It was odd, being in the doctors surgery, hearing my long time G.P say the words, "I'm sorry".
What was he sorry for? It's not his fault. He didn't give me breast cancer. It wasn't some pill he made me take, or anything he ever did.
Then everyone I tell is sorry. My sister. My mum. My best friend. Everyone is sorry. I'm still just numb. Walking through a fog. Pushing my way through the jelly like day, waiting for the appointment with my surgeon in a weeks time.
Time has literally slowed down. I don't feel sick, I don't feel like anything should be different, but one day lasts for what feels like three. It's an hour from now I pick my two kids up from school, and each minute drags by, my brain is consumed with.... I don't know.
Certainly it's not the baskets of washing sitting to my right. Or the dog who is waiting at the door for his walk. Nor is my mind on the dinner I need to prepare, the beds to make or the floors to vacuum.
It's been 2 minutes since I started typing. Feels like half an hour. I'm not sure I can do this waiting business. Is this normal?
Am I ever going to have "normal" again?
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.