I have researched grief so many times, generally to assist my friends, my colleagues and to assist me in my career. I knew what to expect when I was to go through it myself one day. I even spoke to my family and friends about the fear I held of experiencing it, whenever that may be. I am generally quite an emotional person. I cry when I am happy, I discuss why I am sad and I make I make it quite clear when I am angry. This grief process though...it's a whole new ball game. It's a rollercoaster of emotions that bounces back and forth and can hit at any given moment of any given day. I used to like the feeling of adrenalin that a roller coaster would give me, but I don't like this rollercoaster. So here I am, a 32 year old female, in a same sex relationship with 3 foster children and my partner's father living with us too. I work fulltime as a cop and deal with everyone else's issues. Now I'm scared as I am forced to now deal with my own. My dad died in February...he was a cop too. Dad spent 37 years of his life serving the community,it's all I have ever known. Now he isn't here and there is a large piece of me missing. All the emotions are catching up with me and I am well aware that if I do not deal with them I may very well self destruct. It was some time in September 2014 that my mum contacted me via phone to tell me dad had bowel cancer. Why she thought it her place to tell me I will never know as dad and her were divorced. So there I am, doing 110km/h on the motorway and my mum drops a bombshell on me...now I am quite a positive happy person generally, but at that very moment I could feel my whole world start to crumble. So began the journey that brings me to today...a Sunday that has had me periodically in tears since I woke up, it has had me searching the internet for answers as to why and how this happened and now to here. A place that I can download my emotions in a way that may help someone else who is doing just as I was.
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