About Keri

Keri

So, it's been nearly a month since my mum has passed from Pancreatic cancer. 3 days off her 5 month mark. Considering the circumstances I'm not doing too badly. I cry most nights well maybe sob but with being back at work has helped a lot. A lot more than I actually thought. I thought I would be so distraught I wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't want to do anything and just mope around. I miss mum so so much and life will never be the same but I know mum wouldn't want me to ruin my life over this so I keep going. I guess I have my mums strength. It's so strange loosing someone so close and that you'll never be able to hug them laugh with them or be there when you need them but mum will always live strong in my heart and she will be there with me just in a different way. I've hated that time just keeps going days keep passing and just won't stand still for anyone. For whatever reason, mum left us early and where ever she is I'm sure she will always be watching. The weird thing is I don't feel quilty living or even laughing and the best thing of all I don't have any quilt with anything. The hard part is of all of this is having that empty feeling that deep down hollow dark thing inside that only you know about and can feel. Life will always be strange but this is what life has thrown and a nice twisted curve ball and you just have to take it day by day, hour by hour. Until we meet again mum.. Forever in my heart 💖

Keri

palative care is free through Medicare. Get in touch with his GP or oncologist and they will be able to get this in place. my mum was with silver chain and they were all so amazing. All there services from cooking to cleaning to personal care etc was free of charge also. They would anything to help you and the family out in anyway we had the social worker come out once but between 3 adults looking after mum we didn't need the addional services. I guess if you go privately you pay for this or the gap if you have private Heath although not sure on this as mum was a public patient. Hope this info helps.

Keri

I'm back!! Lol how is your mum doing? Hopefully she is well. my nans doing ok, gone down hill but was so good to spend time with them and get away. Now I'm back and this will be the last time we seen the oncologist team. Today they said there's nothing more they can do. The cancer has spread all over mums body - hasn't had chemo for about 6 weeks. The 3 infections hasn't cleared and the antibiotics have stopped working and her jaundice has come back as the stent is blocked from the cancer growing. Thankfully mum was let out last week after 3.5 weeks in hospital. Now we need to organise hospice and the hospital which she will need to go to when that time comes. They've given a few weeks but I doubt it will be more than 3. Mums actually doing quite well considering she's facing death. How life is so unfair I think why did my mum have to have this aggressive cancer out of all the ones. I don't want to loose my mum but Unfortunatly that's Her destiny. Going in to work tomorrow to sort out more time off so I can spend time with her while she's not a zombie from the morphine and even then be there till the end. We already discussed her funeral which was so strange. I can't believe its all "offical" that we will loose her shortly. I feel like I'm in a dream and just want to wake up but I can't seem to.

Keri

It's going on. Mums still in hospital. Now diagnosed with ascites and they put a permanent drain in. Although they have stopped chemo until her infections have gone. She has a choice of surgery if they still feel they can to remove abscesses off her liver or keep going with the injections. Mums decided not to have surgery as there's to much of a risk of it not working or it works but causes more damage to the liver and then they would give her 3 weeks. So mums sticking with the injections but as she can't have chemo they aren't sure how fast the cancer will grow and she could go at any time. 1 week, 2 weeks or still be around in 6 weeks. So no matter which way she goes here's a high risk. Mums quiet happy with this. Still going to England which is tomorrow. Which was quite a hard decision but it's what's best at this time. Glad to hear your mums doing good. What is the op for? I always find that when they don't have chemo they are much better. Hows your mum doing now? Op went ok?

Keri

My dad looked into it at the start but mum would prefer just to do what the doctors advise. I think mums too far gone to even bother with it now. very bad day yesterday but when the morphine kicked in she changed saying she's still going to fight. I now just think your fighting and endless battle. There was no cure in the first place, mums always in hospital and now can hardly walk. But it's mums choice to stop. She's in a lot of pain now 9/10 all the time. But one of the doctors said to me they will more than likely Stop chemo with the infection, abscess and still suppected ascites chemo won't do anything. Liver function has gone down hill and that's all I know. My dads not coming to terms with it and thinks like she does, once they get the fluid out she will be fine. Talking of putting a permanent thing in to drain it all. Toes are going blue. i feel I'm thinking the worst and feel horrible but deep down I know I'm not. Her eyes used to be blue but they've gone a pale colour. It's weird.

Keri

Hi kj, ive tried getting mum to sort out pallative care for a while now she said it was a great idea but never done anything about it. Mum doesnt like anything sweet. She loved chocolate and cakes etc but now nothing tastes nice. It's a battle that I think you can't win anymore. Sure is. Can't believe how quick it's progressed. My great uncle has the same cancer with no chemo and lasted 6 weeks. He was in his 80s though and he was too far gone with the jaundice to help him anyway.

Keri

It seems like that with dietitians. They say eat more but they can't. Mum tried protein shakes but stopped. I think she just gave up on trying things and doesn't feel hungry. I think even when mum could eat again if they decide to get some fluid out I can't see her being interested to eat. Yeah shes in a lot of pain. She said to the nurse is was a 9/10. Mums been sugar coating it all I said to her she needs to tell them what her pain is really like so they can help her. Before I left yesterday she was at a 3 but she shouldn't be in pain. I don't understand why she's not telling them the truth and why she wants to suffer. I I will be. Mum doesn't want to know so me and my brother will step away with them to ask.

Keri

Ah ok. I did ask mum if she had tingling and she said yes but not on her feet. Her tips of her fingers are numb now though. Eating has been a huge struggle for mum she rarely eaten this week. Try mashed up banana, mum can get that down. Mums seen Dietitians but that hasn't helped. Can't drink water either as mum says it's got a weird taste. I've got no advice for eating. I tried a microwave meal for mum once let it cool down and she still couldn't eat it. mums been good when she hasn't had chemo. It's strange really. Mum went back to hospital today. Her discharge papers from Sunday has ascites on it. Oncoligist are seeing her tomorrow. I said to my brother today they need to stop treatment and make her comfortable. This isn't living. Dad seems to think that once the bloating has gone she will be fine but reading about ascites it's pretty much the end. She had this for 3 months now and the last 2 weeks it's worse. I doubt she will last another month. Maybe a week or two specially not eating or drinking although they have put her on fluids. Lets just say it's a pretty f&@&ed up way to die. Ever since she was diagnosed mums just gone down hill. Complication after complication and only just coming up 4 months. Bloody horrible to watch.

Keri

Hi kj, i have read this but the Doctors havent diagnosed this yet. It's not priority at the moment until the abscess has gone from her liver. Mum hoping it's something else but I doubt it. I know if it's left untreated it's not good either. hopefully the oncoligist on Friday can give more answers. Last week her bloods came back and they said her liver is working fine haven't heard anything since from mum, not that she's hugley with it to remember what they say.

Keri

Mum was on morphine but she got strange and vicious on it so they changed it to this other pain killer called endone which helps to stop the pain. Mum says it's more discomfort but I think she's just putting on a brave face. Shes only been diagnosed just over 3 months ago it's hard to believe really with everything going on. Feels like so much longer. The oncoligist arent looking to cure this so prolong her life. I think the cancer was in the tail of the pancreas from what my brother said last night and there isn't much they can do with that. It had spread to her neck lymph nodes, was defiantly in her liver as well but mum doesn't want to know any details where I do. So it's hard to ask doctors and the oncoligist. mums never had the tingling. Is your mum only having 4 cycles? They say mums is long term and how long is price of string. Im off on the 3rd may. I said to my brother last night I don't really want to go with mum being like this but like he said, mum would prefer we aren't there if she passes although I would always regret not being there. But we have to go, for mum.

Until we meet again mum!

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