After the roller coaster ride of the last couple of weeks this week was supposed to be a bit easier. It is a non-chemo week for my wife and apart from a visit from the community nurse to change the dressing on her PICC—oh and a trip to the podiatrist to checkup how an operation on an ingrowing toe nail had gone—the only thing scheduled was a blood test. My wife was still a bit vague and forgetful at time but generally an easy week. It wasn’t. I took her to have the blood sample taken Wednesday afternoon. By 4.00pm we were having urgent phone calls from her Palliative Care Doctor and the Cancer Clinic she attends for chemo. Sodium and Potassium levels were well outside the norm, very low. I had to rush of to our local pharmacist before they closed and to where a prescription for potassium tablets was to be faxed. On top of everything else there was a sudden decision to order CT scans of my wife’s torso and head. Clearly someone else had started to have the same doubts/concerns as me that cancer was spreading to her brain and this explained her cognitive decline not the painkillers. And if the electrolytes in her blood are falling does it mean declining kidney function? We don’t know the results. We were asked if we would like one of the doctors to review the CT scan and let us know. I said no (as did my wife). We will find out on Monday, when she is due to see her Oncologist and have her last scheduled dose of Chemo. That will be early enough and quite frankly if it is bad news I don’t want another weekend spoiled. Of course I will continue to ‘take it’. But sometimes (like Peter Finch in Network) I just want to open the window and scream.
4 Comments
Occasional Contributor
John I am really feeling for you,it just isn't fair. Scream into a pillow it muffles the sound,that's what I do when I get bad news my husband Rex does not hear me and I am glad,the last thing in the world I want to do is upset him. Rex is having a break from treatment after he was told his 1st line chemo therapy had failed,like your wife we could see he was getting worse but was told it was the side effects of the drugs!!! He has lost interest in most things and his cognitive thinking is terrible. We also prefer to wait until we see his oncologists to get results. What a nightmare ride you having,take it as easy as you can John and thank goodness you are there for your wife. A big hug (((((((())))))) coming your way from me. Dotty
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Super Contributor
Just want to say how sorry I am about all this . I have times when I feel sad and wonder what life's all about and why bother with things but my situation is not critical as is your wife's. It seems so unfair but you will get through it with support . I hope you can both have some happy moments to keep you going.
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Contributor
i am so very sorry, unfourntatly i know how you feel.. sometimes you feel so sad u just want to stay in bed and not come out! please hang in there, and know that you will not be like this forever... you are going through a trickky/rough patch, but you will recover whatever the outcome... maddie xo
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New Contributor
John the pain and heartbreak you are feeling now must be so tough I can only imagine how much it hurts,my thoughts and prayers are with you and your lovely wife.I to know the need not to have answers sometimes and the feeling of wanting to run away to a place where there is no cancer pain or hurt.Hang in there you are doing a great job caring for your wife and although you are riding this rollercoaster you are still there and loving and carihg for your wife.My hat comes off to you,look after yourself to it is important.God Bless. Tina. X
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