PC, liver and the hidden traps versus survival and sanity and the time to let go

[mazsa]

Here I am 11 months down the track of fighting my PC and winning, so I thought. six months of fortnightly Folfirinox that completely knocked the hell out of then continually lowered doses as the tumor rapidly shrunk. Only 1 faint shadow of a lesion left in my liver out of the original 12 lesions found. I really thought I am just about home free for a while and that maybe I would be able to go on monthly chemo as the cat scan I had 3 months ago was nothing but good news. Think again. I had my latest cat scan last Friday and I got the results this morning from my oncologist, 45 minutes before I started my chemo. I have a new growth of 18mm on my liver, they just don't know exactly what it is yet. My chemo regime changed drastically this morning. I am now on weekly Abraxane (originally made for breast cancer) but is now being used for PC with very good results. A few weeks ago, here I was thinking I'm going to make at least 5 years and I was planning on more, tonight I said my prayers to God and I have just humbly asked for another 12 months. I have a close friend that I spend chemo time with in hospital and we both have inoperable PC for the exactly same reason as it's deep in the head of the pancreas. Annie is about 7 months ahead of me with PC and she found about hers a lot later than I did. We eventually found that we were both at the same stage of the pancreatic tumor shrinking to close to nothing but still having a small shadow in the liver. Annie found out a couple of months ago that she had some abnormal growths appear in her liver that weren't responding to chemo so she had radiation spheres inserted into her liver. Annie also got her latest results today and the radiation hasn't worked and she has another growth in her liver. She is now also back on Abraxane, we will both completely lose all our hair and nails together, we will continue to fight together and cry together but Annie won't make it. Annie is now too weak to want to continue, she is asking her oncologist about how long it will be if she stops chemo and she will have maybe a month and if she stays on chemo she will have maybe 3 months. Annies daughter is doing the climb in Africa on their highest mountain to raise money for cancer and Libby is donating all her proceeds to PC and the people that just don't have the money to pay for treatment. Libby still can't accept her mother is going to die soon. Annie is only 54 and she is one of the most beautiful and honest and friendliest people I have ever met. I don't want her to die but I do know it is going to happen soon. I don't want to die but this new growth has kinda f---d up my plans. The use of Abraxane for PC (besides breast cancer) was actually thought of by Annies oncologist and it has become a familiar chemo use for PC. Unfortunately it doesn't work for everyone as I am finding out with Annie. I hope it works for me as I really do have a reason to continue my fight now. Besides myself Annie is my reason as she has taught me so much and through Annie and another special friend I found on this sight. Cancer is not the end of everything and the friends you make just help you all the way in no matter what they do or say. They are friends who understand you. Keith letter is in your inbox Mazsa