Tomorrow we get the results of my genetic testing. I feel like if it is positive that the family will blame me for putting them all in danger. Logically that is a silly thing to think but it is hard to think logically sometimes.
I guess the way to look at it is that if we do have the gene that it is good we found out & that the others can take precautions and maybe be saved from having cancer. But if I try to think that way to put a positive spin on it then I feel annoyed about why did I have to be the first one to get cancer. Why couldn't one of them have got it first and saved me?
I have not really thought "why me" about my cancer. I have just thought of it as a random thing. But if it is caused by a gene then that means it was not as random and somehow I find that idea a lot harder to deal with.
There is no point to all this worrying as I might not even have the gene. But I don't find out until tomorrow so I'll just keep worrying until then.
