Hi there, I find myself sitting here today after a visit with my parents for Mothers Day. Dad has Non Hodgkins Mantle cell lymphoma - relatively new diagnosis, but has so far had 2 rounds of chemo. Dad is doing great this month but I am finding that as i hear mum's versions of their day-to-day coping, Dad's fear predominately overrides any positive thinking. Dad is a very intelligent man and does a lot of research about his cancer and other related health topics. I guess what motivates me to seek help today is that while Dad see's himself as 'helping' by trying to plan for 'their' future, he says and does things that indicate he does not see himself around in the future. He is presuming imminent death, and he is assuming his looming Bone marrow transplant in 4 months time will be the end of him, as 'research' has shown that sometimes things don't go that well….
Mum and I don't know how to cope with this line of thinking. Dad never tells us kids that this is on his mind. It is only Mum that he shares his darkest fears with and she is a mental wreck. She shares this with me and I stay positive for her. Then I come home and i'm a wreck!
I am assuming we are not the only ones out there battling such negative thinking but i'd love to hear about ways of combating this in a way that is delicate and sensitive to our loved one.
sorry to hear your are all going through such a horrendous time, its such a cruel world sometimes
I think its your dads way of having some sort of control surrounding his illness, I think he is just preparing himself for one of the ways it could go, I don't think think he is necessarily assuming that the worse will happen just seeing it as a possibility and wants to cover all basis maybe... try to see it as his way of coping, it sounds like its his personality traits that lead him this way, just keep supporting him and each other as best you can,.... most times there seems to be the positive people, the frightened scared negative people in each unit, maybe that's naturally what happens so the person gets something from each personality and for me there are times when one or more are needed from time to time... Take care my friend I wish u all well
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.