I feel very sad at the moment - I have had 3 rounds of chemotherapy as as the body feels better it is as if the mind is taking over and I feel angry and sad and going through the "why me" phase. Trying to live for the moment but it is hard. It seems easy for the whole world to give advice to cancer sufferers - be strong! fight it! be positive! Easy for you to say. On the other hand i know it is hard for family and friends to say/do the right thing and they are all trying their best.
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Can understand how you feel. Chemo can be a real drudge and I'm sure the chemicals affect ones mood as well. I found that after a few taxol treatments I was feeling flat and down and have noticed an improvement since finishing up treatment. I feel also that 3 months seems to be the maximum time limit friends are there for you and then things go back to normal and emotional support becomes less. I've found particularly hard those that say "we must get together" but won't comit to a definite arrangment. Then it's "it's because we're busy". Do they think that doing cancer is a life of leisure or something!!!! And that's for people who aren't working so for those who have young kids still to care for or jobs to maintain to continue an income or fear of job loss. Then there was one friend who we had endless discussions of suitable places to go to suit her very young daughter, suitable times for her and nothing eventuated and it all seemed to be around her and her needs. Then when she had a party and I wanted to come she was very cool and oh it's along way but no we'd love to see you, you'll be made to feel really welcome by my friends, anything I can do to make it easier for you and I do feel bad I haven't made the effort to come out your way but can fix that. Anyhow no easy answers but I know I feel the pressure to be positive feeling that if I did ask for things, support, talk about my fears etc rather than aiming to be postiive and fun to be with that no one would want to see me. I do have to say that at work I no longer go the extra yard to win over people who do not seem to like me because I've got a quiet manner by continuing to chat to them, noticing their special things and interests and enquiring about them when it's not reciprocated and so and it's quite refreshing in some ways.
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Deceased
Hi Roberta You don't have to be strong, you don't have to be positive, you are allowed to feel weak - (after all you're having chemo!) and it is OK to be angry, have negative thoughts and emotions. It is good to acknowledge these things and that you do not have to fit into other peoples image of what they want you to be. Yes trying to live for the moment in the middle of cancer treatment is hard, perhaps you do need to live and hope for the future after treatment. As far as the 'Why me' - I guess it is equally valid to ask why not me. By the time we are 75 one in three men and one on four women will have experienced cancer - there's nothing special about getting cancer, it seems to be a pretty large part of our living. An oncologist once explained it to me that cancer results from mistakes in the replication of the genetic material when cells are dividing. The body is pretty good at repairing mistakes, but when you consider the sheer number of cells that are dividing in our body at any one time, it is really pretty amazing that there is not more cancer. Family and friends do try and do their best most of the time. But remember they think that if you are positive and feel strong you are doing better and besides you are easier to live with. So don;t feel you have to live up to their expectation. If you feel terrible you are allowed to admit it. Regards Sailor Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Kahlil Gibran
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