Being ignored in WA

[glenys48woods]

Hi everyone. I want to say that WA is ignoring me. Why? It is because they are so frightened and they want to shield themselves as they are scare to have breast cancer like I did in 2010. I chatted to my cousin about it last night and he has suggested for me to be in the back ground with them in WA. Is this common as I want help with this one? Where does this leave me too? This is a very hurtful situation with me if they are wanting me to step back with them. They want personal space. My cousin has also said to not push them also. Why is it like it the way they are? Is this igonrance on their part? Please help me with this one very soon. Glenys XX

[exhausted]

Hi Glenys what do you mean by WA?

[glenys48woods]

I mean it's my family who are ignoring me. My mother, 5 sisters and 1 brother who all have family themselves that don't know how to care. My mother I spoke to her on the phone on the first day of this year and never since have I spoke to her. I rang her on her birthday the 13th of march 2012 and she said that she was going out and never returned my phone call. Commnications are DEAD. They want personal space from when I went over to WA in June of last year. Mum said shut up to me 3 times. My sister Julie said that she doesn't know what she would know about the mastectomy if she had one. Where does this leave me? Women don't know about this surgery till they have it themselves. How it touches the feminine side of things. Glenys x

[Allicat]

I have been impressed with how my family and friends did not seem to be freaked out by me having a mastectomy. I feel like I would have been awkward with them if it had happened to someone else. I would guess that your sister and family feel awkward and don't know how to deal with the situation and so ignore the issue instead of figuring out how to deal with it. Were you very close with your family before your diagnosis? My oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 months after I was. Many people have assumed this is good for us both to have somebody who understands how we feel and what were going through. But, it's also annoying and I had issues with resentment at her sharing "my" problem. This is sort of the opposite of your problem.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Allicat, I have been married for 38 years and been over in Vic for all that time. When you live so far away from them the bonding grows weak. Then they work a full time job and have no time for us as a family here as I have a husband and son. My sister Beth is a matron of a hospital, Rhonda is a school principal, Julie works at a kids centre and visit parents & it is all full time jobs. They haven't got time for me at all. Julie has 3 children all married, Rhonda has 3 & one married, Beth has 4 & hers all home. Rhonda pays someone to do her housework. Janet works at a police station & has 3 kids - 2 married. Janet isn't married though. I went to WA last year feeling hurt over the surgeryas that time it would have been around 7 months since the surgery. I chatted to them about it and they didn't like it. Mum said shut up 3 times to me. Glenys

[Allicat]

I've got 4 sisters as well. Two of them I am very close with and two I hardly see. When I was diagnosed my eldest sister was really concerned about it possibly running in the family. She was surprised that it wasn't the first thing the others thought of when they were told. I found it very annoying. But then she got a mammogram and it turned out she had breast cancer too. So I guess she was right to be worried. Your family sound like they are all very busy. I try to be understanding with my family when they aren't as supportive as I would like but sometimes I feel hurt as well. I think sometimes my mum doesn't know what to say. Did your mum tell you to shut up because the details about your surgery were upsetting her?

[glenys48woods]

Hi Allicat, I know that my sisters are "busy" and I don't like this word busy. It tells me that they haven't got time for us here in Victoria. A phone call is too much a month to get on the phone and chat for half-an-hour and I am not a fly on their wall. It has been this for the last 38 years. I really ask myself what have I done to deserve this? I say them them that it's a two-way-street to have commnication. They feel that I am telling them off by saying this. It is not fare to have to live interstate from WA and have the experience like this and have them not commnicate with us here in Vic. I just fell in love with a man from Vic and left them all behind by walking away from them. I met Colin in Canberra and we began to write to each other over 18 months. Colin and I were only together for 11 weeks, and then only writing to each other for 18 months. The marriage has lasted for 38 years. Glenys 0

[glenys48woods]

Hi Allicat, My mother has never told me how she felt with the sergury that I have had in 2010. All she has said that I am OK so I don't know how she has felt with me have the ops. My story is on line. All she wanted to do is read books & watch TV with the time in June/July I had with her in WA last year for a month. She paid my fair to go over and back. Also she has given us a lot of money but I don't need this money I need her mainly. She isn't chatting to me as she knows how busy they are over there and she is more loyal to them than me as she is cross with me. Glenys.

[zahira1]

Hi Glenys, I understand what you mean about being ignored. This part of my journey wasn't as a result of cancer, but was due to a serious workplace injury. My parents couldn't give a damn, my brother was "too busy" to care, my husband was too selfish to care. Yes that did leave me confused and angry. However, the people that did stand by me were my friends and a special Aunt. I learnt to acknowledge (I won't say accept) that my family are as they are and sadly they won't change. I hung onto the ones that did give me support and encouragement through a very long journey back out of the depths. Basically, it's the friends and those who genuinely do care which are the ones that we want around us through our journeys. Lean on their strength and encouragement. Thoughts of encouragement are with you. Z

[glenys48woods]

Hi Zahira1, Thanking you for your encouragement as it is really appreciated. Having a serious work injury is a result of bring some cash for the family by working and when you get hurt it is your problem with husbands. They see themselves as the bread winner and the kitchen is your to keep for them. Men are selfish as you step on the toes when you bring in some money. I hope you know what I mean. I am sorry that you were hurt while working at work. You must be so hurt with your partner while he acts the way he does. Giving out some empathy doesn't go astray. I am glad you have friends that support and your Aunty. Then you commented about my family in WA. They think they know that I am OK after 2 lots of breast cancer surgery with no kemo or radiation having a good outcome. There isn't any problems after when the surgery is over as most people think this as this it not right. I had to go through surgery to recieve that good result. Emotions are common with breast cancer. My story is on line if you want to read it. Glenys 0