My brother has Leukemia and is undergoing bone marrow cell
transplant this coming week. I do not live close to the
Hospital (VGH) BC. My other brother is coming from Thailand
as a donor.
I have tried my best to keep in touch via email, and phone and
visits but I seem to be the one in the family that he projects
all his anger upon. We have a diverse family of 5 siblings who
do not get along at the best of times so this is a very stressful
time interacting with any of them. It has become so difficult I
have pulled out of the family dynamics and am trying to cope with
the anger thrown at me alone. It is my insight that anyone who my brother feels has let him down in some way, gets the anger. This includes myself for not being able to cope with his smoking and
the impact on my life. It became huge when I said he could live
with me when things began to get rough for him a year ago. Because
I have health issues myself, the smell of the smoke, the inability
for him to quit as requested of him before he moved in,all became
too much for both of us and in anger and resentment, he left.
Added to this, I was asked to care for my aging mother and my
brother and left my home to travel a distance away to do this.
I had to go back and forth and became exhausted. I did this for about 5 months before my brother was flown to hospital in Vancouver
in critical condition. I dec. to bring my mother to live with me
as I also have an aging cat who needed care in his own home. I was
judged harshly by family members for doing this without their consent yet none of them had agreed to give up employment, their
home or their lives at the time all this was needed. I was asked to go up and I did. I could not travel the highway in winter months safely so felt bringing my mother to live with me would be
the best dec. at the time. A sister from N. Zealand and a brother from Thailand and a sister who lived a block away,
threw all their fury at me for making this decision alone based on
the lack of assistance I was getting from any of them. I had already been feeling abused by my brother from his cigarette
addiction, his anger towards a failed relationship, his inability
to cope with his situation at all when he had to move away 3,000 miles and come to live with me.. I tried my best to cope and accept him into my home. We both became frustrated with the smoke
problem and the smell and he left and made a dec. to move in with
my mother who at that time actually really needed a family member there to help her. We were going to share the care of coming and going but moving in seemed a far better thing under the circumstances.
to be continued...
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.