I feel very alone right now. I want to be positive and I try to be, and probably most of the time I am. I also need to be real. We don't know what the future holds, so every day has to count. Pressure is building.
I tried to reply earlier but something went wrong with the system and I got some very strange messages and my reply disappeared into the ether.
There is no need to feel alone, there are a lot of us out here and this is a good site for support. However, you can also use the cancer helpline, 13 11 20 and talk to a cancer nurse. They also run Cancer Connect and some states have a Carers Cancer Connect where you can talk with someone who has been through what you are going through. There is also Carer's Australia at www.carersaustralia.com.au. They have branches in each state and may also be of use to you.
There is no need to feel as if you have to be positive. As you say you need to be real and that means acknowledge that it is a pretty awful time that you are going through. A friend of mine once told me that the best advice she received after her cancer diagnosis was to go out into the backyard and cry, and cry and cray until she could cry no more, and then cry again. We need to acknowledge all those other emotions that come with the cancer experience, even if we do it in private.
It's out there at sea that you are really yourself. Vito Dumas
Hi Mrs Elton,
At the start I was determined to make every day count but it is just soooo exhausting. There is so much pressure to cram so much in. Every day is important and oh so special, I have relaxed a bit now and each day is wonderful and I enjoy every minute but it's ok to have shut down time, sad time, veg time, lazy time and fun time. they all create special memories. You don't need to be positive all the time.... it's too hard. Having sad time makes us appreciate the happy and positive times.
It's difficult to not feel a bit alone when you are going thru all this but as sailor says there is so many people out there ready to talk and to help. The cancer council help line is a life saver and my hospital offers free counselling at the cancer care centre for partners as well (and it's a public hospital) so check with your hospital, it's probably similar. For your kids try canteen.
I'm with your friend sailor, crying is great. it's such a release. I cry in the shower....no one can see, no one can hear and the water washes away the redness in my eyes 🙂 Don't get me wrong.... I am a very positive and strong person ..... I'm not a blubbering wreck (most of the time 🙂 but it feels so good to let it all out. The I can get dressed, put on a smile and face the world.
Hang in there Mrs Elton, you can do this!
Best wishes to your family.
Hi Mrs Elton,
When I read your post I thought wow, her too. Just goes to show we are not really alone. If you've felt that way and I've felt that way, neither of us are alone in those feelings! As carers we often try to stay strong for our partners, but none of us are robots. Today was a really bad day for me and I went through all the usual self-reprimands, I'm not the one with cancer, we are luckier than some, do I have the right to feel down, don't let the kids see your upset, but blah blah blah. We are living this too and of course we have a right to feel down. This is a hard slog!!
Just remember if you feel it, someone else is bound to have felt it too. This website is a great way to remind each other we are not alone. Chin up and as Sailor said, cry if you need to.
good thoughts coming your way
Thanks Sailor and Benlisecca,
I was beginning to feel like I was invisible. It really made my day to see your replies, and today has been a really tough one. Our youngest son turns 6 on Saturday and IF the prognosis given by the oncologist is accurate, then this could be the last birthday he has with his Dad. I know it is a huge if, but I don't feel like I can ignore it, so I want to make this birthday really special.
As a result, I am highly emotional and finding it very difficult to make decisions. meaning nothing gets achieved and more pressure!! Oh, what a wonderful circle! I have managed to get the birthday cake (ice-cream cake) into the freezer tonight so that is one thing off the list!
I totally agree the shower is a good place to cry!
Thanks larn75/Alana (what's the protocol here), it is so true, we as carers try to be the 'strong' one and beat ourselves up when we are not. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day today and hope that tomorrow is much better.
It will be I'm sure, Thanks Mrs Elton. These things happen on this rollercoaster we call cancer. I have just been reading some of the jokes on here and feel better already! 🙂 It is fine to call me Alana if you like. No protocol, some of us will sign with our real names some will use their other ones (dont know what they are called, still getting used to chat technology) it is up to you! However you feel comfortable. Sometimes anonymity helps open the flood gates or gives us courage to ask questions. This site is a wonderful help to me and I hope you get as much out of it as I have. Some nights I just read sometimes I participate, but i always know on a night like tonight there is someone on here that will understand.
take care, of yourself too, it's important to remember that!!
I'm a carer and I can tell ya, I probably cry more than my husband does. There are days where I feel so robbed, frustrated, resentful, angry and then there are days where I feel so positive, so blessed, full of love and happy. Bad days, good days... it's just a lucky draw as to what you get every day I reckon - I just kinda go with the flow cos well, all I can do really and I cope as best I can.
Rob and I have found that talking about how we're feeling helps us stay connected and strengthens our bond (our marriage is only 6 weeks old). I felt guilty telling him how I felt at first because I didn't want to burden him any more than he already is but he told me that if I didn't, he just worried more about me. Weird given he's the one with cancer.
I also joined here because I wanted to connect with people in the same boat and I've found this very helpful. It's comforting knowing that I'm not alone in how I feel and that I can talk about it with those who have experienced it too.
My personal experience with Cancer Connect was that I thought the nurse felt sorry for me. I feel uncomfortable with sympathy so didn't really find it helpful but that's just me. I think that a person truly can't understand unless they've been there themselves and I find that especially poignant as I survived a nasty motorcycle accident myself.
So I guess I understand to a degree how my husband feels. I always felt that while people empathised with me, they didn't understand why I felt the way I did because they hadn't been in my shoes.
I think that's why this place is so helpful to me - there are people in my shoes here and they know exactly how I feel.
There are people in your shoes too and we know why you feel the way you do. You are never alone.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.