Grieving

[Free]

One year on from Mum's passing today. Intense grief is still locked in memories, particularly of those last days. Can even an expected death create trauma? Revisiting the memories unleashes the same intense emotions I felt on the day of her passing.

How do I access and find strength and love in the 43 wonderful years of loving relationship before her illness?

I feel like my choices are- don't think about her at all, or, think about her and feel incredibly angry and sad. I function competely normally not thinking about her and just focusing on my Dad's adjustment. My grief in losing Mum is compromised by the relief I felt that her suffering was over. I feel like I am still in grief over the cancer process and can't properly grieve the loss of my Mum.

Does this make any sense?

[deh]

Just read your post this morning, Free.

Sounds like you are doing the best you can right now.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly.

I can genuinely relate to how you are trying to cope with your grief, losing your Mum. So many emotions mixed together. Such a big change in your life and the lives of those you love.

I lost my Dad to cancer about 5 years ago and I still miss him every day.

I know that the rest of my family and friends miss him, too - and that I'm not alone.

I've learnt to accept that grief creates a huge void and vulnerability in life but it doesn't last forever. It takes time to let it heal so you are free to hold onto the love that is always strong (and is never lost).

Having happy memories  - and keeping them alive - helps me every day.

Hope you'll keep posting how you're going.

Take good care of yourself,

Di