Hi this is the first time I have ever written a blog however 2009 has brought a lot of "firsts" so far. My husband had a mole removed on Feb 15th by Feb 19th our whole world turned upside down when he got the call to say he had a 4mm deep melanoma. So began our journey! Andrew had a centinal node biopsy and one lymph node came back wwith melanoma (I didn't even know we had lymph nodes) he has since had all the tissue & 28 lymph nodes removed, CAT scan & PET scan - all with clear results. Andrew is going on a clinical trial so every 7 weeks for the next two years we go to Brisbane for an infusion & scans. He was told he has a 50% chance of survuving the next two years - apparently chemo doesn't work on melanoma cancer. Andrew is 36 and has had his skin checked every year for the past 6 years. In August 2008 he asked the skin doctor about getting the mole taken off & was told it was fine. So now we try to go back to normality but I've kind of forgotten what that is. Does anyone have good coping strategies for those times when you just want to scream. I'm being a rock for Andrew - no tears & positive words but I wonder what else I can do to help him?
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This is just me, but my needs from my partner change daily, hourly and sometimes even by the minute. I find I am getting more from the cancer community than from hiim, but when I melt down, I need for him to HEAR me, not just say you will be ok. He can't say that, no one can. I need for him to give me space, I need him to hug me, I would really love it if he could get involved, but I doubt he ever will. His way of helping is to take the kids and give me space. I cry when he is laughing with the kids and wonder if I will see them grow up, but I can't let my self dwell, or I wouldn't get up. The best thing you can do is respond to his emotions and educate yourself about what is happening. There are support groups for careres too and that would be a powerful thing for you too. If you are in the Sunshine Coast, Bloomhill at Buderim is worth its weight in gold. Best of luck and health for both of you.
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Thanks for your advice - it is good to hear from someone going through it all. All the very best and thanks again for sharing some words of wisdom. Paula
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