I want to start by saying I know this sounds incredibly selfish and self-centred but these are legit feelings that come up with a loved one's cancer diagnosis and I don't know how to deal with it.
Quick background story for context: I finally moved away from my home-town in 2022 when I was 23. I was longing for this move to open up a new life, friends and pathways, and it did. Being 2 states (NSW to TAS-Australia) away from home, I felt comfortable with the new life and friendships my partner and I had built. I had achieved more life experiences and growth over those years than I had in the last 5 years of my life, I finally felt like my true self. Today marks a year of that all changing and moving back home to be close to my partners family for of his dad's cancer diagnosis. My mental health and relationship feels like it's flat lining and I feel like I'm trying so hard to be there for support for my partner and his family, pushing my own feelings aside. I feel so much grief for the life I feel I've left behind and I can't shake it. 1 year on and I still cry and my heart aches for the person I was becoming. I feel so much guilt everyday for feeling this way it eats and eats and eats away at me. It makes me fear for the future of any other family member getting sick. I don't think I can handle the responsibility and the pressure.
I'm so sorry that this is so evil. I really feel for anyone in any situation experiencing cancer. It is an evil disease with evil repercussions for the individual, especially, and others.
Love and light,
Anon
