Ahhh the merry-go-round of life. How does the saying go? Stop the world I want to get off? Its the niggle again. YOU know, the niggle. The one you have after cancer treatment that turns you into a slight hypochondriac. The cancer is back the cancer is back is what we shriek internally when we are feeling slightly unwell and to which we respond "nothing dear" when our spouses ask if anything is the matter. Because really, when you have cancer, so does everyone else in your family and phew, how exhausting is it to reassure everyone that you are not going to slash your wrists with your pink daisy Gillette razor, you just want to look somewhat feminine for the latest batteries of testing. Well I have almost Gilletted up for tomorrows CT Scan. My niggle is taking on the appearance of vertigo, memory loss, facial / eye heaviness, front and back headache. So off to the testing farm we go 🙂 I wonder what they will find. My hypochondriac mind is shouting LESIONS! My brain is being chewed up... my rational self is saying - bloody hell, we go back to work at the end of the week, this had better be nothing because I don't have time for this! My tumour which was an Epithelioid Trophoblastic Tumour ETT (I call her Etty) is temperamental (pardon the pun) she cant work out whether she wants to stay benign or turn malignant. I suppose the choice is like choosing between Haigh's chocolate or Lindt. Its just so hard! So whilst she is deciding between the two, I am feeling the effects. Uncertainty, fear of recurrence etc etc. So whilst I go have my CT scan tomorrow, I will be hoping that my brain is stuck on the ski biscuit of school holidays, is having way too much fun and is overwhelmed at the knowledge that school holidays are coming to an end. I do hope my brain remembers that we have guests tomorrow and to take off her bikini's and sunnies and to behave properly!
10 Comments
Regular Contributor
Only a Teacher-mum would comment that you don't have time. I recall being in hospital throwing up so much that I had to have a naso-gastric tube inserted. I told the nurse that I don't have time for this as my yr 12 class needed to do revision and that my son had his HSC coming up. Good luck and I hope that everything behaves itself. Samex
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Contributor
he he Samex I was in the same position!!! I had my Chemo round in October 08 and I was calling in the powers that be to give revision lessons over the phone to my then Year 12's on the 'folenic acid days" he he 🙂 I hear ya!
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Regular Contributor
I tried to write reports a week after a hemi-colectomy still strung our on morphine! My HT rewrote them I think!
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Super Contributor
my brain goes on holiday too ! Hang in there teach the pre test pre result bit is yucko!
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Contributor
Yeah I know what you mean!! 🙂 I had a PET scan to stage the tumour at Peter Mac in Melbourne (if staging was required October last year and thought it was the last of it - the testing that is) ahhh well, thems the breaks 🙂
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Contributor
I feel like this most days - two weeks until my next MRI - I had two breakthrough seizures last week ....is my mind playing tricks on me? GOOD LUCK - CYBER HUGS, I hope all will be well, Nicole
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Deceased
Hi there teachers all. The things that we do and the commitment that we show. I remember sitting up being prepped for rectal ultrasounds (No - I've checked my spelling!), CT scans and bones scans, being surrounded by student essays and marking them! How mad was I? I guess the students appreciated the effort but I'm not sure. Twelve years down the track I still get twitchy in the weeks leading up to my next test, and yes any odd ache or unusual feeling brings back to your mind the possibility of it returning. I have mentioned before that it has been referred to as 'the shadow'. A colleague once referred to it as the shadow residing in a smaller room in the house of his mind, not the main rooms. Sometimes, however, it can become a black monster trying to break out of the room and invade the rest of your mind. All you seem to be doing is hammering planks across the straining doorway to keep it contained. If it get to that stage, then get some professional help. Otherwise it does reduce over time, but it will never go away. Another person I spoke with once, told me about his Christmas present to himself. He was well past treatment and his specialist had told him long ago that he no longer needed to go for regular test. Every December, he went and had a blood test, got the result showing that all was well, just before Christmas - his present to himself. So hope the test go OK , that if remains a shadow in a small room of your mind and never becomes the black monster. Regards Sailor An incorrectly identified mark is a hazard, not an aid, to navigation. Alton B. Moody
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Contributor
Ok drum roll please - I have the results..... *drum roll for dramatic effect* I have a brain!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, on the serious side - everything is ok in that respect however I have been diagnosed with Meniere's Disease which means more medication! 🙂 Super! oh and my hormone levels were done - the Cal. Free Testosterone that is supposed to be between 8 & 32...is 61 and the Onc doctor said, well thats nothing to worry about. Sure I may not die from it but it sure as hell is an issue 🙂 Get me a gynae 🙂 Just because I ain't dying from it - doesnt make it all good 🙂 Go have a Hysterectomy, have hormone issues then tell me its all good he he 🙂 Sorry for the rant, its been one of those days I and I start work tomorrow - I am trying to keep my composure over two statements - camps week and swimming carnival he he 🙂 xxxxx Teach.
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Super Contributor
Ohhhh teach thats fantastic news ... well not about the hormones and hopefully you can get that fixed asap. I have been struggling a bit lately with the "side issues". No one seems to care or really want to know because its not cancer and i am not dying from it and yet it is affecting me. Oh well!! :) glad to hear things have gone well for you ... you can get out that boot polish now. :D Julie xoxo
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Regular Contributor
Well done Teach! Hope you survived your first few days. Don't overdo it. Let someone else do some of the things that you thought only you could do. I am letting go of some things and I'm starting to realise that while my students are important, my health is too! Good luck with the other bits. S
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