Coping strategies for a new carer for parent

[KML]

Hi everyone, 

Am new to this space and have been seeking out the right forum for support. My Mum was recently diagnosed with metastatic breast bone cancer, which came as a huge shock. 

It's been a huge adjustment for myself and my family, I've moved interstate to become her full time carer. One thing I've quickly realised is that being a carer is far more challenging that I anticipated. The actual care itself hasn't been the issue, it's more-so the emotional toll that I have been grappling with.

It's also been difficult for me to relate to my peers, as I am only 32 years old and most of my friends are out chasing their career (which is what I was doing too, prior to all of this happening). I feel as though my perspective of the world has drastically shifted, I feel alone in my feelings of grief for who I was and have been facing who I am now...a carer. 

Any advice on coping strategies for a new carer is much appreciated. Especially if anyone else is in a similar position of being a young adult, caring for their parent - I am really seeking that mutual understanding of the position I am in.

- KML

[KaceJax]

Im sad to know about your mom. And i do pray that she will eventually be cured. 

All I can is stay positive and happy amidst of the situation, Try to read a single passage from the Bible or a positive quote every day to strengthen you. It may sound easily said but hard to do - mindset, hope and faith will move, believe me. 

[Anonymous]

Hi @KML 

Coming to terms with your mother's diagnosis is a big thing let alone moving interstate and putting your career on hold as you care for your Mum.

Getting some supports in place for yourself is vital.  Carers Australia has some excellent resources and links to the Carer Gateway. 

Have you moved to a location where you are able to reconnect with family/ friends?  It is a bit of a bummer at present with all the Covid restrictions as joining a hobby group is also a great way of meeting people but also providing you with some time out.  Getting a good routine established helps and learning to give carer guilt a swift kick out the door is important early on. 

Having a counselor is helpful and utilising the free counseling the Cancer Council or the Carer Gateway provides might be of use to you as a starting point. You will find a recurrent theme of self care and doing things that foster resilience. It is not easy as we have our own emotions to negotiate as well as trying to keep things as stress free as we can for our loved ones and feeling at times that no matter what we do we can't win ... yikes!

I am a firm believer however that instead of hoping for  a miracle  cure (which in my husband's case is medically improbable, but if he responds to chemo a few years is possible) that our energies are best spent on  living as well as possible and tackling problems head on as they arise.  My husband cannot see that is is possible to have joy despite his condition as yet and I have found I have needed to provide him with persistent gentle encouragement.