what about you” ? I have been worrying about everyone else and not about me.

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Anonymous — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 10:43:34 GMT

Hi @Jan75

Doing everything for everyone is not sustainable and is a sure fire way to get burnout.

As carers we need to do things to look after our own physical and mental health and this includes taking some time to do things we enjoy that replenish our souls.

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Jan75 — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 02:27:58 GMT

Thank you 😊

You are so right, I will burn out. I need to have ME time as well

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 02:55:17 GMT

@Jan75

Learning how to give carer guilt a swift kick out the door is essential. There are support services available for both you as a caregiver and your Mum as a patient and I would would gently encourage you to tap into these

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Jan75 — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 06:35:19 GMT

Yes have started to look into that. Thank you 😊

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 10:30:12 GMT

@Jan75 Finding a balance in relation to how much time we are able to offer to our loved ones is hard, particularly when our hearts are breaking but we also have our own responsibilities.

Is there a particular aspect of caregiving that you are finding particularly difficult?

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Jan75 — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 07:23:27 GMT

Mum is always feeling sick, no matter what she does. I’m trying to find ways to help her from feeling sick. Her blood pressure is high at the moment since her 2nd surgery, we found out she is going in for a 3rd surgery next week.

Re: My mum has breast cancer, grade 3

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 23:55:12 GMT

@Jan75 growing old ain't got the faint hearted. With a number of diagnoses, it is more a case of management, having regular medication reviews can be helpful as interactions are often missed but ultimately becoming pain and/or symptom free is unrealistic. Lifestyle interventions can be difficult at any stage and often older people are resistant to doing gentle exercise or improving their diets which can make a heap of difference (speaking from personal experience here - I am not geriatric but being somewhat "Rubeunesque" find these hard but worthwhile 😵)

Does your mum get help through my aged care which could take some of the caring pressure away from you?