These are going to be the ramblings of a very scared woman who, when spoke of her fear was 'reassured' that there was nothing to worry about and that everything would be fine!. On Friday I have my first CT Scan since starting chemotherapy on 20 October.I have experienced the occasional pain in my stomach and liver, but this morning I had very severe pain in my stomach and I vomited - the first time in 3 months. Being a little stressed by this, my mind started to imagine the most horrible and worrying things that could be happening-the chemo is not working, the chemo was working now it isn't, my Oncologist told me it was aggressive and very advanced - it was too far gone to do anything about it.
Common sense tells me that if that was the case, they would not have given me chemo (right?).
I am quite disappointed in myself for thinking this way - I really am a positive, happy person and I am forever allaying the fears of my family - yes I feel really great!! really..!
Night time is the bad time - laying in bed, all is quiet, then the thoughts and memories of what has brought me here take over.
A charming 'friend' told me about cats in nursing homes. The residents all had cats and if a cat disappeared, then the nurses knew that patient was about to die!! Now, sometimes when my cat does not sleep with me, I start to panic-thank you 'friend'- stupid bloody thing to tell someone ! I have finished waffling, I just hope my little girl purrs me to sleep tonight!
