I had a stroke (TIA) the day after my last day of radiation 1 month ago. My family went into total panic mode, very protective and I couldn't drive for the month (legal condition). I know I have it so good compared with so many others but right now just need to vent a little. Am so pissed off with the TIA - it was like an incredible double whammy. The burns from the radiation continued to get way worse while I was in hospital with the TIA and for a week and a half after finishing the radiation before turning the corner and beginning to heal. Today they are great. It felt like I couldn't concentrate on getting over the radiation because of the TIA and the fatigue was just phenomenal. My concentration and memory, initially, were quite scaringly poor. I quite like thinking, and to have something happen to my brain is very scary. One month later and I begin my work again tomorrow which I love. Everybody is very wary and worried about me going back to work which means I can't express my concerns except here. I guess it's normal to have concerns but it's a little hard. I worry about having another TIA, cancer coming back in another place and more aggressively and whether I'll be able to work well tomorrow. I need to be able to concentrate and remember things which I should be able to do but because I'm worried about it, am not sure I'll be able to do it well enough. Have been really looking forward to tomorrow and having my freedom and independence back but am getting so nervous and teary. I wish I could just shut off my feelings. Have been having nightmares about my body literally falling apart and then dying.
