It was not the first time and it will not be the last I know. This morning walking the dog before I went to work I suddenly found tears running down my checks. I was thinking about my wife and what is happening to her and suddenly I was crying. This is not like me. I don’t cry. I quickly stopped of course and by the time I got back home I was my ‘normal’ self: strong, controlled, calm, in control.
But deep down I am not in control; in reality I am simply suppressing everything and bottling up my emotions. I am not sure how much longer I can live this lie. I have to stay strong for my wife and the children but increasingly I do not feel strong. I am bruised, battered and in an almost constant state of mental anguish.
This is hard.
