topic Re: Need support, no family left. in Grief and loss

Need support, no family left.

Via.lost — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 18:39:49 GMT

Hello....Im not really sure what to say. I am having a very hard time with the loss of my father on christmas this past december. I do not really ever see or speak to my mother, I live on my own. My brother was very very recently killed in afghanistan while trying to pull his friends from a burning jeep. My aunt and uncle do not speak to my mother or myself, I have no grandparents left, and no cousins, as for my uncle and aunt before my father died, they did not even visit him. my fathers own brother would not visit him on his deathbed. I was by his side 24/7 for about 3 weeks before he passed away. before he got really sick, i didnt pay much attention to his condition since they had givin him 6 months when he was first diagnosed, and he fought it for 9 painful incredibly difficult years. I just didnt believe he would die the one way he told me he never wanted to. He told me he would rather die of a bungee jumping accident then laying in a bed withering away. my brother told me the summer before he passed away i should spend more time with him, i didnt listen, and now he is gone. the guilt i feel over this has led me into a dark spiral of alcoholism, depression, panic attacks, and crying every day since he passed. I have no one for comfort, my dad and I were so close when i was just a bit younger, he was my best friend. but now i just drink and drink until i dont care and am numb. I do not know what to do. please if anyone can just...talk to me, I would really appreciate it. thank you.

Re: Need support, no family left.

maddie86 — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 04:02:13 GMT

hey u can talk to us all here 🙂 it gets like that sometimes.. u feel as if there is nobody in the world who understands you and its hard... my partner has cancer, my own parents pester me about paying them board.. rarely let me take out time on my own to chill out.. my friends rarely call me coz they know i'l most likely decline an invitation.. its very sad about your father 😞 i wish there was more i could say to make u feel better but there's not.. only my advice to you would be give it time.. time heals all wounds... i went thru a very dark stage in my life and realized that there is life and hope out there.. let urself mourn the loss of your father, be upset do watever it is you can to let it all out, then slowely you wll see you will get better and better... 🙂 pm if u want to chat im here for you xoxo

Re: Need support, no family left.

Sailor — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:46:34 GMT

Hi Via.lost Maybe a bit of counselling might help - you can get it on medicare. See your GP and they can arrange it. cheers Sailor

Re: Need support, no family left.

craftyone — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 01:51:36 GMT

Hi VIa.lost, I am truly sorry for your loss and isolation. I agree with the other two comments, certainly grieve for your father, and just remember that you were there when he REALLY needed you. Guilt is a very hard thing to deal with, but please be gentle with yourself and do give yourself time to come to terms with it. Yes, go get some counselling when my brother died it was suggested that I get counselling, but I decided to "hang in there" and the feeling of loss eventually eased somewhat. Pop in when you need to and talk it out, sharing, if only through this website, can help a little. Good luck, craftyone

Re: Need support, no family left.

WishingStar — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:35:32 GMT

Hi Via.Lost, I think Sailor as always has sage advice - does the army have counselling being that you are immediate family? Otherwise the Cancer Council may be able to help with councilling for your dad. But with the alcohol side of things - you are the only person who can help there. I have a close family member who is an alcoholic (and believe me they dont do themselves or anyone else any favours) - so speaking from the outside looking in - are you pushing away people that are trying to help?? Your GP may be able to help as a first step, depending on the degree of the problem. You may not need full on rehab, but GP's these days have a range of options and resources to help - but you have to be ready to make the first step. YOU - have more then enough reasons to be depressed and down right now - geez who wouldnt, but you have to make the choice - would your dad and brother want you to live in this state forever? or would they be wanting you to get on with your life? Only you can make that choice. You have a chance at life right now - believe me, some people would do anything to have a choice like yours.

Re: Need support, no family left.

SILLY — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 13:35:21 GMT

I agree with going to counselling. I went last year because I couldn't deal with what my cancer surgery did to my face. I had little faith that it could work as I couldn't imagine anything anyone could say would make me feel better.It did help as I am learning to live with it.I'm not happy when I look in the mirror but I am coping. If you go to your GP as someone else suggested it's cheaper ,maybe even free if the counsellor bulk-bills.Iwas 22 when my dad was killed by a drunk,drink-driver and now I am 60 but still remember the sorrow and the anger I felt towards God for letting this happen. Talk here but try the counselling too. My thoughts are with you.

Re: Need support, no family left.

SILLY — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 00:22:59 GMT

How are things with you now ?

Re: Need support, no family left.

nicky99 — Wed, 17 Oct 2018 03:16:30 GMT

Hello lovely, just read this post even though it’s really old. I hope you are doing well and life is treating you well. Always here for a chat. Xx