Ending Radiotherapy

[Beans]

I have 2 treatments left to go before the end of my radiotherapy and instead of being full of joy and hope I feel like so what next? What next is going to come around the corner and blindside me when all I want is to go to work be a mum and a wife and hold my end up. i want to holiday and be well. I feel like a crispy chip. I have been travelling with people in community transport and they are all older and accepting of this as they have lived their 60 or 70 years but I haven't. I am 40. I still want to see what happens to my kids, travel with my husband and hold my grandchildren. I am annoyed at the press who find celebs that go on and promote cancer and everyone applauds their brilliance because they get back on their bike like nothing happened. Bloody Kerry Anne Kennerly reffered to radio as going to get a bit of radiotherapy just to mop up what was left, like it was effortless. Well f**** you Kerry Anne. I am terminal. I am over it. And when this finishes I don't know if I will get what I want. I'm not sure if burning the crap out of myself is going to make a damn bit of difference. Why aren't we more honest about how things really are instead of being stoic? Stiff upper lip shits me to tears.

[loupylass]

Hi Beans....I've just read your post and I can feel every word you say. I do hope that you are feeling better about things by now but the anguish you must have been feeling when you wrote this is so true for so many. I agree with you about the press coverage of celebrities and their cancer treatment and I put the media coverage down to fear. Everyone is frightened of the diagnosis we have been given and to read upbeat stories about 'trivial' radiotherapy (hah!!) gives everyone that reads it...hope; and it stops them being frightened. It's only people like us that can read this drivel and KNOW that it's nothing like that. I hope that the radiotherapy has done it's job for you, and that you are on your way back to doing all the things you want but it's a hard lesson for us all to realise that things will never be the same again because WE are never going to be the same again. I hope you don't feel so angry anymore Take care.

[Beans]

Thanks so much for supporting me. You are right I'm less angry now. It was great to hear from someone who understands. It was good to look at it from another point of view.It was good to look at it from the point of view of other people not being frightened to go ahead with treatment. Been a little self obsessed lately :) I hope things are working out for you at the moment. Beans

[SILLY]

I can imagine that I may have been angry if I was younger and my children were young . I agree that it's different when you're older but it's not easy for anyone . I'm glad you are feeling better .

[loupylass]

Hello Beans, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a little self obsessed 🙂 With what we have to deal with it's ok for it all to be about US occasionally! I'm happy to know that you're feeling a bit better. I hope your treatment went well. I had radiotherapy six months ago and it has been very successful. It's a long road we're on and I am learning that the mental anguish we go through is a very tough thing to learn to live with, the chemo regime I'm on at the moment plays havoc with my emotional state and each day seems to be a battle to cope with the demons in my head. I'm grateful for feeling as well as I do but each day is a struggle to eliminate the negative voices...mostly I do well. I hope you are finding the strength to cope with what you are going through and know that we all understand whatever you're feeling and it's ok to feel angry and you can certainly post it on here because we'll know where it's coming from. Take care xx

[Jules2]

HEy Beans I was angry as when I finished rt ... it is tough and you are right we don't need to be stoic about it. It depends where the rt is and how each person reacts, some handle it better than others and of course the media just want to clutch onto anything that suits them. My rt was not nice and I would be totally loathe to have to go back and do it all again. hugs Julie