well i haven't been on the site for the past few months. Ive been taking a break from being online in my spare time... trying to find a new hobby, something to take my mind off life. since coming home from the USA in February my life just feels so different. like Ive left the real me behind and im just the shell left going thru the motions. i knew when i became a full time carer for my father that i would be putting my own life on hold, and im not here to complain about that because i love my dad and i wouldn't be anywhere else right now, i just feel lost ... and very very alone. i guess in many ways im worried. im not prepared for what i know is inevitable... and i dont know how to be ready for when it happens. Im kind of just living in the now, and putting off whats next... and thats just not me... im a planner... i know what im doing, when im doing it and how i want to do it. So living day to day is hard for me. My dad seems weaker by the day. for the past few months he has been developing pain in the groin area, the dr's say its most likely arthritis... but with just having done one x-ray im not buying that crap. he hobbles when he walks now and its just progressively getting worse. we go back to the hospital again in 2 weeks. i spoke to his Dr a few days ago... i stressed the point that he is on a high dosage of pain medication and still in pain and something about his changes in behavior just doesnt feel right. ive spent the last 8 months with my dad... every day of every month (except the 3 week break i had in jan/feb) if anyone was going to notice changes its gonna be me. and i feel like the things that are worrying me are just dismissed. If something worries my dad, he will wait till hes really sure before he tells me. he is just so stubborn. something im sure i inherited from him ha ha ha. anyways ive done enough babbling for today... peace out!
9 Comments
Not applicable
is this reply a joke? or spam?
0 Kudos
Contributor
Hi Shennanigans, Sorry about that - yes, it was spam and has been deleted. Warm Regards, Kate Cancer Connections Admin Team
0 Kudos
Not applicable
thanks Kate.... What a stupid place for people to put spam... seriously.
0 Kudos
Contributor
Hey Shennanigans! I hear you! I care for my husband and for the past three and a half years since his diagnosis, I have felt that he will be around for at least 15 years....that is what my gut has felt.....but this week it has changed...... This week as I listened to him sleep in hospital....he sounded like he was struggling....... And he is so skinny...44 kgs down from about 65...... I think he is slowly starting a deterioration that will not be stopped....although he came home from hospital, yesterday, and was okay when he got home, he has been in bed all day today, asleep or in pain.... I just wish something would be resolved.....whether his pain decreased/ was able to be managed properly....or that someone would say to us.....this is it......the end is near....... But I have taken to calling him Lazarus, as he seems to keep rising from the dead...... The unknown is bad enough, but when it is in your face every waking moment....it can be so hard to take. Hang in there!! I reckon your dad is scared, my husband is that's for sure!!! Take care! PA
0 Kudos
Not applicable
sorry to hear about your husband PA, when i lost my mother to cancer 14 yrs ago she just gave up... my dad on the other hand (who i had pinned to just give up) surprised me and has just begun fighting so hard not to let go of anything. There have been some menial tasks he now cant do... like he cant go to banks anymore, or to the local store because it hurts to walk and he too dropped massive amounts of weight from about 70kg to 50kgs or less now. i know how you feel wishing the pain would stop for them. my dad has days as well where he is in bed because he is either so drained of energy he needs sleep or he is in so much pain he cant get up, and he is already on so much pain medication. my dad isnt a feeling person.. he would never tell me if he was scared but i think you're right. on the plus side i am taking a bit of a respite break.... heading back to see my fiance in the USA for 5 and a 1/2 weeks 🙂 im already having separation anxiety and i dont leave for another 18 days 😮
0 Kudos
Super Contributor
I can't say anything to comfort you but it's obvious you are doing all you can for your dad .
0 Kudos
Not applicable
thanks silly.. getting on here and getting stuff off my mind helps. i have good days and bad days... all that really matters is he is as happy and comfortable as he can be. i have booked a fairly decent break and im hoping that helps me get back on track. im a little worried my family wont step up and do the things i have been doing for the past 8 months though. i have started to stock up on everything i normally get for him and hope that helps.
0 Kudos
Contributor
Hi shennanigans, I think it is wonderful that ur father has u with him to help in this very trying times. My fiance is my carer atm and I know how much of a toll this takes on him. He does not complain, he just goes about helping me, running our house, cooking, cleaning and being my emotional support. I am amazed by the job he does and I can guarantee u that ur father would be so blessed and happy u are there to help him. Being a carer is the ultimate sacrifice and requires people to often be so selfless. Sometimes with the Dr's being super assertive is the only way to be heard...never be afraid to speak up as u r with ur dad often and can paint a realistic picture of what's happening. I wish u luck at ur next appt, I hope they take on board ur observations. Btw keep doing an amazing job, don't forget to take time for u and never underestimate the wonderful job u do and venting ur frustrations is healthy. Also have a wonderful time visiting ur fiance :) Rubes
0 Kudos
Not applicable
Hey rubes, Sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you. Thank you for the kind words. This website is by far the only place i can be truly honest about the way things are... its like the only people who understand are those going through similar things. Hope you are doing well :) Manda
0 Kudos
Post new blog
Talk to a health professional
Cancer Council support and information 13 11 20Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm
Cancer Information and Support

Online resources and support

Access information about support services, online resources and a range of other materials.

Caring for someone with cancer?

Find out what resources and support services are available to assist you.