It's only been just over 2 months since I was put on the 'watch and wait' approach for Follicular Lymphoma. I have been having periodic sensations in my left arm for while. I mentioned this to my GP a few weeks ago but he didn't seem to think it was anything. This morning I woke with swelling above my left collarbone. I called the cancer care nurses and my oncologist wants an urgent CT, which I have an appointment for tomorrow and then an appointment to see him on Thursday, 27 February 2014. I am trying to be positive and upbeat about it all but I'm afraid deep down it is getting the better of me. I have had a sickly feeling all day. Is this it? is this where the next step of my journey with Lymphoma begins? A part of me hopes not but then a small part of me kind of hopes it is so that we can just deal with it and get it over and done with. Is that wrong of me to think that way? I've found that I am constantly checking for any signs of progression. I haven't been fanatical but probably about every couple of weeks.......is that fanatical? It really is hard just to put in the back of your mind. I am booked to have a weekend away in Orange with my 'cruise buddies' this weekend. Regardless of the outcome of the tests I am still going. I need to surround myself with love and laughter as much as possible and they certainly are a fun bunch. The weekend after I am looking forward to spending the weekend with my girlfriend I grew up with, just the two of us. Leaving the husbands and kids behind. These are the little things in life I have to concentrate on, it puts a smile on my face just thinking about what wonderful friends and family I have and how happy they make me. Oh well.....keep your fingers crossed for me Kazza
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New Contributor
Do hope you're feeling ok. Fingers crossed for us all, eh! "Watch & wait" has been mentioned to me as an alternative to "maintenance" chemo. I'm trying to cope with oesophagul cancer, stage iv, diagnosed July 2014 - awtg CT scan results next week. Reading yr comments, I found yr. experience very similar to my own - glad you're making time for people who make you laugh. I'm fairly pragmatic, and very grateful that after radiation & chemo (now "maintenance") I really have few nasty effects except for tiredness. But I sometimes get fed up with reassuring well wishers that I'm fine. Occasionally, I just want to allow myself to surrender to what I call a "touch of sads". Stay strong and keep that smile.
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New Contributor
Hi there, I'm hearing you. We do need to have a 'touch of the sads' sometimes. It's only natural and helps us to let out any emotions that are bottling up. 'Better out than in' as they say. I find that most people treat me as normal but there are a few who pat me on the arm, give me a sorrowful look and say 'how are you feeling, is everything ok'. I know they mean well but give me a break please don't act like that every time I see you. That's depressing in itself. 'Happiness is something we decide ourselves. There are a lot of reasons to be unhappy but we choose to be happy because it makes us feel alive'. Hope your scans went well. Take care
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