I joined this site and group tonight because I'm having a hard time. My mum was diagnosed with pretty nasty breast cancer last year that had spread to her lymph nodes. She went through chemo and radiation, but has now finished her treatment, and as far as her bill of health is concerned- so far, so good.
She still has pains. She still doesn't taste food very well. She still has no appetite. She is underweight and paranoid (as she always has been) about putting weight on. I'm trying so hard to support and help her, but tonight we had an argument (about small things). She, of course, was convinced that she was 100% right and I have ended up a blubbering mess after having apologised and promised to do better. She sees things from the surface- that I'm not helping enough, or that I'm apparently giving her attitude when she asks for help. I'm coming from a place of trying to do 150% to help her. It's just not enough. She is also struggling with depression, but doesn't want to take anti-depressants or see a psychologist. But everyday she struggles to get out of bed, and every day she's negative about the same things, without making an effort to change things- or, at least, to change the way she's thinking about things.
I know I sound nasty. I have no idea what she's been through. And, sending her little cheerful pictures each morning or offering to cook her healthy meals won't change anything. But, I really don't know where to go from here. If I could take away her pain, I would. If I could have this condition instead of her, I would. But I can't do any of that. All I can do is try to help, and be there with a listening ear. But that doesn't seem to make a difference- and now it just seems like it isn't enough.
Yes, this is a whinge and complain moment, but I'm really hoping that someone out there can have some advice for me, or tell me that they've had times when they've felt just as useless/helpless.
Tonight, I'm struggling.
Hey there! This is completely normal..... Sending loads of positive energy and hugs to you.... It is so hard watching from the sidelines, wanting to help, and being pushed away and even made a scapegoat for the situation...... Hang in there..... It is so tough! Be kind to yourself and know that you are doing a very important job! PA xxx
Thank you PA- I really appreciate it. I think 'scapegoat' is a harsh but fair word. I'm the only one living with mum, so whatever craziness has come into her heard on a day, gets put straight back to me. It's only been 18 months, but I'm tired of being the strong one, and I'm tired of being the only one. I'm trying to be an adult- and often feel like roles are reversed and that I'm now a parent, but apparently she now perceives my 'attitude' as 'superior'. End result? No winning, and lots of tears 😞
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.