topic Re: leaving a legacy for my kids in Living with cancer

leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 07:29:27 GMT

Hi all...

I'm wanting to begin writing a blog to leave as a legacy for my kids. What are your thoughts on this, if any? and has anyone got any suggestions for what to call it and how to start? Thankyou 🙂

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 07:39:22 GMT

well i've answered one question for myself! lol...i've called the blog "my wild hopes" (meaning my kids, but also my hopes for their lives i guess...)

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

Budgie — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 22:13:01 GMT

Hi wildmama75,

I love the idea. When my mother died, she'd left us a condensed version of her life story, which I loved.
My children are always calling me for recipes of meals they had in their childhood, so I've started putting together a small family recipe book to pass on to them.
Maybe you could do anecdotes from your life. I'm sure your children will be interested in looking into your past. Talk about your relatives, any family secrets or mysteries. There's quite often a skeleton or 2 in cupboards somewhere.
Or maybe just write a journal of your treatment. Really, you can write about absolutely anything. Have fun!

Budgie

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

sch — Sat, 12 Sep 2020 09:25:07 GMT

Hi wildmama75,

I agree with Budgie. I think this is a great idea.

As children and teenagers, we always enjoyed looking through family photos. It's the same as your idea of a blog. It will help keep your memory alive for them.

The sooner you start writing, the more you'll have to hand over to them the better, I suspect.

-s

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

CaptainAustrali — Tue, 15 Sep 2020 23:47:28 GMT

My advice is no - a blog that you share with the public is, in it's very nature, impersonal.

Online, people offer these heavily curated identities and pretend it's authentic and real - when it's not.

Your kids, later in life, as they watch and re-watch you, wonder about you, want to learn more about you - well, it's just my opinion, but I think they'd value it much more if it were deeply personal and specific to them.

You create a blog, a kind of online public diary - and sure, that's fine. Friends, family, will be able to use it as a vehicle to mourn and remember you. But your children will come back to it - perhaps even years later, as they age and become parents themselves.

Me personally, I'd suggest creating an archive of personal one on one messages for my children. Lets say you only have one child, here's an example (and just x2 or x3 if you have more kids)

This is presuming younger kids - but works for older, even adult kids, I reckon:

Who was Mum: where you talk about who you were and your life growing up

Hopes, Dreams, Beliefs: talk about what you wanted from life

Best Life Experiences: share 'em

Worst life experiences: share 'em (might have more value to your aging kids than you'd think)

Mum's experiences with you growing up: share stuff that they may not remember, photos, anecdotes

Birthday Message: (maybe think of recording one for each year, all the way up to 50, even "so you're 21 now ! OMFG that's awesome. Please think twice before going on a drug addled binge and if you do, maybe think about taking a friend with you. When I was 21 I did this crazy bungee jump ... etc etc"

Graduation Message:

Getting Married Message:

Having Kids Message: (this could get weepy, but hey, put your feelings out there for them) - how I wish I could be there to be a grandparent

So yeah, rather than a public blog with a curated identity, I'd consider putting together a very detailed set of deeply personal messages (including thoughts, musings, diary type entries, whatever works for you). I'm sure your children would still value the public blog stuff, but if I were your child, I'd find your personal messages to me to be much more precious.

Sorry to contradict the idea, I'm not pooping on Idea#1, I just think Idea#2 is better. (But also, full disclosure, I think the world has gone batshit crazy, and people are turning into unauthentic narcissists wanting to lie to the uncaring world about their perfect lives --- I'm really sorry if that bias is colouring my opinion, but I think my logic is still sound anyways 🙂 )

All the best, really sorry you got sick - make sure to enjoy your important people too before the end, don't give too much time to a diary when you could be cuddling and chatting.

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

CaptainAustrali — Tue, 15 Sep 2020 23:50:57 GMT

Yeah, sorry in case I wasn't clear - also I'd set up a camera and look straight down the barrel (into their eyes) and SAY the stuff I want to say. Not write it down, but record it and offer my face, tears, smile and voice to them. A blog is fine - I just reckon a series of topic-driven video messages will give them more.

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 00:49:48 GMT

Thanks Budgie!

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 00:50:20 GMT

Thankyou!

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 00:51:28 GMT

Thanks for that, some great suggestions in there. I should have said, the blog will be private/password protected so that only those I leave the password with will have access to it.

Re: leaving a legacy for my kids

wildmama75 — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 00:52:54 GMT

Great idea, I was thinking of putting some videos on the blog too