As I read your notes of the conversations you have with Mum, I'm torn and brought to uncontrollable tears. You have written of how sad you feel that it has come down to this, you talk about how the days are passing you buy and you don't remember what the day actually is. I wish this was not happening, i'll be forever scarred when I lose you. You're not supposed to go now, you're supposed to grow old with Mum, you're supposed to see your two beautiful grandchildren grow up and sing to them, play guitar with them, teach them music, something I could never do. I don't want them to forget you, I don't want them to have another 'Poppie'. I wanted you to be the favourite Grandparent!!!! I wanted to go to Tamworth with you, even persuade you to go to Nashville! All these things that you won't get to see or do because of the fucking gigantic tumour sitting on your tongue. How dare they take you away from all the above and even now knowing that you can't even enjoy "A last supper" even a god dam drink because you feed through a tube in your stomach! Why! Why! Why! Mum is going to be lost without you all the adventures she had planned to do with you, all the love and admiration she has for you. How am I going to pick up the pieces??? How am I? Dad, I love you and I want you stay in this world so very much. You have been my rock, my guide, even to this day at 31 years of age, married with two children I still have you in my decisions and I always will. Be brave, be so very brave all my love your daughter xxx
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