Shocked to the System

[Lisa5911]

I'm new here and not sure how to handle this at this stage as i hve been told i have incurable liver cancer, trying to breathe and take each day as it comes. Tomorrow i go in to have a CT liver scan with a biopsy and also getting my chest/lungs, stomach and pelvic CT Scan as well. I will also will be getting a Bone Scan done too. Trying to be brave and it isn't working with family living so far away, daughter in France, son in Gosford, brother in Qld, sister in Melbourne and my elderly parents in the country side down south 5 hours from here. I'm feeling very anxious for tomorrow as i was told i will be drinking an oral contrast for the Ct scan of the liver to help with the biopsy. Fought cancer twice in 2005 and 2009 and now i am back on the merry go round again. Lisa

[harker]

Hi Lisa I have an incurable condition (multiple myeloma) and felt just like you when I was diagnosed. That is four years ago now and I am managing to live with the condition. Some people say that their cancer has become their friend and I know what they mean. I was extremely anxious about the test stage (bone marrow and kidney biopsies, CT scans) and remember being particularly freaked out by the CT machine which reminded me of a pizza oven. A few weeks later I read an article about a woodworker who had crafted a beautiful toy CT machine that could be used to explain the test to young children before it took place. I remember thinking what a good idea that was and how it would have certainly made a difference to my state of mind if someone had sat me down with a toy CT machine for a play first. H

[Lisa5911]

Thanks H, I remember my very first Ct Scan, it sure did freak me out too, but i am use to it now but this will be my first time having to take the contrast via mouth as u have always have had the injection type.Funny how we all try to deal with it in our own way...i haven't yet scream, yell or cried. I suppose i'm holding out that they could have made a huge bloody mistake, less chance of that as my GP and Oncologist had to show me the paper with it written down. I have just return back spending a lovely weekend with my elderly parents and they are devasted with it all. And they wish they could be closer to me but it is not possible as poor Mum had a stroke back in 2008 and her short memory is getting worse and my Dad near approaching 80 is her full time carer is feeling so hopeless in not being there for me...told them i have them in spirit and i am only a phone call away. I will post how i go tomorrow as i have to be at the hospital by 8.30am. Cheers Lisa

[oldhippy]

Dear Lisa, your in shock - you've just had it dumped on you. And now, the tests to see what its doing, and what the medicos can offer in return. The oral contrast stuff - no idea, maybe there taking a good look around, had that (tastes like cheap orange cordial) as well as the poke a hole in you and pump this stuff into you as well. It will get easier, hard to believe at the moment, but it will get easier to cope with. Be as nice as you can to yourself, relax any way you can, the whole process flows at its own rate, so just go with it for a little while and it will become clearer. Andrew the oldhippy.

[Annie333]

Hi Lisa, Fingers and toes crossed for you. Even a prayer. As Andrew said, be kind to your body and relax. Shantideva Buddha spoke these words, 'if it can be cured why worry, if it cannot be cured what is the use of worrying.' I live by this now.. Take care Annie

[SILLY]

The tests, no matter what kind, always make most of us at least a little nervous ,but the outcome is what we really makes us become anxious . For you the shock of being a third time unlucky must be hard. Are your 3 cancers related? And to be told it's incurable is bound to stir up different emotions. My cancer is incurable but I will probably live for some years still. I know the waiting for your test results will be difficult but at least you can use this site and you will get feedback. Do you have friends nearby,friends you can talk to or see?

[Lisa5911]

Thank you 'silly', 'Annie' and 'Oldhippy', so nice to be able to talk to someone here and i had the biopsy done (4 of them) as they had to get to 4 lesions and it was so very painful as it was all in the left side of my liver and right under my rib cage and having the ultrasound handle pushing down on you and the biopsy needle going through is so painful, i had two local done to numb the area but it didn't work so they gave me a morphine but still had so much pain, i was in tears the whole time and what made it worse was i wasn't allow to have anyone with me for comfort to have a hand to hold onto. I wish never to go through that again, next time i will demand a general as i have a extremely low threshold of pain. I was there at the hospital from 8.30am till 6.30pm. I had to stay after the biopsy for 4 hours after in case of any sudden bleeding. I am ok now just got a very sore bad from laying down all that time. Dr said the results will be in next wednesday so i have to wait till i see my oncologist on 28th July to know what is happening. The oral contrast was like a lime cordial and tasted absolutely yucky. I had two dye contrast as well, one was a mistake as the nurse release it too soon and because i had a small needle i let out a yelp as it hurt like shit...then i had another one just as i was going in the machine. Unblieveable of how much shit they put into you and you know what...LOL nothing show up on the Ct Scan so they had to go back to the Ultrasound and found it...i was just shaking my head at this stage thinking this is total crap!! Then i had the biopsy done via Ultrasound. Annie i love that quote you wrote i have written it out and put it on my computer to remind me of that everyday, thank you so much. Silly, not sure at this stage if it is related to my breast cancers that i have had, will know all that when i next visit my Oncologist. Oldhippy, thanks i have taken a long nice warm bath with candles and music of Enya and it has helped me relax. Will keep you all posted as time goes on. Cheers Lisa 😄

[SILLY]

Cancer sucks!

[Lisa5911]

You got that right Annie, CANCER sucks big time. Update: i had to ring my Oncologist's office to ask the receptionist to let her know that i have had the biopsy...she said she was unable to forward the date to 21st as she is so booked out so looks like it is the 28th July i still see her BUT she has said to me that it is too long for me to wait to hear about the biopsy so she is going to call me as soon as she gets the results next week. Save me from getting anxious and all the rest of it. Also the Dr that did my biopsy rang me yesterday too to see how i was and to say how very sorry he was for putting me through sheer hell on wednesday, so nice to know we have some caring health professionals out there. I did thank him for calling and checking up on me and that it was so very much appreciated. It sure makes it worth the while doesn't it when that happens and makes your day alot brighter too. Got a lovely friend staying with me for the day and evening to help out with a few things here. I do have a extremely sore left shoulder blade, it hurts when i breathe and i am taking penedine forte every 8 hours to help with the pain, just want to stay away from Drs till monday, sick of being anywhere near them at the moment. Always got to be something all the time. Cheers Lisa

[SILLY]

I'm glad you are being looked after by all. Have a good weekend.

[Annie333]

Hello Lisa, thanks for the update. That's great you have a friend staying with you for the day and evening giving you a hand with things there. How is the pain in your shoulder blade. Much better I hope. I hope your appointment on the 28th will go as best as can be. So if you haven't heard any news usually no news is good news. Will keep sending you positive vibes. Take care Annie Let us know how you go

[Lisa5911]

Hello Everyone, I had recieve my "secondary breast cancer" kit package yesterday. As far as my bone scan report my GP had a report as well and it has said that i have no cancer in my bone so that is a fantastic news. I will get this confirmed by my Oncologist on Thursday. I will not be going alone this time as i will have my son and my father's sister who is my aunt and is a nun and works for pallative care (she is a nun). My gorgeous beautiful sister is organising for me and for herself a trip to Queensland for a 2 day Intenstive Journey Workshop that is run by Brandon Bays. It will be interesting and also a chance for me to think about lot of things etc. I have been told by my Oncologist over the phone that she wants to start Chemo treatments next week, i am a little anxious and nervous with it all but the oncologist nurse did say to me when i sopke to her that it will be very different to the treatment i had with my breast cancer, she said it will be 3 weeks on and 1 week off and it will be in small doses. Anyway i will know more on Thursday. I had a lovely time last weekend spending it with my son, his partner and my gorgeous 21 month old granddaughter. So that had put a smile on my face for a little while at least. Thanks Annie i have added you as my friend 😄 I hope it all goes well too Annie on Thursday. I will post back when i have been. Lisa

[Lisa5911]

Oops i meant to say i will NOT be going alone...my fingers and brain and not wired up properly grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Have a lovely day everyone. Lisa

[SILLY]

Having your family members visit is especially good at these times. Glad that the cancer is not in your bones . Hope the chemo goes well.

[Annie333]

Hi lisa, great to hear it's not in the bones. Well chemo on the 28th has come and gone. How are you feeling? I hope it is going alright. I checked friend list and not sure how it works? I can't see your name. Anyway lovey, will keep praying all goes well with you. Annie

[Lisa5911]

Hi All, I am ok, just had a very busy time with my Chemo treatments to my incurable liver cancer...i was on the "Abraxane" it gave me terrible side effects with huge pains in my muscles and joints, i have a low thershold of pain so this wasn't good at all..i was in pain for 48 hours before i went in and seen the assestment nurse and she took me up for x-ray on my tummy and it came back with me veing very badly consitpated and that was the reason why no pain killers were getting through so i was quickly put on Coloxyl taking two a day and also i was given 6 steriods tablets to take 2 each day. The steriods tablet worked fast and killed the pain straight away and i took another two the next day but by third day my eye sight became so blurry that i couldn't see with my glasses on let alone without them. I also got the numbness and tingling in my finger tips on both hands and toes also my whole feet as well. I was taken off that and i am now on "Xeloda" Chemo tabs taken orally 2 weeks on and 1 week off...3 in the morning and evening at 500mg each tabs. So far touch wood i have not had any serious problem with it except tireness. After having the Abraxane on 5th August i am now starting to get my left hand and foot back to normal but my right side seems to be taking a while yet. I have to admit this had cause me extreme concern and i was really upset to the point of saying why am i even bothering with this...i know it is to try and shrink the tumor but not if it was going to give me more damage to my body else where. But after leaving for a week to start on "Xeloda" as i was away in Gosford staying with my son i didn't want to have any side effects to help him out looking after Layla (grandaughter) while Mum goes into hospital. My Oncologist wasn't impress with me delaying it by one week...i said to her i did ask Vicki (Oncologist nurse) to let you know and she said to me that she think that i wouldn't have any side effects from "Xeloda" my reaction to her was "How do you know?" look what happen to me on the "Abraxane" and she went quiet and said for me to let her know when i started on the "Xeloda". Anyways i came home the following week on a Friday seeing no baby has arrive and started the Chemo tablets on saturday...i am in my second week now and i'm happy to say "touch wood" all is going well. My new grandaughter finally arrive 12 days overdue by natural birth much to Mum's delight as she didn't want a C-Section as she had that with Layla. Ivy Mae is her name and was born on 9/9/2011 at 3.23kgs. Oh and i am also on Clexane due to getting a clot in my right calf so i am on that twice a day and will be throughout my whole Chemo treatment...unbelieveable isn't it and i inject it myself too. I do hope that everyone is going ok and i better head off as i have to go and have a blood test to see where my blood is at with this clexane grrrrrrrrr never ending is it. Cheerio for now Lisa

[Annie333]

Thank you for the update Lisa. No wonder we didn't hear from you. You have been quite busy there. Great to hear of the new little one. And what a beautiful name too. Prayers all continues to go well for you :) Annie