https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4229#M555 Hi DizzyDee, A friend of mine who lost his partner to cancer 3 years ago said exactly the same thing. Support and company is readily offerred and available up until the funeral and then within a week or so, you're on your own. Everyone else is getting back on with their lives and you're left alone. Whilst we can't be there for you in person, I hope you know that we (your cyber buddies) are here for you. Offload whatever you need to, whenever you need to, however you need to right here, because there is someone here who will understand what you are going through. No judgement. It hurts. It sucks. It's not fair that everyone else gets to go on living in their world, when your world has fallen apart. Cyber hugs to you, Jill Wed, 19 May 2010 04:00:11 GMT Mrs_Elton 2010-05-19T04:00:11Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4228#M554 I realise that the world will not stop because one of us has lost a loved one. But a hiccup or some small acknowledgment in my small corner of the everyday would be nice. How do we continue with the everyday mundanities, when our world has been forever changed. I am angry and frustrated because nothing has changed. How do we get through the ignorance without yelling and screaming? I want to stop people in the street and tell them my sadness, just so as someone I don't know can feel a little of what my family and I are going through. Now that my Dad has lost his battle with cancer and we have had his funeral, am I supposed to just move on? Is that what most of the world thinks? How many here have had to cope with the "Oh well, it is time for other things now, attitude" My friends are not like that, but in truth how long before they are over it as well? Losing any loved one is devastating for everyone, I know that and I often wonder how badly my compassion has faired for others in similar situations. How many of us think we are good people until we are faced with being the one that needs the understanding and question our own performances? Mon, 17 May 2010 01:48:10 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4228#M554 DizzyDee 2010-05-17T01:48:10Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4229#M555 Hi DizzyDee, A friend of mine who lost his partner to cancer 3 years ago said exactly the same thing. Support and company is readily offerred and available up until the funeral and then within a week or so, you're on your own. Everyone else is getting back on with their lives and you're left alone. Whilst we can't be there for you in person, I hope you know that we (your cyber buddies) are here for you. Offload whatever you need to, whenever you need to, however you need to right here, because there is someone here who will understand what you are going through. No judgement. It hurts. It sucks. It's not fair that everyone else gets to go on living in their world, when your world has fallen apart. Cyber hugs to you, Jill Wed, 19 May 2010 04:00:11 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4229#M555 Mrs_Elton 2010-05-19T04:00:11Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4230#M556 Hi Dizzy Dee At time like this I revert to poetry and in this case, from W H Auden. Some people may remember it from he film four weddings and a funeral. I don't remember it from the film,. although I did see it, but from the funeral of the fifteen year old son of friends. Why poetry - my words are just too poor to express feeling, I need those of a master wordsmith. Sailor Funeral Blues Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden Wed, 19 May 2010 09:21:32 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4230#M556 Sailor 2010-05-19T09:21:32Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4231#M557 Auden's words are both beautiful and true, Sailor. DizzyDee, please remember that there is always an ear for your outpourings here. S Wed, 19 May 2010 11:22:00 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4231#M557 samex 2010-05-19T11:22:00Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4232#M558 Thank you so much for that poem, it is exactly how I feel. And thank you all for your kind words and genuine thoughts. It will be a long time before I stop crying for the loss of my Dad, not just because he is gone from our lives but also because of what he suffered due to this evil disease. It took away all that made him who he was, without mercy. I am angry, sad and frustrated some days more than others and at other times feel guilty for the smiles. There is a part of me that wants to make every moment count and another that has no idea of how to do that. I guess I am most scared of my life staying the same even though it is forever altered. I am doing a lot of sighing. Wed, 19 May 2010 13:54:39 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4232#M558 DizzyDee 2010-05-19T13:54:39Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4233#M559 DizzyDee, I felt the same way when my gentle and wonderful mother died and for a time the world did stop for me. My heart literally ached with an emptiness I had never experienced before. Many tears were shed but there were times when I felt a gentle calmness and warmth, I felt this was my mother’s love giving me a reassuring hug. I still feel my mothers love through my memories and will always feel privileged to have known such love and guidance. I received a newsletter from the Westmead Cancer Clinic a few months back, in which I read a lovely quote. I hope you can take some comfort from these beautiful words:- “No one cries very much unless something of real worth is lost. So grieving is a celebration of the depth of the union. Tears are the jewels of remembrance – sad but glistening with the beauty of the past” – Author unknown Sometimes I just sat on a hill near my home and thought about mum, cried until their were no more tears and then quietly returned home. If you feel alone and sadness overtakes you, there will always be someone to listen on this website. Take care. Reindeer xx Thu, 20 May 2010 05:02:23 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4233#M559 2010-05-20T05:02:23Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4234#M560 Dear all, PLEASE NOTE: This commercial post has been removed by the Administration Team as it breaches the terms and conditions of usage for the website. Kind regards Kate Cancer Connections Coordinator Fri, 21 May 2010 23:32:00 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4234#M560 2010-05-21T23:32:00Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4235#M561 This is obnoxious! This site is for people affected by cancer to support each other, not for people like you to prey on the vulnerable and charge exorbitant amounts of money for quackery! Go away and leave this site for what it is meant to be Sailor Sat, 22 May 2010 00:22:07 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4235#M561 Sailor 2010-05-22T00:22:07Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4236#M562 Hear,Hear Sailor...totally agree, what a load of quackery. Cancer Healers email has been flagged as offensive. The quicker they leave the better. Reindeer Sat, 22 May 2010 00:51:42 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4236#M562 2010-05-22T00:51:42Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4237#M563 Hi Dizzy Dee. Your words ring so true to me right now. My dad died 2 weeks ago from cancer and the world does keep on turning even though I wish it would stop to let me take a breath. It is like that poem from Sailor or the lovely song by Susan Boyle-why does the sun go on shining,why does the sea rush to the shore.Dont they know it is the end of the world?? That is how my dads death has felt to me at times-like the end of the world as I knew it, and it is exactly that. I didnt realise how important he was to me till he died. He was not a lovey dovey dad, but I know he loved my sisters and me. He taught me independence, honesty,morality. He did not die alone but with all of us around him and I am glad I could be there with him as hard as that was. Yes I want the world to know that I hurt, I want someone to know that I hurt. He is at peace now and with that knowledge, life will go on. Sun, 23 May 2010 06:10:22 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4237#M563 choc2rule 2010-05-23T06:10:22Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4238#M564 Hi Sailor, this poem was read by the young man at his partners, the old scottish guys, funeral. I do remember it and I still get teary when I hear it. It truly says speaks volumes about the love one person can have for another. Truly beautiful Choc2rule Sun, 23 May 2010 06:14:18 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4238#M564 choc2rule 2010-05-23T06:14:18Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4239#M565 Hi Dizzy, it's my first time on here and your post lept out at me. I have lost my grandparents (who I lived with growing up). My grandad in September 2008 - 2 weeks before he was to walk me down the isle and my grandmother was diagnosed just after the end of my honeymoon, she passed almost a year ago. I'm still struggling to get through everything and cannot understand how to get through everything as I was my grandma's carer and we were all very close. I find that I cannot stop the tears and the world wont give me time to stop - and even if it did I don't know if I could. I find although my husband is fantastic and supportive and although he tries to help I feel quite alone and lost with no family around me. Unfortunately I don't have any advice like many of the others here but knowing your not the only one may help? I guess we have to try and hold on to the good times and try to deal with it in our own way?? Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:41:55 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4239#M565 sg 2010-06-16T05:41:55Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4240#M566 Hi Sg When I saw your post I thought I might have some words of wisdom to give you but I was wrong. Nothing makes death easier whether it was 1 year ago or just 1 month ago. We all grieve in our own way. I would like to suggest, for you and only if you feel it is right for you , to have some grief counselling. I think you need it for you. Sometimes we can still feel so alone even in a room full of people, cos no one understands how or what we are feeling at a certain time. We will always remember our loved ones at different times and in different situations. Different actions and times will make us remember them and then the tears may come but it might just be sad thoughts and eventually, I think, the tears will dry up but the sadness stays longer. Lean on your husband and anyone who you feel comfortable with in your grief. Be gentle on yourself-cry if you want and laugh if you want. Our emotions are gifts from God. Let them happen. Dont feel you have to be happy just cos others around you are. Be the emotion that you feel. Be kind to yourself. Wed, 16 Jun 2010 06:53:50 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4240#M566 choc2rule 2010-06-16T06:53:50Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4241#M567 Dizzy I understand too. I even remember getting angry at the morning show hosts on TV after being told my 1 year old son had a brain tumour. How dare they even smile and say good morning? And then to feel even more emptiness when he passed away, 'how are you?' from the cornerstore checkout chick , well do you really want to know? Take some comfort in what you are feeling is totally normal. And I've learnt, and in alot of ways am still learning, it doesn't get easier; you just get used to the new normal. Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:22:11 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4241#M567 wapwap48 2010-06-16T13:22:11Z https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4242#M568 Hi Choc, Thank you for your reply. Your right about being in a crowded room and still feeling lonely and wapwap, I've never considered that its the new normal and of all things I have heard this makes the most sense. Much better than people saying things get easier. Over the past few years I have been seeing a few psychologists after being recommended by the hospitals counselor. I have found that things may feel better for a few weeks but it keeps going back like it all happened yesterday. I'm just about to start with a new one at the end of this month... Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:11:48 GMT https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/Coping-with-a-loved-one-s-cancer/Why-doesn-t-the-world-stop/m-p/4242#M568 sg 2010-06-17T12:11:48Z