My life before this horriable thing happened to my family and i was wonderful. Just 6 short months ago i had a great place to live , wonderful friends , an awesome job , was just about to leave on my first adventure around the world , loved my family so much and i was pretty care free - i remember saying to a friend , "hay lifes pretty great at the moment". sure i craved for some things to be a little better , my love life was and still is no existant , but hay with everything else looking great that wasn't an issue.
Then dad fell at work and hit his head , they sent him off for scans to make sure everything was alright - a week later dad's in the hospital on the cancer care ward , life seemed to take a tumble , but only a small one. We met with a doctor after doctor after doctor until one finally said to us that yes this is cancer and yes this is what will kill my dad , my first thoughts were "aren't you stupid doc , you don't know my dad he is the strongest man in the world - he'll kick cancers arse".
Fast forward to now , i have just got home to my parents house after a visit with dad at the hospital , Dad is now under close observation because he's confused about where he is and why he is there and keeps trying to "escape". The man who was once the strongest man in the world is now to weak to get out of bed on his own , is wearing incontinance aids , to confused to realise who his grand daughter is or why i wasn't at school and asking where my older brother (who has been in jail for almost 4 years) is. How do you cope with this???
I am coming to terms with the fact that Dad wont be around to see me get married , or be there to hold my children ,see me buy my own house , to listen to my stories about my travel adventures or see me finish my studies but how do you live through seeing your strenght weaken ??
I am a trained facilator in Wellness Recovery , I am suppose to know how to cope with triggers and break downs- but if i don't know how to do this for myself , if i can't see myself recovering from this how am i suppose to show others??
Will it ever be the same again ???
