topic Coping with my husbands death in Grief and loss

Coping with my husbands death

rjm23 — Fri, 31 Dec 2021 08:24:36 GMT

My husband had a brain tumour removed in 2017. It was only the secondary cancer. The doctors believed he actually had lung cancer, though a tumour was never found. He was diagnosed with cancer of an unknown primary. In October this year he was admitted to hospital where they discovered the cancer had spread to his liver. He came home on 1st November and with the help of the wonderful palliative care team I cared for him until he passed away on 5th November. I naively thought we would get through this and he would be okay. I just wasn't prepared for what lay ahead. I believe he kept a lot of what he was truly feeling from me to protect me. His only concern was me. It is 8 weeks today since he passed and I still can't believe he is gone. The loneliness is what I find hard to deal with. We were home bodies and were content in our little world. We have acreage so I have been very busy with the help of 2 wonderful friends, caring for our property. It helps me to cope. But there are days where I could just cry all day. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself and I try not to, but some days it is so hard to do. It just feels good to get my feelings down. Thank you for giving me this space to do just that.

Re: Coping with my husbands death

LindaG — Sat, 01 Jan 2022 04:33:52 GMT

Hello rjm, I’m so sorry about your husbands death😥. Don’t be hard on yourself for wanting to just cry all day. It’s a normal part of grief and it’s ok to let it happen. When dad died suddenly 2 years ago I cried for months and then mum died a year ago and I’m still so sad. You will be ok but it takes time and you’ll always miss him. It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage 💕. How many years were you married? Glad you have good friends to help you on your farm. 🙏💕 Linda G

Re: Coping with my husbands death

rjm23 — Sat, 01 Jan 2022 04:53:50 GMT

Thank you Linda. We were only married for 10 years: it was both our 2nd marriages as our previous partners had also passed away. This experience is not new to me. I had forgotten how painful and lonely it can be. Sorry to hear about your parents. Thank you for taking the time to respond 🌻

Re: Coping with my husbands death

Wegotthis — Sat, 01 Jan 2022 12:46:38 GMT

Rin

Sorry to hear about your husband 😔

Its only been 8 weeks. I totally understand why you are still crying.

My grandmother has been gone over 20 years and I still can't talk about her without wanting to cry.

There is no time limit on how fast you have to get over the lost of a love one..

I would be unless for a while if I lose my wife.

Sounds like you found a great guy . That's why it hurts so much.

Re: Coping with my husbands death

rjm23 — Sat, 01 Jan 2022 20:03:23 GMT

Thank you Rin. He was a kind, caring man. The comments from friends before his passing and afterwards was testament to that. When he came home to die and friends came to visit and messages came through he even said to me, "I didn't know so many people liked me." He was always doing something for someone and expecting nothing in return. We all have our faults, but he was genuine. I've read that when you love someone you must be prepared to let them go: I know it is easier said than done. I wish you well.