My mum passed away two weeks ago from cancer, a melanoma that spread like wildfire. I cared for her for her last three months at my parents home in Bunbury W.A. And now the funeral is over I have returned home to Melbourne. I couldn't stay in Bunbury any longer than a few days. Three months there was an enormous feat, also living with my Dad...I don't want to go into that just yet. So far I have just walked around the city in a daze. I don't know what to say when someone says, "Hey Paul whats's been happening? haven't seen you around the studio?" or even, "Sorry for your loss," At this stage its so numbing and surreal, part of my head thinks mums at home and it is all just a bad dream. As a carer I was there for mum, day and night, my dad gave up in the last month and turned to alcohol and escaped with pot every night, and returned to his barfly ways. It was so hard to deal with two issues. I love my dad...but seriously he let me down and I forbid myself to take on his grief or excuses. My 2 brothers came for visits...they were sparingly helpful. I couldn't of managed with out Palliative care and the help of mums loving sisters. I can't explain how hard it was to care and watch your mum fade away, I do have relief but it nothing to my loss. I am so glad I did what I did, I even spoke at the funeral...somehow. I might hide from the world, stay online where I can't be seen, I feel this may be my best defence to ground myself. I loved my mum so much.
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