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Reaching Out.......

Mrs_Elton
July 2010
I'm really struggling......again....still. It's been six weeks since Greg died and each day it seems to get harder. The permanency of him not being with us is becoming all too real. The adrenalin that I was surviving on in the month before and after he died has disappeared.
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20 Comments
willow
New Contributor
July 2010
Hi Jill I don't really know what to say. I wish I had some good advice but I don't. Just that I still think of you and your family a lot and realise it must be terribly hard for you. Do you have someone you can lean on/talk to. Would it be helpful to see a counsellor? How are your children coping now? Take care Jill - and make sure you look after yourself. People always said to me 'Be kind to yourself' - it helped me to remember that. Lots of hugs to you and your boys, Willow xo xo
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willow
New Contributor
July 2010
Hi Jill I don't really know what to say. I wish I had some good advice but I don't. Just that I still think of you and your family a lot and realise it must be terribly hard for you. Do you have someone you can lean on/talk to. Would it be helpful to see a counsellor? How are your children coping now? Take care Jill - and make sure you look after yourself. People always said to me 'Be kind to yourself' - it helped me to remember that. Lots of hugs to you and your boys, Willow xo xo
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willow
New Contributor
July 2010
Don't know why this entered twice but I can't seem to be able to delete it ......has happened before .....very frustrating....:>)
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willow
New Contributor
July 2010
Don't know why this entered twice but I can't seem to be able to delete it ......has happened before .....very frustrating....:>)
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Jules2
Super Contributor
July 2010
Hey Jill I was just thinking of you and wondering how you are. It must be so hard for you and you have been so brave and wonderful throughout your whole ordeal. Sending you lots of cyber hugs. Julie xo
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jodielee12
Contributor
July 2010
Hi Jill just letting you know that i am thinking of you and the boys. I just wished i lived a little closer so that we could go have a coffee and a chat or just be there for you. please stay safe and know that we are all thinking of you and are with you in spirit. Linda
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WishingStar
Contributor
July 2010
Always, always thinking of you Jill, Cyber Hugs as usual, Nicole xoxoxo
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thaker
Contributor
July 2010
Hey Jill The suggestion that you try talking to your counsellor is a good one. The pain cant be taken away but there is a lot of processing that needs to be done when grieving. I saw my counsellor til about 3 months after hubby's passing. Its hard to let them go and although physically they are gone the emotional process of letting them go in our minds and hearts is hard and takes time. Its not about forgetting ...its about getting to a place where fond memories replace the emotional and almost physical pain you feel right now. Its also ok to be struggling. No one should expect you to be able to pull yourself together at this stage. Don't expect too much of yourself, allow yourself to let go a little, to lean on others a little and to breathe a little. Allow yourself to be angry, to be sad, to feel nothing even on some days. Let it out. Don't expect to be the same again. Slowly a new you will emerge...not quite the you before Greg, not quite the you with Greg, More a you that has come about from being with Greg and that person is worth getting to know. You are a wonderful person and I am sure you and your boys will eventually find your new normal. In the meantime, remember that you are loved and others feel and share your pain. Hugs Sangeeta
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Mrs_Elton
Contributor
July 2010
Thank you Sangeeta.
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Mrs_Elton
Contributor
July 2010
Thank you ladies, I appreciate your replies and hugs. Jill xo
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samex
Regular Contributor
July 2010
Hi Jill, Having had a friend deal with the same ordeal, I can't but echo Sangeeta's words. I have watched her and listened to her develop and change. She took the good things of Pat's life and has used them to help her cope and to take her life in a different direction. Her girls were older so the decisions are different, of course. It certainly didn't happen overnight and having, hopefully, helped her by just being there at times, I have witnessed what you are feeling now. I wish that I could take some of the pain from you - if we could spread it about, it would perhaps ease it. I hope our words help if only a little. Lots of hugs, Samex
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choc2rule
Occasional Contributor
July 2010
Hi Jill A bright Saturday morning here in Sydney. I was just thinking about you and thought I would just write you this short note. Just thinking about you Margaret
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justbreathe
Not applicable
July 2010
Jill, It only has been 6 weeks ... of course it is still too painful. The numbness of the "shock" is probably starting to wear off (much like anesthesia wearing off) so you feel the pain more and more ... that is why the days seem harder and harder. But, the pain will eventually begin to subside, the days will get better, the sun will feel warmer, and you will go on with life. One day at a time, Jill. You are good, you are strong, you will pass through these days and enter a good future. Just keep breathing ... John
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Not applicable
July 2010
Hi Jill, Would it help of the road less travelled was with someone who is walking 2 steps behind... 3 weeks behind...? I know that with each new day... it is a conscious struggle to get up and live another day sometimes. They say time heals all wounds.. but at the moment time is not healing and it's not helping... days turn to weeks weeks into months.. and I know that it will become years... years without our loved ones there. But I know you are a strong, wise, sensitive and caring person and a wonderful Mother. I know you are helping me through this journey... thank you isn;t enough. I hope and pray that there will be rainbows appearing and the sun begins to shine through behind those dark clouds my friend.. When darkness comes... your'e braver than you think you are... Love Wifeyb
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ness
Not applicable
July 2010
My partner/best friend/love died of pancreatic cancer 5 1/2 weeks ago. I cannot come to terms with this yet. To admit his passing to myself is just to painful. I have 2 children also (10 and 13) and try my best to be brave in front of them. Other people also expect that you have come to terms with your loss and expect that you are doing ok. I do not admit to them that I am not. I have today joined this online group trying to come to terms with my loss amongst others who understand what I am going through. The only advice I have been given that holds true is take things one day at a time. My sincere best wishes to you in taking your loss one day at a time.
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justbreathe
Not applicable
July 2010
ness: My deepest condolences on your loss. I think one of the unintended/unexpected challenges that you, Jill, and others who have suffered loss of a loved one is the seeming insensitivity of others - many times those who have been friends in the past. Maybe they don't mean anything by it. It could very well be that they do not want to deal with such bad things - who wants to think about death - so many times they just avoid you, not realizing how they may be hurting you. Or they expect you to "just get over it." There is no right or wrong here. Everyone has their own timetable, and there is nothing like communicating with those who are experiencing what you are experiencing to get some support and energy to get through the day. Good will and blessings to you. The days will get better as time goes by. John
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choc2rule
Occasional Contributor
July 2010
People who have not experienced the closeness of someone dying do not know how to cope. The person experienceing the death of someone does not know how to cope but they then have to 'cope' with friends who cannot cope. Friends get scared that it could happen to them. True friends do not make you cope for them. They will just let you be till you are ready to face the world again and that can take and seem like forever. Please take heart in all the people on this forum, who each have their gentle spirits ready to share with you when you need it-and that goes for everyone who needs it. Dont suffer alone- we are not islands and God created us to share our lives with others-good or bad Margaret
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Jewel_and_Mark
New Contributor
July 2010
I am right there with you Jill, Just ((hugs)) Jill, just ((hugs))....... love Jewel
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justbreathe
Not applicable
July 2010
Hello, Jill. How are you doing? How are your boys doing? I hope this post finds you having one of those "good" days as your journey continues. Enjoy the sun, smile when you can, just continue to breathe, taking it one moment ... one day ... at a time. There is a bright, warm, beautiful light at the end of the tunnel, and you are getting closer and closer to that light. Take sweet care. Bless you and your boys. John
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justbreathe
Not applicable
August 2010
Oh my goodness, where does the time go. Just another quick post to say I hope you and your boys are doing well. Hopefully, each day the sun just feels a little warmer and the future looks a little brighter. Yes, it is a slow, difficult process, but at least you and your boys are heading in the right direction. Bless you and your boys. May the coming days wrap you and your boys with as much love, comfort, and peace as possible. John
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