I was thinking more about my post about returning to work http://www.cancerconnections.com.au/content/work-and-cancer
and remember back to when I resumed paid work after being a carer for 6.5 years.
I really felt like I was existing in a body and mind that I didn't recognize, didn't know what to feel, and wondered if I could hold a conversation (let alone a paid work situation) without my mind wandering in to a fog. Yeh, I was functioning (just) but I felt as if I was in a bubble and life just whirred on by. There were a lot of well-meaning people around me personally and professionally but there was also a lot of comments that confused me (and these came mostly from my personal circle) such as "You must not know yourself now you have so much time on your hands"...."Gee you must be pleased its over", "Don't know how you did it but you are so strong so the universe chose well"......
Comments like this sent me in to many states, guilty that I wasn't feeling like that, confused as to why I wasn't feeling anything, wondering how I would ever be able to lead a "normal" life again, not to mention not really knowing who I was anymore.
No, I wasn't pleased it was over. The person died. No, I didn't really have lots of time on my hands. I was flat out in every way, sorting through wills, legal stuff, learning to be a guardian, dealing with my own small children, going to work, Oh and grieving.......Just a small part of it all! No, I don't know whether the universe chose well. What the heck does that mean anyway?
