Hello All

[KatDoe]

Hi all, Obviously new to the site. In hopes of being able to connect with others who have or are dealing with similar issues. Its not easy when someone you love dearly is making life more difficult than it already is. My father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer back in February 2010 and was given about 6 months to a year to live. Its been a rough road so far. My dad is very depressed...rightfully so...there are some days when he is coping and others were he just doesn't care. I understand that...but he is also an alcoholic therefore he is drowning his sorrows away but he is also taking medication. This past week he has been acting not himself. He has been pushing my brother and I away, saying that he is well capable of handling everything on his own. The social worker at the hospital told us that we must put our limits and to put our feet down but it is very hard to do that with someone you love. Has anyone else felt helpless?

[#2]

Hi Kat, I was diagnosed with brain cancer 18 months ago, yes times are tough as we journey up & down the rollercoaster, depression can be hard and I understand just how your dad feels although Im coping alot better now than when first DX. I used to push everyone away and carried so much anger, but we are all indivduals and cope in different ways, maybe the drinking is his only solitude of copeing. Sorry about your dad, I know its so hard for your family. regards Warrior woman

[deejjay]

Hi Kat Sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis. In the support group I attend they say it's very hard for carers and close ones as they sit by helplessly wanting to be able to cure or fix the person or save them from going through this difficult time and knowing that they can't. Plus of course grieving when the person is terminally ill. Even though I have cancer, it's breast cancer and even though there is a 40% chance of reocurrence, I'm not terminally ill and thus I can't fully understand what your dad is going through. But I do hear what you say and how much you want him to enjoy as much as possible the time he has left. When I was diagnosed I decided to try to enjoy life as much as possible and try not to waste time being angry and so forth. But of course at times I am, well maybe more grumpy ie complain about the traffic, bad attitudes and so forth. If he says you don't understand agree with him. But also tell him you care deeply for him and want to help him enjoy himself and be as happy as possible. At the same time do draw boundaries around his anger though, for example, say you're happy to listen to him talk but there is certain things you won't put up with and restate this if the thing happens. With the being pushed away say you're not there to do things for him but to spend time with him and do something pleasant. And that is natural you want to help him to make this difficult time easier. Is he taking anti depressants at all? Perhaps discuss that with the social worker or his doctor to see if that would help. His tendency to turn to alcohol is difficult as well as if he struggled with this when well then more difficult when not well. Maybe he would respond to trying anti depressants as a way of coping as they will also influence his mind. Anyhow we're always here to listen to you. Hugs Deejjay

[deejjay]

Hi Kat Sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis. In the support group I attend they say it's very hard for carers and close ones as they sit by helplessly wanting to be able to cure or fix the person or save them from going through this difficult time and knowing that they can't. Plus of course grieving when the person is terminally ill. Even though I have cancer, it's breast cancer and even though there is a 40% chance of reocurrence, I'm not terminally ill and thus I can't fully understand what your dad is going through. But I do hear what you say and how much you want him to enjoy as much as possible the time he has left. When I was diagnosed I decided to try to enjoy life as much as possible and try not to waste time being angry and so forth. But of course at times I am, well maybe more grumpy ie complain about the traffic, bad attitudes and so forth. If he says you don't understand agree with him. But also tell him you care deeply for him and want to help him enjoy himself and be as happy as possible. At the same time do draw boundaries around his anger though, for example, say you're happy to listen to him talk but there is certain things you won't put up with and restate this if the thing happens. With the being pushed away say you're not there to do things for him but to spend time with him and do something pleasant. And that is natural you want to help him to make this difficult time easier. Is he taking anti depressants at all? Perhaps discuss that with the social worker or his doctor to see if that would help. His tendency to turn to alcohol is difficult as well as if he struggled with this when well then more difficult when not well. Maybe he would respond to trying anti depressants as a way of coping as they will also influence his mind. Anyhow we're always here to listen to you. Hugs Deejjay

[KatDoe]

Thanks for the comments warrior woman and deejay. Very encouraging especially coming from people that are going through this as well. Good luck with your cancers. I know its not easy. My dad is taking anti-depressants. But it feels like he is so deep into his depression that he just wants alcohol to numb all of his pains. I went to see him yesterday and he was not at the hospital. He had walked to the bar. Which is a good 10 block walk. He's very fragile, he has problems with his balance which in turn he has problems walking. I don't know what he is thinking. So I just left him a note to call me, and he hasn't yet. I wish he would. I've called the hospital to get updates from the nurses. So at least my mind is clear. I just wish he would stop being so stubborn.