Friends..... We all have them...... We all need them..... A friend for a reason... A friend for a season..... The season is about to change, the leaves have turned the glorious colours of autumn and winter is only a few days away...... Winter... The cold mornings, the miserable, wet and windy grey days....darkness comes earlier. It's natural to feel "grey". I'm feeling grey. In three days time it will be the third anniversary of the passing of my darling husband and the loving father of our two gorgeous boys. We miss him so much, every day. And I still remember vividly, his last three weeks.....his birthday was/is the end of April and from that date to the end of May, I find it exceptionally difficult....1000 more times than "my new normal"...........so I need my friends. I gave some friends "notice" of this difficult period back at the beginning of the month, hoping that it would help them to realise that I would be more sensitive/ emotional than usual........... Well fat lot of good that did..... Barely a day has gone past where they haven't made a comment about how hard their life is, how tired they are, how their husband doesn't help with the children or the chores, how their husband didn't buy them a Mother's Day gift or make them breakfast. I know that those are issues that are important in their lives........... It would just be nice if they could keep those comments to themselves instead of sharing them with me when the absence, the pain of losing a husband and father is so heightened. Over sensitive me?? - sure. Insensitive friend/s ?? Is this a friend for a season that is ending????
6 Comments
Super Contributor
Mrs Elton I do not think you are being over sensitive,but sometimes we get wrapped up in our own little world and say things with out thinking of how a friend is feeling and once spoken can't be taken back.Take care at this time. kj
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Contributor
Hey Mrs Elton! I hear you! While everything in life is relative.....a little sensitivity would not go astray....in fact it would go a long way to lighten the load........ And I guess people don't realise that what is a 'normal' event (like kids receiving an award on assembly or seeing an amazing sunset, or going to a funeral).....is tougher to experience and takes mo emotional strength to deal with than a 'normal' person who has not experienced such profound loss. And some days are great! And other days are far from great!! Take care of yourself, and do something fun.......I find that helps me cope with real down days ......I take the kids to the park, or for a special treat and I have to force myself to do it, but when I do get there, it is usually worth it.... (Except for the time the dog ran away and my son chucked a tantrum while we were at the river...and my daughter got stung by a bee......but that is a whole other story) Loads of positive vibes coming your way right now!! PA
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Occasional Contributor
i understand .. my husband is still alive tho has terminal cancer and i want to vent and winge now but that would be useless .... if you need to talk im here unless they have been thru it they dont understand xx
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Super Contributor
I'm sorry that some people are so insensitive to your feelings in this regard . Some forget to imagine what it must be like for others . We all have probably made tactless remarks at times but apologies are in order .
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Contributor
Hi Jill I think of you and the boys often and wonder how you are all getting on. you were in my thoughts tonight so thought I would remind you about the little poem I treasure. cheers Linda HOLD ON when troubles assail you HOLD ON when pressures surround you, HOLD ON When skies turn to gray and you can't find your way, When the outlook seems darkest, HOLD ON Whenever you're lonely, HOLD ON Whenever you're weary, HOLD ON For God is near you To guide and cheer you When you reach for this hand HE WILL HOLD ON.
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New Contributor
It's been so long since I was last in here Mrs Elton, however I do think of you often....we walk a similar path in so many ways. Like you, we are coming up to four years now and it really hasn't got easier, we adjust very slowly to the "new normal" and it's a shame that others think we have to adjust at their speed. I find it hard to be tolerant of people these days who are (in my opinion) complaining about trivial things and yes, I feel selfish because a part of me understands everyone has their own baggage to carry and that to them it is probably heavy. Another thing I try to remember, is my friends aren't deliberately trying to hurt me, they just don't understand my pain and thus many times try to make a comparison in the effort to identify in some way with me, it may be clumsy from my perspective but I am sure they don't act with malice intention. I really hope there are days of light for you and your children.... Jewel XX
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