topic Re: All new to this in Coping with a loved one's cancer

All new to this

lin78 — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 06:45:15 GMT

My family and I have just found out that our mum has pantreatic cancer that has spread to the liver she is currently in hospital she had a stent put in to help with the jaundice then tackling the next part her cancer. When she gets out she will be organising her rental and moving in with me. I will be taking care of her I am taking one day at a time as we are not sure how long she will be with her. I know it is going to be hard not just on me but my daughter but I need to do this for her she took care of me when I was younger so it is now my turn to take care of her and all help my younger brother who has a disability.

Re: All new to this

kj — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 07:45:08 GMT

lin78

Sorry to read of your mums pancreatic cancer diagnosis and that it has spread to her liver.But don’t neglect your own health, while giving love and support to your mum.

Re: All new to this

lin78 — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 08:15:56 GMT

Thanks , I will be ensuring that I have time for myself as well as ensuring my mum is ok. At present she is in hospital and not sure when she will be out so will still go see her and get the room ready before she comes out of hospital.

Re: All new to this

Patches — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 09:41:44 GMT

Sorry to hear about your mum lin78. My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2019, it had spread to his liver prior to diagnosis. Sending my love to both you and your mum. ❤️

Re: All new to this

lin78 — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 12:06:52 GMT

Thanks. I am still coming to terms with things as we only found out Monday this week. So it has been hard. My mum is 75 turning 76 next week she understands that she has pancratic cancer to a degree but she doesn't know thatit has spread to the liver. I am just taking it day by day getting my houorganised for when she comes down here for me to look after. I think it of this way she looked after me while I grew up it is now time for me to look after her.

Re: All new to this

Patches — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 05:10:55 GMT

Taking each day at a time can be the best option. Try to not get concerned that your mum doesn’t know the cancer has spread beyond her pancreas, lots of Oncologists do not tell patients the stage or estimate time left as this only causes upset and stress for everyone. Staying positive is the magic key. Hoping your mum is discharged from hospital soon. Does your mum know she is coming to live with you when she leaves hospital?

Re: All new to this

lin78 — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 05:20:07 GMT

Thanks Patches. We all got a surprise on friday to here mum was coming home she was to stay with my younger brother and come down here Monday but she come here Friday night. She is fine staying with me. We now have to wait to get a appointment to see someone at the gold coast hospital to discuss treatment.

Re: All new to this

Patches — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 07:17:29 GMT

That is great news that she is home with you!! One of the hardest things now is the waiting but the day of the appointment will come when it is meant to. Do you have a specialised cancer hospital near you or is there a cancer day ward attached to your local hospital?

My suggestions for you until you see the specialist is take each day as it comes ...... if there are things your mum likes to do then try to do them ..... let your mum take the lead about discussing her cancer as much as possible. Important thing to discuss with your mum is how much she wants to be told plus is she ok with you asking questions, including asking questions without her being present. At first my husband wanted to be the only one to ask questions ..... after a couple of months he was happy for me to ask questions without him present but he didn’t want to know what info I was given.

main thing is continuing to take one day at a time and enjoying life as a family.

take care

always here if you like to chat.

Re: All new to this

luna426 — Sun, 23 Jan 2022 08:31:39 GMT

Hi lin78,

I hope that you are staying strong, wherever you are now in this journey. I came across your post while looking for pancreatic cancer support groups - My mom, who I am very close to, was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on Thanksgiving of 2018. She was given 18 months to live...but she's still fighting today and doing well. Like your mom, she recently had a stent put in for jaundice, which she's recovered from now. (That was so scary - my mom joked that she looked like a character from "The Simpsons!")

I know how incredibly devastating it is to receive the news that a family member has this type of cancer. The people around me don't seem to understand how dangerous it is - the media really only focuses on a few types of cancer, like breast. Be mindful when you research this type of cancer - not everything you see is 100% accurate, and it really depends on the person. I was terrified when I first found out how deadly pancreatic cancer is, but I know now that there is hope...and options.

My mom wrote an article about the things that have helped her during her cancer journey these past 3 years. Maybe it would be of help to you and your mom. It's posted here.

Sending love, healing and strength to you, your brother and your mom.

-A friend

Re: All new to this

lin78 — Sun, 23 Jan 2022 08:42:42 GMT

To all the lovely people who commented on my post. Sadly my mum passed away in June last year. We are all still coming to terms with it all. Thank you all for your support

Re: All new to this

Patches — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 06:56:10 GMT

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mum. sending you my love and lots of hugs. first few months after my husband passed away I felt like I was getting on starting a new way of living without him and all of a sudden one day the pain of missing him hit me and I started grieveing for him again. I say again as I know I was grieving during his last few months.
It is now just over 18mths since I lost my husband, I still miss him and I probably always will. I lost my mum (not to cancer) approx 15 years ago and I will always miss her also but the days get easier over time and things doesn't hurt as much. I find there are days or things that are emotional triggers, I now try to look on these as times when I remember the good times and allow myself to cry if I want to.

Take care of yourself ❤️