topic Re: Struggling to Cope in Coping with a loved one's cancer

Struggling to Cope

samwise221 — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 23:37:53 GMT

Hi there, my name is Samantha and I am 24. On Boxing Day we received the news that a close family friend of ours had mulitple cancerous tumours that had spread throughout his facial nerves and to the centre of his brain and finally his brain stem.

He is more of a father figure to me, he paid for my entire high school tuition and was always there for me even though he had no obligation to do so. Now he is on the Gold Coast, I am in Victoria, and he is going through aggressive chemo and radiation but no one will say anything about an actual prognosis. The doctors just seem baffled by his cancer and keep calling in colleagues from interstate for advice etc.

I did not really have reliable adults in my life growing up but he was always there, and even though it is probably cliche I doubt there are many people in the world as simply good as he is. The fact that this is happening to him infuriates me even though I know that is unfair for me to think.

I am crying randomly all the time, even at work, and I am jumpy and nervous as well. I feel like a wreck and I can barely think of anything besides this, I worry I will lose friends because I am such miserable company right now. I am just struggling so much and I feel so guilty because it is not me who has the cancer, it is him. I just don't know how to cope.

Re: Struggling to Cope

Budgie — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 04:53:09 GMT

Hi @samwise221,

It's very hard watching someone you care about going thru cancer, especially when you're so far away from each other.
Regarding doctors not giving a prognosis - they rarely will, because they can be quite easily wrong, especially if they don't know exactly what they're dealing with.

I think you should find someone to talk with about ways to cope, & you have a few options for this. You can call the Cancer Council # 131120, Lifeline, a member of the clergy, engage a social worker, or even just download to a friend. Talking can help alot & it makes a big difference to how you can cope. I wish you & your friend all the best.

Budgie

Re: Struggling to Cope

OzStu — Sat, 06 Mar 2021 08:44:20 GMT

I feel for the guy. I feel for you too. I wish I had of had someone like you who cared for me so much when I was going through treatment. Instead, my only son disowned me over a silly argument. Ok, I'm identifying with him obviously. You say he is like a father figure to you. If possible, take some time off work or whatever required, and go to him. Shower him with love and affection and make sure he knows you love him and care for him. That would be priceless. xo

Re: Struggling to Cope

MyheroCoolSpy — Thu, 08 Apr 2021 13:56:15 GMT

I feel sad for you, but hold on and believe that everything will be okay. You have to be brave in order to support him emotionally. If you can't go there physically, maybe you can video call him and let him know you are always on his side so keep fighting!