topic I feel so alone in I've just been diagnosed

I feel so alone

locky — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 18:58:18 GMT

OMG what has just happened. 3 days ago I was a normal 60 year old enjoying life and my grandkids. Today I feel like I have been hit by a 10-ton truck. I can't stop crying - I just feel so alone. I have a wonderful network of family and friends but I still feel alone. I am imagining the most terrible things and cannot breathe - and they tell you stay calm and try not to be stressed. OMG -

Re: I feel so alone

peanutz — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 01:26:38 GMT

Perhaps, talk about how you feel may help. We are here to listen to you. 🙂

Re: I feel so alone

SILLY — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:58:18 GMT

I am 60 and was diagnosed with a head and neck cancer just over a year and a half ago. At first it is unbelievably hard but hopefully with treatment things will start to look better. As Peanutz said keep posting.

Re: I feel so alone

Jules_68 — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:59:35 GMT

Hi there Locky, as Peanutz and Silly have said, blog about it. I know its a cliche however time is the only element that adjusts your view of the world and your diagnosis. Its difficult at the time of diagnosis because you are overwhelmed by information. We (c/connections) are ordinary people like yourself and we all understand.....just blog away and say everything and anything. There is no judgement here. One thing is for sure though, you will take 2 steps forward and 10 steps backwards.....however you are moving forward slowly......keep the focus on moving forward. Oh most importantly, be kind to yourself.....don't push yourself, love yourself with your grankids, walking or hobbies. It doesn't matter if you can't concentrate for too long, the important step is that you applied yourself.... Also stay away from the internet. Your diagnosis and treatment is individual like you. Stories on the internet are other persons individual diagnosis and treatments....trust me, I scared the life out of myself. Take care

Re: I feel so alone

CJF — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 11:35:03 GMT

Hi Locky, I think it hits most of us like that. In the early days of confusion it can be hard to know what to do. I think the crying is part of the shock. When I was fIrst diagnosed the doctor who gave me the news had some valuable advice - some of which has been reiterated here. He told me not to try to figure out what to do without all the facts, not to search through the internet where I would find so many conflicting views. He told me to wait till I had spoken to the specialists and had a clear idea of my individual circumstances before I tried to make sense of it. Then I would be in a position to make a plan and gain some control over my life. In the mean time, putting your thoughts and fears down here, and finding that others have felt the same way at some time, can help when you can't tell your family and friends. Take care

Re: I feel so alone

ashes — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 08:38:12 GMT

Locky I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. Terminal. I have lost all my friends. All my family. Everyone. My father knew for 2 years I was dying and didnt try to make contact. My 2 sisters have not called or spoken to me in 3 years. My friends are the same. My best friend of 35 years turned out to be a fraud. We no longer speak. My sisters have tried to turn my mother against me as well. I am a broken man. At 52, I thought my life would not end up like this. They all make out that I am to blame. I am bedridden and in constant pain but I am to blame. I cant comprehend this. I dont know what I have done. Even my wife of 25 years and my 2 boys 18 and 21 have kept their distance from me. I have been a good father, husband and friend. It all started when I was shot in the line of duty a few years ago and nearly died. Everyone started to push me away. Then the cancer. No one wanted anything to do with me. I have no more tears. Just overwhelming pain and heart break. I need help and advice. This is killing me but I want to die now. I want to be at peace. Dear god someone help me. Please. ashes

Re: I feel so alone

jsbach — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 09:57:35 GMT

Ashes, Can I suggest that you see your local GP and complete a GP mental health check? This, with a referral, is what you need to be able to get to see a clinical psychologist. Just a suggestion. It's what I did.

Re: I feel so alone

jsbach — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 09:58:02 GMT

locky I agree with the comment about blogging it. It is useful to have somewhere you feel that you have a voice. We are here to listen. I know that, when I was diagnosed, this place was a very useful forum for me. It helped me get through those early days and it still helps when I need it now.

Re: I feel so alone

ashes — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:22:48 GMT

Hi Locky Thanks for you reply. And your advice. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years now since I was shot. It has been helping me deal with the post traumatic stress and loss of my career. He has also been helping me deal with having terminal cancer. The bottom line is there is nothing that anyone can say or do that can change anything. Except that it helps to talk to someone. I am a very strong person and have dealt with alot of dramas in my short life. I am too strong to ever take my own life but I pray daily for it to end. You must understand that there is no reprise from the daily pain and loneliness. There is no chance of a cure. My fate is sealed. How does anyone deal with that? Sorry to be so negative. It's just how I feel. So many people give advice after they have beaten the cancer and are in remission. Sure they have been through it all but its different when you have a finite time to live. It's now 430am and time for pain killers. Its actually funny when you think about it!

Re: I feel so alone

harker — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:14:31 GMT

I am 57 and having treatment for multiple myeloma. Talk to me. H

Re: I feel so alone

Mignon — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:21:55 GMT

Dear Ashes, never apologize for being negative, you have every right to be. This is a good place to just be...to just say it how it is.. My heart goes out to you. Cheers Mignon

Re: I feel so alone

Kate_Unicorn — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 06:01:26 GMT

Hi All, Felix and I just wanted to drop in at this point and acknowledge that there have been some pretty difficult issues being discussed in this thread. I think it demonstrates how complex and challenging things can be when cancer is in the picture, especially when it happens alongside already difficult times. We also really wanted to acknowledge the wonderful support that we see happening here – I am so glad that this community has identified itself so strongly as a place where people can just say it “how it is”, and that they will be listened to and not judged. There have already been some great suggestions about strategies etc, but we did want to make sure that people (including future readers of this thread) were aware of some of the other supports available. Cancer Council Helpline - 13 11 20 (opening hours vary across the states) Lifeline 13 11 14 (24 hour service) Your local GP Emergency – 000 (24 hours) Family Relationship Advice Line – 1800 050 321 (24 hours) Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Helpline 1800 200 526 (24 hours) Men’s Line – 1300 78 99 78 (24 hours) Kids Helpline (5 – 25 years) 1800 551 800 (24 hours) Importantly, keep talking and sharing - this is what Cancer Connections is here for! Warm Regards, Kate and Felix Cancer Connections Admin Team

Re: I feel so alone

ashes — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:38:17 GMT

Thanks Mignon. Your words are apppreciated. Ash

Re: I feel so alone

ashes — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:39:31 GMT

Thanks Kate and Felix. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Ash

Re: I feel so alone

ashes — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:46:57 GMT

Hi Harker Thanks for your reply. Its been hard to find and talk to people with MM as you probably know. There are so many different cancers and MM has its own unique qualities. What is your history? And your prognosis? What Meds are you on? Where are your tumours? I have had Chemo, Radiotherapy and a Bone Marrow Transplant using my own marrow. So far this hasnt helped. I have been on Thalidamide for a year or so as well as Morphine, Methadone, Oxycontin and a host of other pills to help with the many side affects of the cancer and the different pills. Its like going around in circles. Looking forward to speaking further. Regards Ash

Re: I feel so alone

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:28:15 GMT

Hi Locky I feel your pain, and I fully understand when you say you feel so alone. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it any better but this is a great community and very supportive so you found a great place to be! Keep talking, they have fantastic ears around here!! Best of luck to you, you hang in there ok?

Re: I feel so alone

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:28:53 GMT

Re: I feel so alone

Jax — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:42:09 GMT

I think we have all felt/feel the same. Family and friends try to say all the right things like "stay positive" its all going to be ok. This sometimes seems to be for there own benefit i feel. Yes I am trying to stay positive, but this cancer is happening to me, and its very real for me. I made a mistake last night, I have been wanting a little dog to keep me company. My kids were also excited, so we ended up going onto gumtree and went and saw and brought home a gorgeous little maltese from just around the corner. However, i didnt take into account the amount of "work" involved and was just after the companionship. this dog was gorgeous, but after a few hours he ended up chasing my daughters bunny which now has a sore foot. I feel really bad and keep beating myself up about it and feel very "selfish" for putting my family and other pets in this situation. We rang the owner and took him back, I told her that he really belongs with her as she and he have such a strong soul connection so it was actually something that turned around an ugly situation as she is now keeping him. So now Im questioning myself, is my cancer making me a selfish person who doesnt give a damn about things? I am crying as I write this as if you knew me before cancer, I am the most unselfish giving person out there. Have I changed and is this the new me?

Re: I feel so alone

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 03:16:40 GMT

Hi Jax, Yep, the first thing family, friends said to me was Stay Positive, and yeah you try to, but yep its not happening to them, its happening to yourself. Its good to have people around who care, etc, Do not feel bad about an animal not working out in your family environment, these things happen to anyone and you had the best intentions at the time so that is not being selfish at all. I have myself been going through periods of anger, (more at the cancer)and not giving a damn. I think that is only natural and a part of dealing with having your life turned upside down in a heartbeat. Do not question yourself, just be. You have not changed, your just dealing with a crap card dealt, that is all. Stay strong to yourself, cry all you want, you are definitely not alone there. Hugs.

Re: I feel so alone

Mignon — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:17:59 GMT

Thinking of you, how are you traveling today? Regards mignon