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Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Sat, 31 Aug 2024 03:10:42 GMT

My name is Richard, I am 68 yro, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer 4 weeks ago with 2 tumors, my surgery was 10 days ago with a follow up appointment with my urologist 3 days ago, the results of the tests completed on the tumors and biopsies are conclusive that I have cancer, however I will have to go back into hospital in 4 weeks time to have repeat surgery and deeper biopsies taken as the surgeon is not satisfied he has removed all of the cancer.

I am finding myself so alone and becoming quite depressed and anxious as I have no family or close friends for support during this tough time for me. Is it normal to become depressed when you have cancer ? , should I be seeing my GP regarding antidepressants ? All of my life i have been fit and healthy although I did smoke but don't anymore but never been on antidepressants in the past. At the moment I cannot get out and go for walks etc because my surgery is still healing, I just feel so isolated at home and becoming very negative about all of this. Has anyone been in a similar situation to me, and if so what did you do to help.

Thanks, Richard

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Sun, 01 Sep 2024 10:35:52 GMT

Hi Richard,

I really understand what you are feeling as I am in the same situation in a way.

I also went through the operation to do a biopsy , he found a big aggressive tumor in my ureter, so then he removed right kidney, ureter and part of bladder.

I healed quite quickly because Ive always been a bit of a gym junky so fitness helped, but now waiting to go on chemo.

I've taken it easy to let myself heal completely to get ready for chemo.

I'm so sorry for you, it's hard isn't it, especially if you are used to doing exercise, and aren't allowed for a while, you just want to get out there and do something.

I also used to be a smoker many years back, my Oncologist thinks that may be why I got this. Try not to be negative, your specialist will sort it all out for you and work out the best plan for you.

I feel seeing your GP about antidepressants is actually a good idea.

I went on Lexapro antidepressants and I am feeling better.Talk to your specialist or GP.

Sometimes we need a little help.

Reach out here though also, it's good to talk with others who understand.

You sound fit and healthy( apart from this) like me, so you can beat this, I intend to 🙂

It's very daunting hearing that you have cancer, I know, but its not the end of the world, many people get better, so try to think that way. Try to think positive !

Sending hugs to you,

Cindi x

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Ashley_ccnsw — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 23:45:56 GMT

Hi Richard56,

The cancer journey can be deeply impactful, lonely and isolating at times. It's terribly unfortunate, but this can be a common experience. However, many people have found it useful to talk to someone professional about all of this. We have our 13 11 20 line if you need to debrief or get clinical information from an oncology social worker or nurse, we also have our counselling service if you need some deeper emotional support, and depending on your staging we also have our Cancer Connect service or Telephone Support Groups where you can speak to those with a lived experience of cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Please reach out if you need us. We're here to help.

All the best and thinking of you,

Ashley

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Wed, 04 Sep 2024 00:07:23 GMT

Thank you Cindi for your kind words and wishes, I am seeing the GP today for some antidepressants.

I am trying to be as positive as i can

Wishing you all the very best on your recovery too.

Kind regards

Richard xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Mon, 23 Sep 2024 10:02:50 GMT

Thank you Cindi for your message, you are so very kind .You have been so brave to go through all that, how are you feeling now ? are you on Chemo yet ? Please let me know.

I have my next round of cancer surgery next Monday 30th Sept, atm I won't know what the ongoing treatment will be, definitely immunotherapy, but also could be chemotherapy as well, just have to wait until the op then see the oncologist.

Wishing you all the very best, you will be in my thoughts for your recovery.

Sending you healing wishes

Richard xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 00:52:13 GMT

Hi Richard,

Sometimes I think the "waiting" for surgery or results is the hardest part.

But it comes and then good to get it over and done with.

I'm so glad your going to get some help with anti depressants, any help we can get is good.

I've found the chemo is not as bad as I first thought it would be, I was prepared for much worse, so don't be worried about that too much.

It seems they know how to help with side affects a lot these days thank goodness.

This Thursday I go into the clinic for my chemo of Gemcitabine & Carboplatin.

I'm onto my second cycle of chemo.

On Wednesday I have my bloods done so they can see if they need to lower drugs or whatever, so they do keep a close eye on you.

I also found that after chemo for a few nights I had a sleeping pill ( prescribed by oncologist) really helps me, so maybe you can discuss this with your Onc too? or you may not need it at all.

Good luck with your surgery, where abouts are you?

I'm in Sydney. I go to the Health Hub opposite North Shore Private hospital.

Sending you hugs and best wishes,

Cindi xx

The unknown is scary I know, but your oncologist should be able to inform you of whatever you want to know, I found it helpful to write things down so I wouldn't forget what to ask my oncologist.

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 02:53:34 GMT

Hi Cindi,

Thank you for your message, glad the chemo is not as bad as expected for you, have you had any hair loss or gum and teeth problems at all ? Yes the waiting and not knowing is stressful, my doctor has prescribed Endep low dose to help get me off to sleep also some temazapam 1 tablet per day for anxiety, I'm trying not to take these, only if I'm desperate .

Keeping busy is a challenge, i go to the gym most days just to walk on the treadmill for an hour, then read a book or watch some tv, I'm 68yro, at this point just trying to get my fitness back, I had a hip replacement in april as well so this year has been a real challenge for me. I had been on google a lot researching bladder cancer, now I'm staying away from that, it hasn't been uplifting for me.

Its only been these last few days that its really hit home that my cancer could limit my life, however I just must focus on living and keep positive and have a healthy lifestyle,

I live in the sth east suburbs of Melbourne, Berwick, my hospital is only 5 minutes away fortunately, the same with my urologist.

So now I will just have to wait till the 2nd surgery on the 30th and then the results of the deep biopsies then the oncologist.

Talk soon.

Sending you hugs and Best wishes too. 🙂❤

Take care,

Richard xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 01:08:44 GMT

Hi Richard,

Well tomorrow I go in to have my big chemo session, and no, so far not really much hair loss, a bit of thinning, but nothing much. Gums & teeth fine, I make sure I brush twice a day and I was recommended to gargle with one teaspoon of bi -carb soda, which helps.

Today I go and have bloods done so they can check how my body is coping.

I'm glad you've got some meds for the anxiety, I know it's really no good telling you not to worry too much, because you just do don't you, but you will probably feel a bit better after your operation on the 30th ( not long to go) it's just so hard facing the unknown.

You're a bit like me , I also love the gym and I've managed this last week to go back and do a bit of exercise ! so I'm not feeling too bad at all. I also like the treadmill, but I read my Kindle reader while on there so I don't get bored.

After tomorrow I will probably lay low as I know Ill feel tired but it's manageable.

Oh PLEASE don't look up Dr Google, it just freaks one out! a lot of what you read is out dated and also just untrue, don't torture yourself.

I'm so sorry you've also had a hip replacement, not such a good year!!

Aim towards fighting off this cancer and looking ahead with positive thoughts of a healthy 2025.

That's what I'm doing.🙂

I don't know how you feel about dogs, but I find them therapeutic, and because I don't have one myself, I enjoy walking up to a dog off leash park near me and chilling out there, they are such happy souls and can lift the spirit.

Last year I had breast cancer ( didn't have chemo though) and used to go and have acupuncture, it really helped my anxiety and helped me so much. ( I got through all that fine)

You may find it helpful at some stage?

Anyway, please let us know how you're going. I know you feel the 30th is hard to wait for, but it'll come along and then you will find out what the next step will be, honestly, they have come such a long way with treatments and when on chemo they monitor you so well and adjust it all to make it as comfortable as possible for you, try your best to think positively, trust in your team .

Talk soon,

hugs from Cindi xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 01:47:00 GMT

Hi Cindi,

Thanks for your message, and yes I will do my utmost to follow your advice and be as positive as I can.

Yesterday I got audible and downloaded a book, I normally just read but I thought I would give it a try, I don't have any pets either, I had a cat that passed away 2 years ago, she was 17, I live in a small unit from the beginning of this year now so having a pet wouldn't be ideal for them.

Today I'm feeling a bit down atm, my feelings and emotions are up and down, for the first time in my life I don't feel like myself at all, I always felt positive and strong with a good outlook to life, I just have to get that back.

I will be thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts.

Talk again soon

Best wishes, Richard xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 10:39:18 GMT

Hi Cindi,

I've been thinking about you and checking in on how you are feeling after the big chemo session on Thursday.

I really hope you're feeling not too bad and you can get back to the gym in a few days.

Finally we are having some good weather, just the weather can have a bearing on how you feel, tomorrow's going to be sunny and 21 here, but I'll watch the grand final in the arvo, my team is out but it'll be good to watch.

I've been stocking up on supplies, food etc for my op on Monday, my last op I couldn't drive for 2 weeks and couldn't walk far for a week, it'll be similar this time around I guess.

Its crazy cause today was a day with no pain in my bladder, first time since the surgery, but I'm still incontinent though, I hate the nappies, maybe this will be a lifelong thing though.

I hope you're ok, and I'll be thinking about you.

Take care.

Hugs xx,

Best wishes, Richard

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Sat, 28 Sep 2024 03:13:46 GMT

Hi Richard,

Thank you for thinking of me, I'm not too bad today, managing the sides now, but I don't know what I'd do without the sleeping pills the Oncologist prescribed me, when I first started chemo I didn't realise the steroids they gave me with the chemo would make it so hard to sleep and speedy, but the sleeping pill at night for the first about 4 nights after the chemo help SO MUCH!

I'm managing now to get out and walk a little.

When I told you about the dog park, I didn't mean I have no pets, I've always loved animals, I have 3 cats, they are Burmese, 1 rescue and 2 brothers. they are quite a lot of work as they are always wanting to play and fussy eaters but that's partly my fault as I spoil them rotten!and they are inside cats, but have lots to play with and climbing posts galore.

So sorry about your fur baby's passing, always so sad. Sometimes a cat can be happy in a small apartment if you can give it enough love and play, it'd be nice for you to have a companion.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, but glad the pain's eased.

When you see your specialist you should maybe write down questions to ask so you don't forget, like about the incontinence and why? will it last ? etc.

After my operation I had a stent in for a while ,bypassing the bladder, but after a while that was removed and I'm ok in that way now, as only part of my bladder was removed,so hopefully you will be too at some stage.

Do you have a bladder cancer nurse you can ring or text any questions to? usually there is one working with the Oncologists , my one answers pretty quickly if I text her. It can really ease your worries.

Yes it's good when the sun comes out, everything seems happier 🙂

I'm off now to feed a neighbor's 2 chooks, we give them left over.... roast chicken!! 😆sounds weird but they love it, they also love being patted, very friendly girls, makes me happy being around nature.

I wish you all the best for your op and hope you recover quickly, often the waiting and scary thoughts are worse than the reality, so hope it all goes well.

Sending hugs,

Cindi x

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Sat, 05 Oct 2024 07:08:57 GMT

Hi @Richard56 ,

How are you now? I can't stop thinking about you, I really hope you're healing well and not in too much pain.

I found with the pain meds, they cause bad constipation, so maybe you need to take Movical, that helped me.

Also with the pain meds, I slowly cut them down after about 5 days, slowly came off them.

I'd love to hear what's happening with you, I guess you're waiting for results, which can be so hard.

Please keep in touch.

Sending you big hugs,

Cindi xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Sat, 05 Oct 2024 08:02:31 GMT

Hi Cindi,

Hope you're ok, thinking about you too.

My surgery went ok, this time he removed part of my prostate as well, I was only in 2 days , a cathoda flush for 36hrs, I couldn't sleep...anyway I'm home now and I'm a lot happier, i only have a slight bit of pain, but a lot more when urinating, it will be probably be 4 weeks of healing. I have an appointment with the surgeon on the 15th Oct for a complete review, so I'm staying positive, have to just wait, then see what the oncologist says about treatment.

So last couple of days I've just been watching TV and reading my book, surgeon said limited movement for 10 days, but I will be looking forward to going back to the gym to walk on the treadmill, and I'm lucky that my gym is only 100m away from me.

So how are you feeling ? and when is your next chemo ?. Have you been getting out much at all, last couple of days here the weather has been good, a bit of sunshine always helps me.

Hoping you're ok.

Take care,

Sending nice hugs too xx

Richard

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 00:04:14 GMT

Hi @Richard56 ,

So good to hear from you!

I'm glad it's over and done with for you. Yeah going home is good isn't it, in your own space you feel better.

I completely get where your coming from about wanting to get back to the gym, it's my happy place too, I think next week I will go back for a short period to walk with my reader,try to do some light weight resistant exercises on the maschines, if I have enough energy, as NO chemo next week 😊

The following week on the Thursday I have more treatment then the following week I have the extra heavy stuff, which will knock me around more.

But some don't get so knocked around. I know a lovely person who was on the heaviest chemo and seemed to sail through! so you never know, and your fitness will definitely help you.

Yesterday I walked a bit in the sun, but on chemo you have to be careful of getting too much sun as it makes you burn more.

I hope you heal quickly ( you will I think ,being so fit)

Can't wait till you get results and they make up a plan for you.

Hugs,

Cindi xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 00:38:41 GMT

Hi Cindi,

Thanks for your message, I look forward to them.

It's nice being home, but its different for me now, right through my life I've always been strong inside right through the ups and downs and kept myself together, since being diagnosed with Bladder cancer, my feelings are different now, I've been a bit depressed on and off, I've felt a bit more lonely too, I guess I'm still coming to terms with it as well.

Once I start to heal properly, I'll be able to get out and do things to keep my mind occupied. Do you go through different feelings too ? From all your messages it sounds like you're really on track and really positive.

Today its raining here and cold, so just watching TV and I'll read my book later.

Next couple of days I'll do some short walks so I don't lose too much fitness.

I'll be thinking about you and hoping you're getting through this ok.

Have a good day🙂

Take care,

Richard xx

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 00:28:02 GMT

Hi @Richard56 ,

I'm feeling pretty good today, think my partner & I will be going bush walking, it's nice sunny weather, I like being around nature and find that in the bush there are lots of birds you never see anymore in backyards.

I DO understand about the feelings, I too do that.

It's hard isn't it.

I think "why me?" I had breast cancer last year though so I came to terms with that, so maybe this cancer is easier for me to accept? but still think it's unfair, as this bladder cancer is nothing to do with my breast cancer last year, which they got in time.

Hope you're healing well, I think you'll find yourself healing quickly because if fit beforehand really helps I found.

When you're up to it, try walking a little, doing anything that makes you happy, also when you see your Oncologist maybe ask him if he knows of any support groups down there you could go to? that may help you a lot, or like I've seen on here a lot, call the cancer council and ask them.

There's nothing much up here like that, not like if you have breast cancer, seems to be a lot of support for them.

Our cancer is probably more rare than BC.

I'm here for you anyway, rant and rave as much as you like, I hear you and understand.

Shame you're not in Sydney, we could've met up and talked it all through together.

But we can talk though this forum anyway😊

Try to do something that makes you happy, I hope it's sunny in Victoria for you.

😘

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 06:52:41 GMT

Hi Cindi,

Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.

Yes my partner and I love bush walks. unfortunately she lives 40km away and works full time nightshift, however she is also fantastic support.

But its different when I can talk to you, we're both going through the same journey, and that helps me come to terms with it a little better hearing your story.

Rained all day here, just an inside day

Hope you had good time bush walking.

Take care,

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 07:01:49 GMT

Hi @Richard56 ,

Yes I did enjoy the walk, but got a bit breathless now and then, we just went slowly and I saw a few lovely tiny birds, one was a wren and I saw some whip birds and others I'm not sure what they were, but made me happy.So many have disappeared from backyards.

I'm glad you have a supportive partner, but shame she can't be closer. At least you could speak to her😊

Yes it's good to be able to talk to those going through the same journey.

I am looking forward to hear what your Onc says about the outcome of your surgery, and what the plan is.

Hope you have a good book to read, I like my kindle as I can go online and search out books then get them on the kindle site, it's fun researching what I'd like.

Take care and I HOPE the weather down there clears up for you soon

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Richard56 — Fri, 11 Oct 2024 00:09:49 GMT

Hi Cindi,

How's your week been and how are you feeling?, I've been walking over the last few days, just a km at a time atm with my partner around the streets at her place, I can't walk too far as I need to empty my bladder frequently, it's so annoying as it comes on so fast and I can't hold on either, hopefully that will settle down, I will also talk to my surgeon on Tuesday about that too. I've been at my partners for a couple of days this week, I came home yesterday. My depression comes and goes in waves, today is not the best of days though, i had an average sleep last night even with sleeping tablets, most nights are the same having to go to the bathroom 6 or so times. My pain has settled down a lot now although its not completely gone yet, 1st surgery it took about 5 weeks for the pain to go so there's a bit to go yet.

Next Tuesday I will see my surgeon for the results of deep biopsies and review for treatment, and appointment with onc 🤞

How are you feeling ? and when is your next chemo , do you know when you will see your onc and surgeon next.

Next few days are going to be sunny, and I'll get to see my partner on Sunday, she is taking me to a play in the city, so that will be fun.

Thinking about you and hope your ok

Re: Living alone with Cancer and Depression

Cindi54 — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 06:23:45 GMT

Hi @Richard56 ,

Oh I can imagine how annoying it is for you having to to the loo so much, hopefully that will improve.

Did you go to see your specialist? what happened?

I've been ok the last few days but was sick last Thursday and in hospital a few days to get an infection in my kidney under control, I'm fine today.

This Thursday I see my Oncologist before I have the chemo, I think they are changing things with the chemo and steroid amounts I have, because my kidney was getting affected.

But I'll be right, I trust my Onc completely.

I'm sorry you are depressed, it's not fun, but I hope you try to be a bit positive on your outcome,

hope you had a good weekend with your partner, that should've cheered you up a little?

The depression thing I know isn't good, but the fear of the unknown is probably contributing to it, hope by now you have a few questions answered?

Hope to hear back soon,

Take care,

Cindi xx