Confusion

[GeeGee]

Yesterday my boyfriend went for a skin check and they didn't find any sign of a melanoma at all, nothing at all on his whole body. But he saw on the file the skin specialist was writing in that he had put down stage 4 melanoma. This got him worrying that he was going to die and he came home and got onto the Internet and googled stage 4 melanoma. Now he thinks the worst of course and thinks he hasn't got long to live. This upset me enough for me to ring the cancer helpline to ask about it. The guy on there was very good and eased my mind very much. He said even tho it is stage 4 melanoma it dons't mean its really bad. He has no sign of any other cancer in his body so it isn't as serous as if he had cancer throughout his body. We are still waiting for the melanoma clinic at the hospital to call so still know nothing about what to expect in the way of treatment or severity of his condition. I hate all this waiting it is wearing us both down and I'm not sure how much longer we can keep waiting. I'm hoping they will see us soon so we can get some answers. I have had people who have cancer tell me that if they thought it was serious they would see him quickly but because they haven't seenhim yet that it's not so serious. I hope this is true.

[gn21]

The waiting is very hard. And unfortunately there will always be waiting of some sort or another. The only way I can get through it is by using the one day at a time mentality. I set small goals for myself, for the day, and try not to look ahead to to or row - it will get here I. It's own good time! And remember, the Internet is a great resource but a lot of its statistical information is very out of date. And as someone said to me, statistics are static, people aren't! Keep us posted on what is happening Gail

[GeeGee]

Thanks Gail, yes I have talked to the cancer helpline and they told me a few things that set my mind a ease. We went to see a doctor today that did some tests that has answered a few of our main concerns so now we are not stressing out so much as it all seems like there isn't to much to worry about. yes he has melanoma but the primary is nowhere to be found and the growth in his lung is removed and all is good with that, so it much easier to wait and not worry to much. We just have to wait to see the melanoma clinic at the hospital to see where we go from here as far a tests and monitoring him to make sure no more cancers are found.

[harker]

Hi Geraldine I remember similar things happening to me around the time of diagnosis. I have realised that it it really important for me to ask all the questions I need to ask in a consultation. Now I prepare by writing them down and taking the list with me. It makes it easier for me and my oncologist if I do that, because we can talk without feeling we're forgetting something or not covering something important. Your boyfriend has to manage the fear (which is very real) by making sure he has good information. That may mean asking more questions in the consultation, even if it makes the oncologist uncomfortable. They need to deal with him as a whole person, not a paper record of a single aspect of his life. You don't have to be aggressive about it, just stick to your guns and ask. H